My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1611: Chapter 1405: Sparks

”Then can you tell me what the greatest pain in this world is? Who among you can truly understand what the greatest pain of all feels like? None of you can understand, so why do you say such cruel words to me? If one day you can tell me what the greatest pain in this world is, then I will give you the truest answer. If you can’t tell me, then don’t expect me to give you the answers you seek. Everyone pays a price for exchange, and repeated transactions only make one numb. I don’t want to live like I used to anymore!

Sometimes, I really hope that one day you can tell me your truest thoughts. Everyone’s inner thoughts differ, because everyone experiences different things, and the roads chosen from those decisions are all different. Can you understand just how difficult it was for me to choose this path back then? Every moment I lived was so arduous, continually living in pain. But how about you? You think being with me is the most beautiful thing in the world. Yet, do you know that being with you is equally painful for me!

You have no way to accept every word I say or comprehend everything I do now. Just like your own soul, you don’t know how to deal with such issues. Do you know how immense the harm you’ve brought me over the years is? You have no way of compensating for all the damage I suffered before. And you have no means of knowing the answers to every question I’ve asked you—you can’t give me the answers I want. If you truly figure out that you can give me the answer I want, then come find me. Then, I will definitely open up my heart and give you everything!”

Zhang Zhentian couldn’t bear his wife’s relentless accusations any longer. Did he amount to nothing in her eyes? Not even capable of providing the most basic answer? Why did they keep saying such heartless and ruthless things to him?

What kind of man was he in her eyes? Could all the shared years of marriage really be dismissed so lightly? Regardless of all he’s given, all he’s suffered, and the pain he’s endured, why could she never consider the issues from his perspective? How painful and exhausting was his life?

Could everything he had sacrificed for her all be just a joke in her eyes? Was he just too foolish, too naïve, or too confused to have given everything to this woman in front of him, even at the cost of losing his closest family? Why could she never see his genuine love in her eyes as she repeatedly compared him with other men? Did she truly see him as a useless husband?

People are fickle. Why, during their passionate love, did she make such a heart-wrenching vow to him, and now, use events to wound him? In her eyes, is hurting him her pleasure and happiness? Why do people have to be so selfish and self-serving? What is the purpose of enduring such an exhausting life? Is it just to harm the ones we love the most?

”Xia Jing, I don’t understand what you mean by these words. How do you know I can’t provide you with the answers you seek? Regarding the greatest pain you described, I admit I’ve never experienced it. So tell me, what is this utmost pain?

I’ve encountered fewer things than you, but my sincere love for you has never changed. For you, I’m willing to do anything, yet what have you done for me? Regardless of why you chose to be with me initially, at least in my eyes, it seems you were merely using me, just looking for emotional solace after heartbreak. Do you know, by doing so, you hurt not only yourself but others too? Everyone can be selfishly motivated. I was genuine towards you, but you had other intentions, making it inherently unfair to me. My mind constantly reminds me to treat you well no matter what. As your husband, I’m obliged to be responsible to you, despite all your wrongdoings. But I don’t know how to explain my genuine love for you from my heart in a way that you would understand!”

”Do you know that the greatest pain in this world is watching helplessly as the person you love most holds someone else’s hand while you stand by suffering? And witnessing your beloved with another woman, you stand there crying foolishly, admiring her from afar with longing eyes but no means to intervene. It’s truly despairing. How should one face such a scene? You’ve never experienced it, but I truly have. Watching him erase all memories made my heart ache unbearably. Do you understand? I never imagined he would treat me like that. I also never thought my mistakes would hurt him so much. Again and again, repeating events and injuries allowed me to question if my heart truly loves her, or something else!

Do you know just how much I love him, truly and deeply? I’m willing to give up my life for him. I’ve drunkenly drowned sorrows repeatedly, thinking of him every time. I seek all over the world, yet find nobody but him. Do you know how much my heart aches? It’s so agonizing. But each time, even at the cost of my dignity and principles, when I beg for him or put aside my pride for him, he doesn’t even look back. Do you understand my despair then?

Actually, you don’t understand. You’ve never experienced this life, but I truly don’t want it anymore. I only want to be with him peacefully. Why is it, in your eyes, such a small wish can’t be fulfilled? Can you just agree to help me once? Do you have to push me into a corner before you’re satisfied? I just want to love him, I just want to be with him. Even if I can’t have him, my love for him won’t waver for a lifetime!”