My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2175: Chapter 2008: Escaping Love

Thinking back on all those past ill intentions, all those times I should’ve fought back, when the stubborn me could still strike back... How helpless all of this is to me, how tangled and hard to let go.

”Even if we really can’t go back, even if we can never return to the way life used to be, you should’ve at least told me about something like this. That’s the most basic respect you owe me, isn’t it? You want to go back to my family’s home, I have no objections, because my son is also your son, you gave the Zhang Family an heir. But you didn’t have to do it this way. Why didn’t you tell me about this? Do you really think doing this is fun? Something like this and you still hide it from me. You can choose not to go back home with me hand in hand, you can choose never to contact me again, you can even choose to never see me again in this lifetime, but you shouldn’t treat me like this. After all, we’ve been a married couple sharing the same bed and pillow for over ten years!”

When Xia Jing heard what Zhang Zhentian said, she couldn’t help but let out a cold laugh.

”You? What right do you have now to talk to me about being husband and wife? Don’t you think what you did wrong to me is far more cruel than anything I’ve done to you? Not ten times more cruel, but a hundred, a thousand, ten thousand times. Did it never occur to you that when you abandoned me back then, you’d end up with today’s result? Every single thing you did, did you never think you’d have to bear the consequences? You never once considered me. Again and again you shoved all the blame onto my head. I never said anything. I kept thinking, calling you Brother Fei, I thought you were my wife. As your wife, I could take the blame for you, but you? Did you ever think that way? Maybe you never did, right? People are all about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. How you treat me is how I’ll treat you. But the ruthlessness with which I treat you is not even one ten-thousandth of the ruthlessness with which you treated me. All these years with you, I have to admit, I was actually very happy. From the very beginning, you treated me as your scapegoat, yet I’m still grateful to you for filling up these ten-odd years of my life. It was you who made me understand what real love is, because love is selfless. My love for you has already fulfilled the essence of love, and now I no longer have any love for you. Everything you’ve done has long since broken my heart, but I never confronted you directly, because I didn’t want to destroy the harmony between us as husband and wife. I didn’t want my mom and dad and my son to be heartbroken one more time! All these years with you, I never once thought about how I would leave you, how I would separate from you, how I would no longer be with you. It wasn’t until that time you forcibly dragged me to the doors of the Civil Affairs Bureau to file for divorce that I realized I’ve loved the wrong person in this life. From the beginning, I never should have fallen in love with you. Loving you has caused me endless pain. Loving you taught me what true suffering is. My love for you has never wavered, but your love for me changed long ago, changed to the point of being meaningless. There’s something you should understand: in a relationship, if there’s some other purpose mixed into it, then no matter how rich and full it may seem at the start, it will never have a good ending. At the beginning, I didn’t know what your feelings for me were based on or what state they came from, but gradually I realized that being with me, you weren’t happy, you weren’t joyful. On the contrary, you thought I was nagging every day, always meddling in your life. But you don’t understand: if a woman doesn’t manage her man’s daily life, then that woman simply does not love that man. For you, I’ve already proven how much I loved you, yet in the end you still wounded this heart that loved you, because you never once thought about why I would love you so much.”

”Why would you love me so much? Wasn’t it just because you had your eye on my family’s money? Don’t think that just because everyone out there says your soul is so noble, your pride so lofty, that I don’t know. I’ve lived with you for more than ten years, I know perfectly well what kind of woman you are. In your eyes it’s still all about profit. Once you take away profit, you feel everything is meaningless. You’re used to hypnotizing yourself, always thinking that everything is for the best. But you don’t understand what kind of wife I actually need. The wife I want is not someone who manages my private space every minute of every day. The wife I want is someone who can step forward for me when I need her the most...”

”Search your own conscience. Back when I was with you, when you were in trouble, did I not step forward? Time and time again, I went through fire and water for you without hesitation. But you? Over and over, you treated me as your scapegoat. Whatever mistake you made, you had me take the fall. Did I ever complain? Not once did I say I was unwilling, because I believed that one day I could move you, that one day you’d realize in your heart that I truly loved you, that I truly wanted to be with you, without any other motive mixed in. But in the end I discovered I was wrong. No matter how I tried to please you, how sincerely I treated you, how I gave you my heart and soul, you still never saw me as your woman lying beside you. You used me again and again. I have nothing to say. I am your wife, I should be used by you. But could you, just once, consider how a wife feels? I don’t know, in your eyes, is a so-called wife just a tool to carry on the family line or what? But at the very least, you should show some respect to women, shouldn’t you? Every decision you make will hurt the person who loves you most, don’t you know that? Every decision you make, you’ve never once considered me, do you understand that?

This has made my heart ache so much. So many times I just wanted to stay quietly by your side, just wanted to live an ordinary, dull life. I never wanted any great wealth or glory. But you’ve always believed that I was with you for your family’s money. I’ve never said this out loud, because I didn’t want to say it. I always felt that if I said this, then there would truly never be any possibility between us again. But today I’ve finally made up my mind to leave you, so there’s nothing left that I can’t say. The fact that I’ve managed to say all of this proves that in this lifetime, there will never again be any possibility between us, right?

I hope from now on you’ll never again disturb my life. We’ll each quietly live our own lives, and from now on when we meet, we’ll just be strangers passing by...”

Sometimes I still think of it. Even when I’m in unbearable pain, I seem to hear everyone around me crying, and yet I’m still foolishly holding on, refusing to let go!