My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2141: Chapter 1974: Even If It’s Hard

Even if my sweat turns into tears, even if my sorrow drags on to the very end, even if every step I take is so hard, I still refuse to just give up like this!

”What you’re doing now is really meaningless. Doing this isn’t going to make my heart love you the way it used to. That old love I had for you, from the day you gave up on me it was gone, it was something you abandoned with your own hands. So why bother telling me now that you regret it? Do you really think that by forcing me to stay by your side, you’ll be happy? Do you think I’ll be happy staying with you? If, deep down, there is still even the tiniest trace of love left in you for me, then I hope you can think for my sake: don’t force me to stay by your side. That would only be painful for me. I feel there’s no love left between us, and a loveless marriage can’t be happy. It’s not like you don’t know that. If you just force me to stay with you, not only will you never be happy, the two of us, we’ll both end up covered in scars.”

”I don’t care about any of that. Even if I force you to stay with me and the two of us can never live as happily as before for the rest of our lives, for me, as long as you’re here, right next to me, I’m already satisfied. I won’t be so greedy as to ask you to love me the way you once did. I only want to keep you by my side, to make sure you can never leave me for the rest of your life.”

Xia Jing hadn’t expected Zhang Zhentian to still be as selfish as he used to be. Just to keep her by his side, he was willing to let the two of them end up battered and bruised and didn’t care at all. But what was the point of a marriage like this? What happiness could there be in staying together like this? If there was no happiness for either of them, then why stay together? Wouldn’t that only leave them both covered in wounds?

”You really don’t have to do this. If you do this, you’ll ruin me, and you’ll ruin yourself too. You could completely just go find someone new to accompany you and spend the rest of your life with. That way they would all be happy, and your family wouldn’t be sad because you’re single. And I could go look for the kind of life I want, instead of being entangled by you every single day. Don’t you understand? As long as you take this step, it’ll be a huge relief for everyone. Can’t you make a little sacrifice for the people you claim to care about?” Xia Jing really couldn’t understand what was going on in this so‑called husband’s mind. Why did he always have to be so stubborn and self‑willed? Didn’t he know acting like this would hurt everyone?

Right now Zhang Zhentian had no mind at all to listen to a single word his wife was saying. All he could think about was keeping his wife by his side; to him, that was the greatest benefit of all. He had no other extravagant wishes in this life. The only thing he hoped for was that his wife could stay with him forever, never leaving him for the rest of his days. But whether this was something too hard for this family to bear, he had no idea. He had done so many things, time and time again, so why should they be expected to choose to forgive every mistake he had ever made?

”There’s really no need for you to say all this to me now, because I won’t believe a single word. You’ve lied to me too many times, and there’s no guarantee you’re not lying again this time. I only want to keep you by my side—is that really making things so hard for you? Or does it make your heart feel relieved? Is it wrong for me to do this? Is it selfish of me to just want the person I love to stay with me all my life? I admit I was very selfish in the past, I never believed in my own love, and I didn’t dare to believe anyone truly loved me. But gradually I realized that if I didn’t change, the ones I love would only drift farther and farther away from me. Now the proof is right here: because I couldn’t change my cowardly, fearful, selfish nature, I drove you away. And you’re unwilling to stay by my side for the rest of your life. Maybe this is a kind of punishment for me. You all say I’ve changed, that I’ve become so selfish, but has any of you ever thought about why I ended up like this, step by step? Wasn’t it all because I wanted to be with you? I just wanted to stay together with the people I care about. Is that really so hard for you? Does that really make you so dissatisfied? To the point that you all want to run away from me again and again, unwilling to be with me... What exactly did I do wrong for you to treat me like this? I admit I made too many unforgivable mistakes in the past, and I’ve already taken responsibility for them. All these years, I haven’t had a single day of peace. Every day I’ve lived in regret and remorse. This kind of life leaves me so torn and in so much pain. Because of the wrong I’ve done, I’ll never be able to forgive myself for the rest of my life. I know your hearts are struggling too, and you’re in pain as well. That makes us all people who suffer—doesn’t that make it more fitting for us to live together? That way we’d understand why the other is hurting. We’ve already missed out on far too much. I don’t want to keep missing every single day with you in the future. If I go on missing every day of life with you, I’ll feel like I’d be better off dead...”

”Saying all this to me now just makes you seem disgusting to me. You’ve said these exact same words before, but in the end you still hardened your heart and abandoned me. Back then, did you ever think there would come a day when you’d regret it? If you had known you’d regret it one day, would you still have been so cruel as to throw me away? The mistakes that were made back then, I will never forget them for as long as I live. Being with you and having such an adorable child—that is the happiest thing in my heart. No one can understand how happy I was as a mother. That was the greatest pride of my life. He’s so outstanding, and toward a cruel mother who abandoned him for so many years, it’s only right that he hates me. I can’t forgive myself. I have no way of knowing how many mistakes I’ve made, because every time I look back and examine each one, I feel horrified by what I see. The wrongs I’ve done, even I can’t explain them away. I know I will never again have a chance to live with my son in this lifetime. I hurt them, ruined so many of them—what right do I have to live with them? And what reason do they have to forgive me again and again?”

Zhang Zhentian had never expected his wife to be so full of self‑blame. He had no idea how to comfort her. Only at this moment did he realize that he had always been this useless, that he couldn’t even give his own wife a bit of happiness.

I fly toward you, listening to the sound of the rain falling gently, I chase after you, the wind is blowing softly too, but I will never forget this feeling of being loved...