My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2200: Chapter 2033: True and False

I am truly imperfect and don’t want to pretend too much. It’s exhausting. Only you can be with me!

”Mom, actually, I don’t really want anything. I just want you to spend more time with me, to make up for the emptiness these years have brought me. Perhaps, for me, nothing is more important than having your unwavering company!

These years, Grandpa has been living in solitude, silently missing you. He never talks about his longing to anyone because he’s an adult. I think he buries all his feelings deep inside, never letting anyone see through him. But he tells me, being his grandson, that I can understand all his thoughts.”

”Child, let me tell you about my past love story!

After he and I parted ways, I thought of him day and night. I never knew when he would message me back. I waited in silence, hoping one day he would reach out. But as days turned into more days, no message came. I realized then I had lost all connection with him.

It was only at that moment that I understood what I had lost. I lived like an empty shell, wandering the streets, retracing every place he had been. I yearned for time to rewind. If it did, I would never have let go of her hand. I would hold it tightly, making sure she belonged only to me forever. Yet, even though her heart was broken, and I could do nothing to mend it, all I could do was silently weep. Who could understand how painful and unbearable my heart felt?

As I revisited the places we walked hand in hand, his silhouette filled my mind. I saw him smiling at me, yet I couldn’t touch him. That feeling was heartbreaking, so desperate!

I don’t know how many times I felt such despair. I only know I’ve been living aimlessly, waiting for him, day after day. I set all his contacts as the most critical ones, longing for any message from him, even if it was the harshest insult. I would still be happy to hear from him. But I ended up with nothing, as if she vanished into thin air, completely disappearing from my life. How could I not be heartbroken?

Child, I envy you so much. You and your wife are a couple destined to be together. I long for such love, yet in my life, I am unable to be with my first love. I truly wish I could go back to that time, even if it means losing everything, with no one understanding me, just as long as he would contact me. That would make me happy. I numb myself day by day, throwing all my energy into work, immersing myself completely, just wanting to live a quiet life alone. I don’t want anyone to be upset, nor do I want him to be uncomfortable. Yet every day and every night, I wait for her. Why can’t the heavens give me a chance to make things right?

Child, do you know how painful it was for Mom? Seeing my love suffer so deeply, wanting to embrace them truly, as their plans all included your mother, yet knowing how hard it was for your mother to leave them. No one can truly understand the piercing pain, and I never want to experience it again. I forced myself to become harsher step by step. But when I looked back, I realized, even after so many years with your father, he remained in my heart. Like my own heartbeat, he will continue until my heart stops completely, and then we’ll enter the next world together.

My love for him will never change, regardless of time. It remains deeply within me. I never considered how much I loved him, nor sought contact everywhere, yet lost all links. All memories turned bittersweet. No one can understand my internal agony.

I envy how you became a fated couple. It’s a love I’ll never attain. My first love, I gave to him; all my most significant things I gave to him. I only wanted to be with him, yet he thought I was playing with emotions. He never truly understood what I wanted. Nobody comprehended the pain and loss inside me. Losing him was my life’s greatest pain, my love that was lost, because no one could feel her wounds. Repeatedly, I numbed myself, unable to escape destiny’s plan.”

”Mom, can’t the unhappy past be let go? I understand that pain. When I nearly missed the chance to be with my beloved woman, I too was in despair. But I never understood why you jeopardized my marriage’s happiness. Now I see, maybe you were just jealous. Perhaps you didn’t even realize the intensity of your feelings when dealing with your son. But I can tell you now, it was only because you were jealous of how we became a destined couple. You feared I’d end up like you, but do you know how much I love my wife? I understand just how much your love feels for you, the sentiment is clear!

The past is behind us, never to hold onto. Isn’t it better to live happily, making life joyful here and now?”

”Child, some things can’t be let go of, some people brand themselves into your very soul. To truly forget them seems impossible until we move on to another world. And even if I were there, I’d never forget those days with him, as he brought me the highest joys of life, making them unforgettable forever...”

Giving all heart to understand oneself more clearly amidst drifting rain!