My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2240: Chapter 2073: Wrong?

Even though sometimes I feel life is really bitter, I still long for just a little bit of love.

Old Master Zhang knew this matter had already become a foregone conclusion, and no matter what he said, there was nothing he could do. Since things had come to this point, why not just go with the flow and accept this reality? Wouldn’t it be better to let young people handle their own business themselves?

But whenever he thought of the disappointed look in his son’s eyes, his heart was still in agony. That was his own flesh and blood. No matter how heinous the things his son had done, as a father he could never abandon him. How could he possibly not interfere, not get involved in his own son’s marriage? If it really had to be like that, then how was his son supposed to go on living happily?

At the same time, he also understood just how hard it would be to change his daughter-in-law’s decision. Every word she said, once spoken, would never be taken back or altered because of anyone.

But when he thought back to this once arrogant, overbearing daughter-in-law of his, who had once, for the sake of a casual line from his son, actually given up all her stances, given up her principles, who had turned his son into someone completely different from the man he used to be... yet now, there would never again be such a change. It was already set in stone; the ending could only be like this. These fated entanglements would only make everything worse and worse. No one had ever really thought through what kind of things had turned this couple into what they were now. Everyone just kept thinking all the fault was hers, that she was the one in the wrong. No one ever stopped to think whether their precious son had done anything wrong, where exactly he had gone wrong.

”Child, once upon a time the two of you were in love, but I also know that love has long been blown away by the wind along with the hurt he’s done to you, and it can never come back. But I hope you can understand one thing: a lot of the time, once you make up your mind, at that most crucial moment, that decision will leave you covered in wounds.

I know exactly what kind of person you are. For the one you love, you can throw everything aside; for someone you don’t love, you can turn around and walk away without a second thought. Your personality is so free and unrestrained, nothing ever really holds you back and keeps you here. But because of my son, he has already become a stumbling block on your path in life. He never imagined that one day he would stand in the way of your progress. But do you understand? His feelings for you are real, he really does see you as the one he loves most...”

”Dad, whether or not he sees me as the one he loves most, there are some things I have to make clear. Just because he loves me, does that mean he can do whatever he wants and hurt me however he likes? If he truly loved me in his heart, how could he not realize what kind of harm this would cause me? Whether my heart would be torn to pieces by this? He never thought about it, not then, not now. If he never considered these things, then why bother telling me he loves me? Is that what his love is?”

”I once said that if one day his love for me changed, then I would have no way to go on living with him. Maybe you never knew about these words, but I said them long ago. Just like now—his love for me is no longer what it used to be, it’s already turned into this, so why should I cling on and stay by his side? Isn’t that just asking for more pain for myself?”

”Everyone knows how much I loved him, knows to what lengths I could go for him. But him? For just a few disagreements, a few words that didn’t sit right with him, he could throw me away, cast me aside without a second thought. Is that what a real man is supposed to do? Does he really have me, his wife, in his heart? If he can casually discard his own first wife, then in his eyes, what is there that he wouldn’t be willing to give up?

I can forgive him again and again for everything he’s done to me. I can act like his hurt toward me never happened. But why should I do that just because he once said he loved me? He never made any solemn vows to me, and he hasn’t kept a single promise to me. Then why should I still treat him so well? No matter how good I am to him, in his eyes I’m just someone useless! During the time he abandoned me, I cried every night in secret. I hid under the covers crying until I almost couldn’t breathe, and there was no one to comfort me. Who could possibly understand that feeling? He has never experienced how painful it is to lose someone, to lose the person you love most. It’s like having your heart ripped out, piece by piece, while you’re still alive. He’s never gone through that kind of pain, so he has no way of understanding how much I hurt inside. Since that’s the case, I’ll make sure he gets to experience it properly. I’ll let him understand that if a relationship can be given up so easily with just one move, then it’s not love. If a relationship can be discarded just like that, then he has no right to talk about loving that person, because he’s not worthy of saying that word.”

”Love isn’t about lofty vows, it’s not about promises. It’s about every word you say and whether you can actually follow through. It’s about whether you truly have me in your heart, whether you see me as part of your family. That is love, that is what a husband-and-wife relationship should be. Whatever happens, you face it together. No matter what, you trust each other and don’t doubt each other. That’s what a real couple is. Since he can’t do even one of these things, then why should he be with me at all? To keep me by his side so we can spend a lifetime being sad and miserable together? Does he really hate me that much in his heart? If he hates me, I hope he can say it clearly, not play these little games to hurt me. I’m not a Saint, I can’t withstand his hurt over and over again. My heart really hurts!

I really don’t want to do this anymore. I’m sick and tired of it, completely worn out. He comes to me again and again, pesters me again and again, and in the end all he wants is a way to save face for himself. Since he’s already hurt me, then he shouldn’t be thinking about how to win me back. It’s all pointless. I won’t look back, and I have no way back either. The decision I’ve made is final and won’t be changed for anyone. I’ve already given up my principles for him time and time again. He doesn’t deserve it, and he’s not worth it...”

Old Master Zhang watched Xia Jing’s tears pouring down like rain and knew that she had truly been wounded deep inside. She was clearly in so much pain, yet she’d been forcing herself not to cry, not to let the tears fall. Just how much willpower did it take to do that?

When a man can drive a woman to cry to this extent, to the point where even breathing is difficult, it can only mean this man has hurt her far too deeply. And this foolish woman still loves him so much, loves him to the point of life and death, until in the end she can’t even protect herself.

Sometimes I really wish he could give me a little true love, so that even if I end up crying from the pain, at least it would still feel like happiness.