My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2197: Chapter 2030: Expressions

It turns out the most painful expression is wordless; it turns out everything was my own wishful thinking!

Zhang Zhentian felt speechless towards his wife. Why does everything he says make her want to go against him?

Has he really lost even the basic authority of a man?

He also felt that his life had been a failure—he gave up everything for a woman, yet the person this woman truly loved was not him. Again and again, he did foolish things for her, viewing it all as indulgences of his own inner desires. But in the end, what did he become to her? Time after time, he didn’t even know what all this was for, why he had to suffer such torment and pain his whole life.

”I truly feel speechless towards you. I just want to know if your heart doesn’t feel a bit of pain when you do these things. Does it not tremble even slightly?

Everyone wants to live happily, and since each person chooses a different path, today’s outcomes differ. Why do you insist on treating me this way?

I used to think I was selfish, but gradually I realized I wasn’t the selfish one—it’s you. You’d abandon everyone around you for your own selfish desires. You can heartlessly harm everyone who loves you, but I can’t!

Sometimes, I really doubt you; is there any conscience in the depths of your heart? Is there really a conscience in your innermost being?

Why is it that everything I’ve done for you is just a joke in your eyes, and yet you never understand what kind of happiness I truly want in my heart?”

”I’ve said long ago that I know what kind of happiness you want in your heart, but it’s something that I can never provide in my lifetime. I just hope you can clearly understand that some things cannot be forced, and even if obtained, the result may not be what you want. Perhaps it would bring you a hundredfold, thousandfold, even ten-thousandfold pain. Is such a pursuit really worth it?”

Zhang Yichen stood outside the door, listening to every word, every argument between his father and mother. He felt utterly at a loss for words to describe his parents’ incessant arguments. Time after time there seemed to be no solution, his father always loved in such a humble way, always pleading with his mother for forgiveness. But was it really his father’s fault every time?

”Xia Jing, you should know that, in my eyes, whether loving someone is worth it or not doesn’t matter. Just being willing to give everything for her is the truest love in this world. Maybe you don’t really understand that, but did you know? All I want is a stable life. To anyone else, that’s just something ordinary and simple, but for me, it’s incredibly difficult.

You might think losing you would be a relief, but do you know? Losing you is like a disaster for me, no different from the sky falling.

If I can’t keep the woman I love most by my side, then as a man, what meaning is there in me living in this world?”

...

Zhang Yichen could no longer tolerate it from outside the door. If he didn’t step in to stop this farce, who knows how long his parents would continue this? Their hard-won plan of traveling around the world together might be ruined again.

”Ahem!

I say, my dear parents, once again you’re arguing. Why is the only noise echoing through the whole house your quarreling? What exactly are you arguing so loudly about? Look at the time, aren’t you supposed to leave for the trip? If you keep delaying, are you really willing to let this hard-earned trip fall apart?”

Xia Jing felt very awkward; he hadn’t imagined that every word said to his husband was overheard by his son. Had he known Yichen was standing outside, he wouldn’t have argued to the death.

”Yichen, we weren’t arguing; we were just discussing things. Let us sort it out, and then you can carry on with your work. Don’t let what we are doing hold you back; we would feel very guilty. Go ahead and get busy with your work; you don’t need to stand here!”

”Actually, I really want to focus on my work, but each time before stepping out, I hear quarreling. I wouldn’t know how to concentrate on work amidst such noises. I truly want to ask, are you both prepared to leave now?

It seems like it’s getting late. If you don’t leave soon, it will be too late, and this precious opportunity for a trip will once again vanish. Are you really willing to let that happen?”

Zhang Zhentian, hearing Yichen’s words, turned to look at his wife. No one could decide this but her. If she said they should leave, they would. If she hesitated, it would mean another shattered dream of traveling the world.

Xia Jing found this a hot potato, not knowing how to respond.

With a face of bewilderment, Zhang Yichen watched his mother. He knew she cared about appearances, and since he’d brought it to this point, she would surely go along and say they should continue with the trip. She wouldn’t let him see her make a fool of herself.

Sure enough, Xia Jing answered, ”Of course, we still have to head out. We have everything ready; all that’s missing is the wind to carry us forth. Why wouldn’t we leave now? If we don’t, this precious chance to travel the world will be wasted, which would be such a pity!

Besides, your father and I have discussed matters nearly to a close, and it’s time we prepare and hurry to the airport for our flight.”

When Xia Jing finished speaking, she turned around with her suitcase and left, unwilling to continue standing there. The words felt insincere to her, and she feared facing her child.

Zhang Zhentian made a gesture of thanks to his son, then quickly grabbed his suitcase and followed his wife.

Zhang Yichen watched his parents and found it very amusing. Why do they continue to play such childish games at their age? Aren’t they exhausted by it?

Perhaps this is just their way of relating as a couple; no one else can understand it, only they can!

But don’t stir those memories – the most painful expression turns out to be without emotion. I don’t know how to try, and the most sorrowful thing is my uncertainty in facing myself!