My Alleged Husband

Chapter 721: Chapter 691: The Meeting That Couldn’t Wait_1

People really experience so few, so little in their lifetimes. I know sometimes what I’m waiting for will never come, yet I foolishly continue to wait. It’s not for anything else but the belief that fate also has moments of fairness, and it will eventually reward my patience. But why do I wait, moment by moment, watching time slip away, yet never manage to wait for the one I desire? Does fate truly despise me to the bone, wishing to retaliate in such a manner? Was the biggest mistake of my life hurting someone else or hurting him? What can I possibly do to mend her broken heart, the heart that I shattered? Is all the love I’ve given not enough to win him over?

”Xia Jing, you clearly know that sometimes what you’re waiting for is just an illusion in your heart that regardless of how much you understand, you can’t achieve. So why persist for someone unattainable? Don’t you realize the benefit in that for you? Hurt over and over again, loneliness over and over again—what do they mean to you? Why does everyone think what they do is right, never knowing how much pain their actions cause others?”

Perhaps in your eyes, there’s nothing worth or unworthy, only willing or unwilling. But do you realize how much you’ve hurt those who love you, how much love each person holds in their heart? How much hate? The memories we once walked through hand in hand are nothing to him, yet you still hold steadfast to your love for her, your devotion to him. Although you never took me seriously, hurting me deeply, I’d do anything for you. I don’t know what to do to make you come back to me. Waiting again and again, deceit again and again. You’ve become accustomed to lying, and I, to being deceived by your lies. Even though every word you say to me is a lie, I have never once doubted you because I believe in you!”

The most important thing between husband and wife is trust. If even the basic trust is absent, what is the point of being together? Life is just so. How much deception have I suffered, how much pretense, only to bring massive hurt to myself in the end!

No matter how many wrongs I’ve done, no matter the outrageous misdeeds, in my eyes, they cannot compare to the importance of my own kin. I’ve lost too much, too much. These years, the son’s ultimate act of care toward me is something I don’t deserve as a mother, even less as a wife. The harm I’ve caused you over the years, I can’t make it right. I know you won’t hold it against me, but my heart is filled with guilt. You’ve been so good to me, yet why do I choose to keep hurting you, and what benefit have I gained from harming you? I never thought that one day, when I treated myself as if I were a god, it would be you who’d hurt me so deeply.”

”Actually, I’ve realized that forgetting him has become a luxury that I cannot afford. I simply can’t forget him. For him, I am willing to forsake everything, even a family that could have provided me with a lifetime of happiness. None of that matters in my eyes; the only thing significant is his return. If he were to come back, what harm would there be in paying any price? By nature, I am indifferent. Only for the one I love would I pay any price, but if that person isn’t the one I love, even if he has given me everything, I would ignore it, turn a deaf ear. You must be shocked by my actions. You can hardly believe my words, but have you ever considered the pain I’ve suffered all these years? That pain is indescribable!”

Tortured by longing, I wait for him. Every time night falls, I stand there amidst the darkness, looking at every street, every corner we’ve walked through, every scene where we held hands. How much does my heart ache, and who would know? No one has considered my feelings. There, I wait, yet it all leads to nothing. Some say I am foolish for waiting so long for someone unworthy, calling my life and spirit inadequate, but who knows what I truly want? I just want to stay peacefully by his side. Right now, I only wish to remain at his side, even if he finds me unworthy. I have no complaints; the hurt I’ve caused was my own doing and my own deserved retribution. No matter how he treats me, I’m willing to accept all this retribution. But why, despite everything I’ve offered, does he still refuse to return to me? In his eyes, does he truly despise me that much?

I painfully know he’s the one I might never be able to wait for, could never meet as I wish, but why do I still wait here? Because I believe that providence truly has a moment of fairness for me. Foolishly, I gaze up, beseeching the heavens, praying for every departed loved one, my sister, for the help they’ve given me. I wish they would pity me, allow my love for him one last chance to make an impact. I sincerely hope she would come back to me. Perhaps she truly overlooks me, but what does it matter? The pain I’ve caused her in the past, and however he treats me, it’s all deserved, isn’t it?”

Zhang Zhentian felt his wife had become incurably foolish. Now he had no words to describe it. Once he had given so much to his wife, yet she seemed to disregard any of his feelings. Time and again, he tolerated her deceptions. And now, for another man, she was willing to forsake their already happy family. Did she really find his family so unworthy? Why didn’t she want to give up the past for the sake of their family? Was she willing to pay any price for them? What had he done to deserve enduring such pain and sorrow for a lifetime?