My Alleged Husband

Chapter 429: Chapter 408 Is it related to you?_1

”How many times must I say it before you can truly understand what I am feeling inside? I never really meant to give up on you; those words about divorce were spoken in anger. Have you lived with me for so many years without realizing which of my words were true and which were false? Everything I have said was genuine; it was only that sentence about divorce—something I blurted out when you infuriated me—that was false. Can you try to consider my feelings for once? Don’t be so willful all the time. Have you thought about how much our son is suffering from our actions? I know that by now, you probably believe you don’t love me anymore. I also know that I am no longer worthy of your love—I am a bad man. I have failed in my duties as a husband; I haven’t fulfilled my responsibilities as a father, let alone the duties of a descendent, as a son. But I am aware of all this, and I realize that whatever I say now is too late, yet I hope you can give me another chance. Can’t we live happily together again, to give our son the joy of having both his parents’ love and affection around him? Must we be so rigid, so willing to destroy everything? Do you think it doesn’t hurt our son, to see his parents fighting to the death? I know what matters most to you now—it’s certainly not my well-being, my life or death—I know your first concern is our son. With that in mind, why don’t we consider what’s best for him? Let him know that we both love him, that we’ve never abandoned him, that we’ve always placed him first in our hearts—isn’t that worth it?”

Xia Jing knew Zhang Zhentian’s words made sense, but she didn’t want to back down because she felt that if she gave in again, she would not be fit to be a woman. She had given up far too much for the man before her, and in the end, it left her heartbroken. Why did she always let others hurt her? She wasn’t born to be hurt and abandoned by others. She vowed to become a strong woman who needed no man beside her; she decided she would never depend on any man for the rest of her life. She vowed to live for herself and not be as selfish as before. She used to think that leaving her son behind would be the biggest happiness, but now she realized that true joy was having her son by her side—the joy of family. But time had passed, and it was impossible to go back to how things were. She had lost her son completely, and now she was losing her husband. With no other choice, she could only watch her son and daughter-in-law living happily together. That, for her, was the greatest consolation as a mother. What she wanted most was to find a way to break free from this man who kept entangling her, to no longer have to see him, as his presence always brought back the painful memory of being abandoned.

”I don’t want to talk to you about anything. All I want to tell you is that it’s over between us, for good. Don’t pester me anymore; your persistence only repulses me. Do you know that, every time you appear before me, I’m reminded of how you abandoned me? Every time you show up, the scene of you abandoning me comes back to my mind. Do you even understand how it feels to see that scene over and over again? You’ve never experienced being abandoned; instead, you have abandoned me and our son. Sometimes I don’t know whether to thank you or hate you. Because of you, I’ve learned what love really is, but also because of you, I’ve lost too much, so much that when I look back, everything has changed beyond recognition...”

”If you want to turn back, then just turn back. Why do you keep forcing yourself not to? Isn’t it better for us to get back together? Must we keep on fighting like this? You know, I can never bring myself to give up on you. I have been looking for you, time and again. During the years you were abroad, I’ve always tried to check on you from afar, to see how you were doing. Did you know that when I saw you suffering, it felt as though a knife was twisting in my heart? And when I saw your cheerful laughter, I felt so sweet, so happy. I feel like it’s been far too long since I’ve seen your beautiful smile. For me, just seeing you smile every day would be enough because your smile could make me forget all my pain. Now I realize that I’ve let go of the woman by my side—the woman who used to smile, the biggest happiness of my life. I have never regretted anything more than that, and I know in our hearts, we both understand that even though we’ve been separated for years, we’ve never really let go of each other. The reason we both refuse to back down is our pride and dignity. I’ve already bowed down to you, time and again. Can’t you let go of your pride and be with me?”

”If it had been before, I would have done anything for you, even if it meant giving up everything I had, but not anymore. You’re not worth it. Do you know that for your sake, I gave up being a mercenary, abandoned my comrades who fought with me for so many years, left my beloved son, and surrendered my freedom—all for nothing, only to realize it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have selfishly followed your decisions, because every decision you made was only for your own satisfaction, without ever considering what I really wanted. And there I was, the fool by your side, giving you anything you wanted without ever thinking about what I truly desired...”