My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1610: Chapter 1404: Choosing to Hurt

Xia Jing felt that her husband was really foolish, even though she had gone to such lengths, why did he still choose to stay with her? Was she really worth his love so much? Again and again, she hurt him, but he didn’t care about her hurting him at all. Instead, he loved her more intensely. Was what she did right or wrong? Giving up her family for a man who had nothing to do with her anymore, leaving everyone in her family deeply questioning what she truly wanted in this life. Who knew how painful and sad her life had been?

Why was fate so unfair to her when all she wanted was a man she loved, for whom she was willing to give up everything, at any cost? Why, no matter how she treated him, he would never stay by her side? In his eyes, was she really that detestable? Everyone had their own way of living, but because of her actions, she ultimately hurt him. What would it take for him to return to her side? The repeated pain made her inwardly miserable, but her life had also been sorrowful.

”Actually, I really can’t understand why fate is so unfair to me. The person I loved most sincerely didn’t want to stay by my side, while the person I hated most appeared before me again and again. Do I really not deserve the life I want in this lifetime? Are my actions really so obnoxious to everyone? Why have I never received love and care from others in my entire life? Why must my life be so sad and painful? Wouldn’t it be better to live simply? Why must I be pushed to a dead end?”

”I really don’t understand what I should do to restore everything to its original state. The repeated heartaches have left me with no way to endure such pain again and again. I couldn’t obtain what I wanted, yet the things I didn’t care about kept haunting me. The extent of my regret, how much I cared about all of this, everyone lives for their ideals; yet, I’m living for others. I’ve never lived for anyone else, nor for myself. I’ve only ever lived for the person I love the most. If he’s happy, I’m happy. If he’s sad, it’s unbearable for me. His every emotion pulls at my every nerve. I’ve slowly become numb, unsure if what I’m doing is right or wrong. Everyone has the right to make their own choices, so why do I continually make wrong choices, and never get what I truly want? Am I really so unworthy of others’ regard?”

”Actually, it’s not that no one loves you in this world, but that you’ve lost the people you love and those who love you. You never considered the consequences of your actions. You’ve numbed yourself time and again into thinking that everything is right, but do you know how much everyone suffers, how heartbroken and miserable every living person is? I really don’t know what to say. Repeated pain has gradually numbed me, my inner self no longer belongs to me. Every nerve is connected to his every emotion, and there is no joy to speak of in my life.”

”Stop yearning for things you shouldn’t have. Everyone has things they desire. Maybe in this lifetime, this unrequited love is something I’ll never attain, and so I’ll ultimately live in the abyss of pain, entrapped forever. But behind every heartbreak, who can really care about your feelings? Where is he when you’re in unbearable pain? His heart is in agony just like yours, but he never wants to meet you because deep inside, he has come to hate you, has no more love for you, only deep-seated hatred. Yet, the unforgettable love you have for him determines what kind of life you’ll end up living in this lifetime!”

”You love him so much, but does he know how much you’ve given up for him? Again and again, you’ve looked down on your own life, but does he really know? Does he know that you’re willing to give up your very life for him? Why make yourself so numb, and let yourself be hurt, over and over again, living a life of inescapable pain? Everyone has their own way of life; don’t you know that perhaps letting go is the best way for you?”

”How can I not know that letting go is the best option for me, yet I can’t leave him. Repeatedly, my heart has been so deeply hurt. I’ve never obtained what I wanted. The days with him were the happiest in my life. For him, I’m willing to give up everything, even endure alcohol poisoning and be hospitalized, just to see him once. Is this also wrong? Is loving someone really a mistake? I don’t want anything else; I just want to be by his side, to watch him be happy every day. I just want her happiness to be because of my presence, not anyone else’s. Honestly, I’m quite selfish. If I can’t have something, I’d rather destroy it than let anyone else have it!”

Perhaps human nature is this selfish. Over the years, no one knows what kind of pain they will face in life. Again and again, my life has become unbearable. What do I really want, ultimately? All I want is for the person I love most to return to my side. Missing each other again and again, with unbearable pain, ultimately led to the current conclusion. I don’t care about any pain, don’t care about my life, all that matters is whether he’ll come back to see me. Nothing else is important. What matters is whether he can return to my side. Everyone lives a sad, tiring life; there’s no one who isn’t tired, no life that isn’t exhausting. Perhaps living is what’s truly exhausting!”