My Alleged Husband

Chapter 430: Chapter 409: Didn’t Expect That, Did You?_1

”There is no longer such a thing as letting go or not in my heart; if I must let go, I will, and even if I can’t, I have already done so. At this point, nothing holds any significance for me anymore; my heart no longer ripples with each word you say because I have come to realize that the biggest mistake of my life wasn’t every single thing I did but how much I gave up for you. In the end, you never thanked me for my sacrifices. Even after giving up so much for you, you never once said ’thank you.’ Perhaps in your heart, no matter what I do, I still owe you. But I have already paid off my debt!”

”Can you stop being so insincere, please? You clearly have questions in your heart, so why don’t you just admit them? Are you afraid I will leave you once again? What’s wrong with agreeing to live with me? I won’t treat you like I did before, and I certainly won’t be as impetuous, including suggesting divorce. I understand that people make mistakes in life, but if the same mistakes are repeated over and over, they become unforgivable. I don’t want to lose you again. The thought of being without you is unbearable—it has made me want to die. Do you know how empty, how lonely, and how scared I am without you? I’m afraid that one day I’ll just die in my sleep, quietly, without you ever knowing how much I still love you. I keep thinking, if one day God decides it’s my time to leave this world, then let it be after I have received your love!”

Xia Jing found Zhang Zhentian’s words to her quite amusing. If he really wanted to gain her love before leaving, then he had already received all her love. Why keep pestering her incessantly? Clearly, this was just another manipulative move. Unfortunately, she was no longer the person she used to be. If this were the past, she would have unhesitatingly agreed to be with him again and forgiven all his faults, but not anymore. She had grown a pair of eyes of her own and wasn’t bewitched by him as she had been. She could make the right decisions now.

Zhang Zhentian looked at Xia Jing, unmoved by his words and indifferent to his presence, which he found incredible. How could this woman right before his eyes no longer conform to his expectations? In the past, a few words from him would have been enough for her to agree to start over with him, but why was she unaffected even though he had shed tears today? Did it mean she no longer had a place for him in her heart? Or did she know he was lying and thus didn’t want to bother with him?

”Why won’t you speak? I’ve become like this—don’t you want to live with me? Is it really that hard for you to say that you are willing to continue our life together? Can you say it for me, please, just as a favor? Do you know how painful it is to watch the person you love, not being able to embrace them or be intimate with them, in the face of wealth?”

”Are you done talking? Or has your act come to an end? Do you think I’m really that naive? My eyes are not blind—well, not anymore. In the past, my heart was blind. I always believed whatever you said was right, that every word you spoke was the absolute truth, without questioning it. But not anymore. Now, I contemplate each word you say, wondering whether you’re telling the truth or lying. If it’s the latter, then what should I do? If I were to agree to be with you just to find out that you’re lying to me again, then what? These concerns make me cautious. In the past, your emotional manipulation would have worked on me without hesitation, but today, even with tears in your eyes, I remain unmoved. Do you know why? Because my heart has grown cold. I will never trust the words of a man who once discarded me so casually. I’m not an idiot—I can be fooled once, twice, thrice, but to continue being fooled would mean I’m truly out of my mind. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m someone who’s out of her mind. In the past, when I was with you, I never considered these things, but now I realize that in a relationship, one must calculate carefully. What are we together for? How should we live our lives together? I don’t want to compute these things anymore because it’s exhausting to worry all the time and impossible to get a good night’s sleep. Now that I’ve left, I’m genuinely grateful to you for abandoning me heartlessly. If it weren’t for that, how would I have ended up with such a clear mind today? I see through everything now and won’t be deceived by a few sweet words from you. You really miscalculated this time...”

It never occurred to Zhang Zhentian that the woman before him could become so perceptive. Over four years, she had come to see through ploys that she would have fallen for so easily before. What had she gone through these years to acquire such wisdom? Why wouldn’t the simple tricks that once easily fooled her work now? Where had he gone wrong?

”You must be wondering why, when before you could deceive me with your careless lies, now you can’t, right? Do you think something went wrong? Let me tell you, it’s not that something went wrong, but rather the pain you caused me helped me understand how to protect myself, how to choose the way to live. You taught me how to grow independently, making me realize that everything depends on oneself, not on others, for there is no outcome in relying on others. One can only survive in this cruel society by standing on one’s own, by becoming skillful and powerful through one’s own means; otherwise, you will be trampled underfoot forever, never being able to turn the tables!”