My Alleged Husband

Chapter 750: Chapter 720 Enough_1

Xia Jing saw her husband like this, and she really didn’t know what to do.

If she simply forgave him easily, then what was she? Was she someone in his eyes who could be forgiven so carelessly? If that was truly the case, then perhaps it would be better not to have this relationship at all.

Zhang Zhentian had no clue what his wife was really thinking; he only knew that he was constantly reminding her, time and again, but in the end, he only received a heartless response.

No matter how he treated his wife, he thought it was taken for granted in his eyes; but now today, being able to gain even a little bit of affection from his wife seemed worthwhile to him.

”Zhentian, can’t you be a little more of a man? Do you realize how much I look down on you like this?

The least bit of manliness isn’t there, how can I wholeheartedly stick with you and live a life together? You never consider that these past few nights you’ve just been willful.

If you love me, then please show some dignity befitting a man. The way you’re always compromising and suffering – why would I devotedly love someone like that?

Think it over – since I promised to travel the world with you, I’ll definitely do so, but the prerequisite is that you won’t keep degrading yourself. Otherwise, I feel that there’s no meaning in us being together!

We’ve been together for so many years; I believe that you have that bit of courage. If you can’t even muster that courage, then please don’t disturb me anymore. Since I promised to go traveling with you, I’ll definitely do it, but I also hope you can promise me this: don’t keep dawdling around me like a coward. Otherwise, it will only make me look down on you even more. I have absolutely no respect for any man who only knows how to fawn over their wife like a coward!”

Zhang Zhentian didn’t know how to answer his wife’s words because his entire being had gone numb. He had always lived in his wife’s shadow, feeling that pleasing her was more important than anything else, so he never cared about what he truly wanted.

To him, all he wanted was for his wife to stay by his side. Indeed, he was a foolishly devoted person, ready to go to any lengths for his wife.

But in the end, he might never gain his wife’s true love in return. What he desired was not necessarily attainable, and for him, that was perhaps a cruel reality, even a greater blow. He couldn’t bear it, maybe someday he would come to understand that no matter how much sincerity he offered, it cannot win over someone who doesn’t love him.

”Xia Jing, you know as well that I’ve gradually become numb. I always act like a child in front of you because it makes me feel that you’ll love me, want to stay with me and care for me for a lifetime. But gradually, I’ve realized that my thinking is wrong. No matter how much I long for you to stay by my side, you might not always be there. I’ve given everything for you, but in your eyes, it’s just a thing of the past.

Sometimes I really want to ask myself just how bad must I be for the woman I’ve yearned for to not even want to die with me. How big of a failure must my life be?”

Xia Jing heard Zhang Zhentian expressing such self-abandonment, and it made her feel awful, yet she didn’t know how to comfort him. She was aware that all of this was the result of her own choices. If she hadn’t revealed the truth in the first place, would there have been a different outcome? But she had made her choice, so what could she do? She had no option but to silently endure the consequences of her decision.

Perhaps, because of this, she’d lose her wife forever. But she had reached this point and there was no way out.

She had burned her bridges, and for her lifetime, she would have to accept this torment.

”Don’t talk like that; actually, you’re not bad in my heart. It’s just that some things are too indulgent, which is why I feel that whatever you do for me is taken for granted, and whatever I do, I never consider how you might feel or your capacity to endure.

But I really don’t understand why, even at this stage, you still don’t hate me. Even if you hated me just a little, that would be a kind of happiness, a kind of comfort for me, wouldn’t it?

I truly hope you could hate me because then I wouldn’t feel so guilty inside, and I wouldn’t have to think about how to make things clear to you.”

”Is it that if I don’t hate you, you feel the guilt inside and you become restless, and you choose to stay by my side a bit longer to try us out, to see if we’re truly suitable for each other? Is that what you mean?”

Xia Jing was truly at a loss for words. She had not expected her husband to think like this. Was she really so unreasonable in his eyes? Why could she never achieve the life she wanted with every decision she made being wrong?

”I don’t understand why you have such thoughts inside you. Do you think that this way I can stay by your side? We’ve already lost our connection; do you think there’s any point in us being together?”

”For me, it’s not about whether it makes sense or not. As long as you can stay by my side, I will spare no expense. As long as you can continue staying with me, that is the greatest reward in life for me. I don’t ask for anything else; all I want is for you to spend more time with me so that when I die, you will still be willing to accompany me through the great mystery – that, to me, would be the greatest happiness in the world...”

”You truly are hopeless. Haven’t I made myself clear? Don’t you understand what I mean? What I want isn’t simply to agree to try being with you, but we might not end up with any result. Don’t you understand? You make me feel really tired, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to explain to you so you’ll understand!”

”I...”

”Enough, I don’t want to repeat what I’ve said over and over again. You should really think about what kind of attitude you should have when dealing with me, then we might have a future...”