My Alleged Husband

Chapter 426: Chapter 405 Refusal to Beg_1

Xia Jing listened to Zhang Yichen’s words and shook her head, saying to him, ”Child, I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do to regret this matter anymore; time has passed, and for all these years, I have known that I am to blame, and I know that during these years I was abroad, you were always searching for me, always thinking of ways to send me the best food from home. I know that in your heart, you have me, your mother, but child, the past is something we truly cannot rewind, no one has the power to do that; once it’s gone, it’s gone forever, it will never stop and wait for you, those footsteps standing still, they are time and not a person, even if it were a person, they couldn’t possibly stand there waiting for you forever!”

”You’ve said so much, but you still haven’t honestly answered me, what exactly do you want me to do? Your heart should know better than mine what I should do, right? You should know how much I have sacrificed for you, shouldn’t you? You’re my biological mother, don’t you know what your own son wants? Why does every single thing you do make it so hard for your own son to accept? Is that right? In your eyes, is your son always wrong no matter what he does, including every single thing your son does that you find displeasing, that you think you can scorn? Haven’t you ever thought about us sons, that as a mother, not a Saint, you shouldn’t put other things before loving your own child? At that time, your eyes governed everything, you reviewed everything related to you, yet you never included me, because from beginning to end I never resided in your heart, to you, I am forever someone who doesn’t matter at all!”

”I’ve said it many times, it’s not that you aren’t important to me or that I don’t hold you deep within my heart. It’s precisely because you’re important, because as a mother, I see you as enormously important, that I need to let you know there are many things that can never be undone. I’ve made so many mistakes and missed so many of the most important moments in your life, done so many wrongs to you. What right or reason do I have to beg for your forgiveness now? I shouldn’t live selfishly like before; I should take open strides and face the world with an open heart. I should let everyone know that I’m not like I was before, that I’ve moved on from past heartbreak, that I can face the life I need with happiness and joy, that I won’t frown any longer, but why doesn’t anyone let me achieve even this simple request?”

”Don’t forget, you are a mother. Shouldn’t you consider your child in everything you do? Why don’t you understand what you should or shouldn’t do? Are fame and gain really that important to you? Don’t you know how distressed your son is? As time goes by, I believe one day you’ll understand just how much pain your son harbors in his heart, but shouldn’t you, at least now, try to comprehend the pain inside me? My birth mother, why did you decide to bring me into this world if you were going to hurt me over and over again? Even if you’ve hurt me over and over, why do you keep on causing me such great pain? Why do you make me feel so bitterly cold? You’ve done so much to me that’s cruel and unjust, and I’ve never hated you from the bottom of my heart because I thought you are my mother, I shouldn’t look at you with eyes full of hate but see you as my closest kin. Yet to my disbelief, you went wrong step by step, leading to the outcome you are now. Don’t you know each lie has to be covered up with ten more, don’t you know a lie can shatter a family to pieces? Don’t you understand the price of each lie leaves everyone deeply wounded? When you lied to me, didn’t you think of these things? Because you thought your schemes were flawless and nobody knew, but you don’t realize how hard I worked to find out some things. I know what I’ve given might seem trivial to you, but those are the most precious things in my heart; I always hoped that as long as my parents came back to me, I’d do anything, but in the end, I realized it was all my fault. I shouldn’t speak like this because it won’t bring me any benefits, and no one will sympathize with me. This kind of request is useless. I don’t want to say anything, I just want to sincerely plead with you once here, are you willing to come back to me? If you are willing to come back to me, then please don’t ever lie or doubt me again, because each lie pierces my heart, and I will always have trouble believing that my mother has deceived me again.”

”I’m sorry, but as I’ve said before, since there is no road back, I don’t see the need to return to your side. You are my son and that will never change; I believe in you, you are my proudest achievement. You have always been my top priority in my heart, but I can’t show it, because I fear that if one day my son knows he’s in my heart, he’ll become arrogant over it, and I’m afraid that I’ll leave for some reason because of this. I can’t come back to you, but I still hope you can live a happy and joyful life, because you are my son, and I believe you can be as strong-hearted as I am. I have never regretted any of my actions and have cut off all ways back for myself. Child, you must know, not many things in life can be regretted once missed, and there’s no chance for repentance left. In light of that, make sure not to do wrong, and don’t take a single wrong step, because one misstep leads to another. If you make all the wrong choices, then you’ve lost in life! You’re right that time is fleeting, but Mother still hopes you can think of me as the most beautiful mother in your eyes!”