My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2220: Chapter 2053: Helplessness

If love is a predestined encounter, then why is there still so much pain, what is it that has led to the ending we have now.

In the days that followed, Zhang Zhentian cleaned the house with his wife every day. His own father watched them, passing by him again and again, but chose not to say an extra word to him. Maybe in his father’s eyes, this son of his had never been worthy of him. He had made so many mistakes—what right did he have to ask his family to endlessly forgive every single wrong he had ever committed?

Xia Jing could see that deep down her husband was still in a lot of pain. Clearly there were some things that were beyond his control, yet just because of her, everything had become so awkward and unbearable. If back then she had had a little more understanding, a little more willingness to stay in this home, would all of this never have happened? Looking back now, it felt like all the mistakes had come from her own obsessions, from her selfishness and self-centeredness that led to this result.

Thinking about it now, it seemed that not a single thing she had done was right. Time and again she had hurt her own family, made them sad and upset because of her. Because of her, her family had scattered, unable to gather together. Even during the New Year and holidays they could only miss each other from afar.

Now that she thought about it, she really had lost a lot, things that perhaps she would never be able to get back for the rest of her life. The mistakes she had once made had ultimately caused everyone to feel heartbroken because of her actions. If time could go back, would she still make the same choices as before, would she still let everything end up the way it had now?

Zhang Zhentian didn’t notice the changes in expression on his wife’s face. He just felt that his father still couldn’t accept him because of the mistakes he had made in the past, those certificates and honors he had once trampled on that his father still brooded over. If his father was willing to forgive him, then sooner or later he would come and talk to him. Although as the younger generation he shouldn’t be waiting for his elder to come and speak to him first—that was really quite an improper thing to do—yet he had no other way, he could only stay here by his side.

”I’m sorry, husband. If it hadn’t been because of me, you wouldn’t have left this home. Your father wouldn’t hold such a grudge against you, and our son wouldn’t have chosen to treat us, his parents, this way. The mistakes I made back then—I have no way to make it up to you one by one. All I can do is say a deep, heartfelt ’I’m sorry.’ If time could go back, if I could have another chance, I would never choose an ending like this. An ending like this has caused us too much pain.

Even if the whole world can’t understand what kind of changes are taking place in our hearts, I understand you, because we’ve gone through the same treatment. Deep down we’ve suffered the same torment and torture. All these years we’ve both been very clear about how the other has gotten through. So many days and nights that we’ve lost count of how many tears we shed, how many times we cried. All I wanted was a steady, peaceful life, and in the end I made everything so ugly and unbearable because of my own choices!”

Zhang Zhentian knew that these were his wife’s true feelings from deep in her heart. No matter how many wrong things his wife had done, no matter who exactly it was that she had in her heart, since he had chosen to love her, he should then be willing to tolerate her, to tolerate every mistake she had ever made. Because he loved her, he had to choose to forgive every result she had brought about that he couldn’t accept. Since he had chosen this path, then no matter what, he would walk it to the end even if on his knees. What he wanted was simply for his family to be able to stay happily by his side. No matter what the final ending would be, as long as he had given his all, he would have no regrets.

That was still better than never giving anything, always hiding behind his family, waiting for them to protect him. What kind of outcome would that be worth? If his family chose to keep protecting him in that way, then what meaning would his own existence here have?

”I know everything you’re saying is for my own good. I also know that over this past year you’ve suffered a lot of grievances deep down, but I had no choice. As a man, I couldn’t protect you, couldn’t keep you from shedding tears. I already feel like such a failure, and yet you still have to give so much for my sake. How am I supposed to face myself, deep in my heart? You’re my wife—I just want you to live safely and steadily in this world. I just want you to live here carefree, smiling happily every day, not thinking about those sad things, those things that make us unhappy and joyless. Yet everything I’ve done has still dragged you down with me in the end!

Actually, when our son chose to treat us this way, you, as his mother, were the one who felt it the most. You carried him in your womb for ten months and gave birth to him with such hardship, and in the end just because you abandoned him, because I told you back then that you had to leave with me, it all turned out like this. Yet he has not the slightest attachment to you.

Sometimes I really feel that my own son is truly ruthless deep down. If he can treat his own parents like this, then I really don’t know what he’ll be like toward outsiders. When I imagine him being so decisive and merciless in the business world, I feel terrified. I’m scared too. I’m afraid that one day he’ll treat us, his parents, the same way he treats his enemies outside. I also hope our son could stay by our side every day, to happily and joyfully look at us every day. That would be such a blessing for us, wouldn’t it!”

All the mistakes we once made are, in our son’s eyes, unforgivable. No matter how far we go, maybe our child might one day forgive us, but our father never will. In our father’s eyes, we are children who keep making mistakes, again and again, never knowing repentance. No matter how much we once wanted to return to this home, for the sake of my child he chose to shut us, his own children, out. In my father’s eyes, only his grandson mattered, because he was the one my father had painstakingly brought up with his own hands. How could he possibly not care about my son’s life or death deep down?”

Xia Jing truly understood this feeling, because everything had been brought about with her own hands. Who else could she blame for the result? Seeing how much her father loved her son, she actually felt very comforted deep down. At least her father hadn’t taken his anger out on her son because of the mistakes she herself had made.

Why has no one ever felt my helplessness?