My Alleged Husband

Chapter 407: Chapter 386 Pretending for Show_1

”Was your heart truly that unhappy from the very beginning of our time together? If so, why did you go to such lengths to be with me? Do you realize that I too paid a similar price to be by your side, yet you’ve never known what I’ve done for you. I never spoke of all the things I did for you because I chose not to; I believed that one day you would slowly discover the truth. But now it seems I was too naive, too foolish. If I don’t express these things, you would never know what sacrifices I’ve made for you, would you?”

”Zhang Zhentian, you really don’t need to tell me these things, nor do we need to settle accounts. Whether you speak out or not, I won’t regret continuing this life with you. As things stand now, let’s not dwell on regrets. The path we’ve chosen is the one we walk, step by step, even if it’s the wrong one. I no longer want to change the course I’m on! I’m actually very grateful to you. If it weren’t for your company for over a decade, during the most painful time of my life, I wouldn’t have made it through because you gave me hope. I’ve never believed in fate, nor did I believe that my actions would have consequences. But gradually, I’ve realized that heaven truly has eyes, and its retribution is unexpected, striking without warning. I can no longer speak sweet words to you because all I can say to you is this much. Let us not cling to each other. Isn’t life like acting in a play? Today I perform for you, and tomorrow you will perform for me. Aren’t we all actors? On the road of life, who hasn’t deceived the other? But I can honestly say that aside from the time I fell ill, I’ve never deceived you. Yet you always assume my words are lies, and you no longer trust me. What’s the point of a marriage without trust? Won’t this only bring us more pain? Every decision you’ve made never considered the consequences, and when they occur, I’m the one who ends up taking responsibility because you push all the blame onto me. However, I’ve never uttered a word of objection because I felt as your wife, I should pay for your mistakes. But I’m no Saint, I can’t keep paying for your wrongdoings over and over. You need to learn to bear the consequences of your own actions!”

”I’ve said it, I admit I’ve done many things that hurt you, and I’ve already faced retribution. What else do you want me to do? I agree, the consequences of my past mistakes shouldn’t have been placed upon you, to be my scapegoat. But now that I know I was wrong, what more do you want from me? Don’t you truly understand what’s in my heart? Do you really want to push me away time and again? Do you think that makes you happy? Do you think what you’re doing is right?”

”I’ve said it before, the past is the past. There’s no medicine for regret that can take us back. I don’t want to delve into who was right or wrong anymore. After all, we’ve both made mistakes. But the retribution I’ve faced far exceeds yours because I ended up bearing the consequences of your mistakes. Now I just want to live a peaceful and happy life for the rest of my days. I don’t wish to be with someone who plays with love any longer, as it causes me immense internal suffering. I know that from the beginning, you were merely acting in love, yet over time, even you couldn’t distinguish whether it was just an act or genuine affection. But I’ve always understood – every day with you was never an act for me. I was sincerely trying to fulfill my duties as a wife. I just wanted to live an ordinary life with you. Yet, in the end, I realized that everything was a lie. You never cared about your father’s company; it was all just a ruse. Your schemes were even deeper than mine. Everything you did was to ensure I couldn’t return home. But I accepted it all because ultimately, it was because of me that we left our son, without being there to watch him grow, missing out on his life – a mother’s negligence, my greatest pain. Now the wrongs have been made, and nothing can fix them. You should have realized long ago that by playing with my feelings, you doomed our relationship. Love can’t be mixed with any form of exploitation; once it is, the relationship is bound to fail. That has been our destiny. You turned everything into what it is today, so why bother saying these words to me? Don’t they just embarrass me? You’re still so selfish, arrogant. Let go. I don’t want to continue living a life of pretense with you. Don’t you know how exhausting it is for me to face your acting every day, to think of how to please you, how to continue living with you? How to keep up this marriage of pretense, because I don’t want to lose it. But in the end, I realized it was all wrong. No matter how hard I try, I can’t win back your true feelings because even you are unclear. Do you love me or not? You can’t discern it. How can you know whether your actions were right or wrong, or if they were just an act or a sign of true harmony?”

When Zhang Zhentian heard Xia Jing’s words, he didn’t know what to respond. Indeed, he couldn’t tell if he had been just acting or if he had truly fallen in love with her. Perhaps he had come to understand his love too late, and now it was irrevocable. Was he really at fault? Was it truly a mistake to love someone?