My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2333: Chapter 2166: Loss of Composure

”I’m sorry, Grandpa. I lost it. I couldn’t control my emotions.”

Zhang Yichen had never seen his grandfather lose his composure the way he did today. Maybe all those years of pent-up grievances buried deep in his heart were finally able to burst out on this day. He could remember it clearly, no matter what: his grandfather often sat there cradling a single photograph, silently shedding tears. When he was alone, he would hold that photo and whisper to himself. He shut himself away in his own little space; whenever he was outside, he was always so bright, so lovable, never letting his negative energy spill onto anyone. All he wanted was for others to be happy, to feel blessed. But behind their backs, how much pain did he shoulder alone? Yichen had never really stopped to think about that.

Sometimes, when he thought about it, he wondered: if he had just given his grandfather a little more care, would things have turned out differently? He had seen with his own eyes how hard his grandfather had lived these past few years, over and over again, how much he’d sacrificed for him. And what had Yichen given back? He couldn’t even give him the most basic bit of joy.

If time could be turned back, would he sit down and really think it through—what kind of life he should have brought to his grandfather, what sort of attitude he should have used to face him? His grandfather had lived through so much pain and heartbreak all these years, and not a single person knew that Yichen had poured out all his suffering, while his grandfather swallowed every bitter tear back into his stomach. He bore all of it alone in silence. And what, exactly, had Yichen been doing?

”Dad, whatever happens, I don’t want you saying anything even more heartless to Grandpa. He really is old now. He can’t take the blow of his own family betraying him over and over again. Can you please try to understand him just a little? Even if you show him the tiniest bit of filial respect, I’ll be grateful to you. I’d be thankful to you from the bottom of my heart, do you know that? Do you have any idea how many people you hurt with every single thing you do? Have you ever thought about how much hatred trails behind you? You keep thinking what you’re doing is right, but is it really right? Search your conscience—have we ever failed you all these years? From the day you were born, has Grandpa ever treated you badly? Didn’t he give you a life of comfort and luxury, so you never had to worry about food or clothing? Compared with others, you’ve been happier than anyone, and even though you didn’t have a mother, did you really never feel that Grandpa poured all his love into you?”

”Deep down, Grandpa felt guilty toward you, and that’s why he poured all the love he had for his wife into you. But in the end, all his hopes for you fell apart. You chose to run far away, to leave here on your own. You’d rather drift in a foreign land, wandering from place to place, than come home and stay by his side. Don’t you think his heart was wounded? Don’t you think he was devastated?”

”You’ve never once considered how he feels in anything you do. So how do you expect him to stand in your shoes and think for you? People compare hearts with hearts—if you’re incapable of treating others as your own family, then don’t expect people to keep forgiving your mistakes again and again. He doesn’t owe you anything.”

”If you came back to this home just to hurt your own father over and over, to hurt me, to hurt everyone in this family, then congratulations—you’ve achieved your goal. You’ve gotten exactly what you wanted. But I’m begging you, please, show some mercy and let Grandpa go. No matter how you hurt me, I can let it slide. I can pretend nothing ever happened. I can treat all of this as my own doing, something I brought on myself. But Grandpa doesn’t owe you a damn thing.”

”Why, even now, are you still pushing all the blame onto me? So everything I’ve done is really wrong? Is what I want so different from what you want? Why do you always selfishly believe that just because your thoughts differ from other people’s, yours must be right?

I never once thought about coming back home to get revenge on you for shutting me out back then. I genuinely wanted to return to this family and stay by your side. But the final outcome was beyond anything I could have imagined. I had no way to control the hurt that ending brought me. Over and over, I swallowed my pride and begged you to let me stay at home. And what did I get in the end? I got nothing. I dumped all the pain and hurt onto myself.”

”Maybe in your eyes I really am selfish, that I never stand in your shoes and consider anything. But do you understand? If I hadn’t stood in your shoes to think about things, about rent and the shop, how would I have put this place here? How would I be saying these things to you? How would I possibly keep you all in the deepest part of my heart, time after time?”

”You’re my family. That’s a fact no one can ever change in this lifetime. Everything I’ve ever done has been in the hope that everyone at home could be happy, could smile; that everyone in the family could be blessed and safe. But in the end, all my expectations came to nothing. Don’t you think that deep down I feel disappointed? That I don’t feel pain, that I don’t feel despair?”

”You keep saying I’ve forced all my suffering onto you, but what about you? Haven’t you loaded all your pain onto me? Haven’t I taken enough hurt and suffering all these years? And you really think that in everything you do there isn’t the slightest trace of selfishness? Don’t use your own narrow thinking to judge other people’s choices. It’s entirely possible that what you’re doing isn’t right. The way you act just keeps wronging people again and again, driving away the ones who love you most.”

”Deep down, you didn’t want me to leave, did you? Then why did you treat me like this? Again and again, you say you’ve suffered and been hurt, but what have you actually gotten out of it? Nothing. You’ve piled everything on your own shoulders. You keep thinking you’re in the right, but in the end you’ll realize that every single thing you’ve done was wrong, because your actions have injured every loved one around you.”

”No matter what, I want to make this clear to you today: I really never meant to hurt you. The way I did things, time after time, I just didn’t know how it would end up hurting you. It wasn’t deliberate, it wasn’t intentional. It was only because I kept making inexplicable mistakes that things turned out this way, that we had to face these consequences again and again. And you think I don’t feel remorse deep down?”

To have you in this life is enough; I will never allow myself to lose you!