My Alleged Husband

Chapter 727: Chapter 697 Do you still have feelings for me?_1

Xia Jing truly didn’t know what to say to her husband now, because no matter how many times she said it, in her husband’s eyes, she was always nothing more than a deceiver who betrayed emotions.

Yet, she had never foreseen that her husband would love her so deeply. Because of a mistake she made, it rendered her husband incapable of ever forgiving her in this lifetime.

Maybe that’s how it is for everyone. If you make a mistake, then what right do you have to expect others to unconditionally forgive you? Others aren’t obligated to suffer the consequences of your mistakes, so why should they tolerate over and over again? Everything you do can only make you live in pain so unbearable that you wish you were dead.

Zhang Zhentian also knew what his wife was truly thinking. There were things she couldn’t say, because he felt that saying them would ultimately be meaningless. He could only let his wife endure the torment of pain again and again, to make her understand that after each wrong deed, one must accept these consequences. Everyone’s destiny is different, the things one goes through are also different. The path one chooses will ultimately determine the outcome—it is all predestined!

”Xia Jing, I don’t want to say anything now. I just want to ask you one last question, after all these years, have you truly never loved me? What am I to you, in your heart? If you see me as your husband, then why did you do such things to me? Do you really regret them? You could abandon all your family fortune for me, so why are you now treating me with such heartless cruelty?

This was, in fact, something he could not comprehend these past days; once, his wife would relinquish all her wealth for him, but why would she do such things now? Did she truly see him as a naïve fool, always deceived by him, and was all she did merely for the purpose of deceiving him again and again, leaving him no chance to hold his head up high ever again?

”I really don’t know how to explain to you, I thought I could gradually forget him after being with you, but I never expected that no matter what, I can’t erase his shadow in my heart. It’s so deeply rooted that the moment I close my eyes, all I hear is his voice. Do you understand this painful entanglement and torment? I wake from the nightmares over and over. Do you know how much I suffer?

You have never experienced this pain, so you simply can’t understand what I feel inside!

I too wish to tell myself that I truly love you, but some things are beyond my control. It’s not like I can love you more just by saying ’I love you’. Every relationship requires nurturing. Once it becomes a thing of the past, it can no longer be retrieved.

When I held his hands, begging him over and over again, he showed no mercy. He felt that I had wronged him; since I had chosen you, I didn’t deserve to be with him. Why should I be with him after all the mistakes I’ve made?”

Zhang Zhentian was truly shocked that his wife was still making excuses for that man to this day.

Whenever she made the slightest mistake in her eyes, she would speak heartlessly and ruthlessly in the name of principle. Yet why does that man always easily win her true feelings? Did he truly fall short of that man? After the scorn and verbal attacks, had he absolutely failed?

Zhang Zhentian truly didn’t want to accept such reality, yet it was laid bare before his eyes, and he had no choice but to acknowledge that there was no opportunity to start over. The path he once chose entailed abandoning his kin, so he alone must bear the outcome of his choice, leaving him to suffer unbearably for life. But who could he blame? In the beginning, he simply took the wrong path.

If time could be reversed, he certainly wouldn’t have chosen this path, and perhaps today things would not be as they are. Perhaps the two of them could still be happily living together, never to part. When he repeatedly heard those words, how unbearably broken was his heart? Who could empathize with his pain? Did she really consider him her husband?

Deep down, Xia Jing was acutely aware that there was no way to undo what she had done—no way to make it as if it never happened.

Now, she didn’t want to think about anything; she just wanted her family to live a peaceful life. Even if she had to be driven out of her home, that would be okay. She now wished fervently to return to the side of the man she loved most—even though to that man, she was nothing more than a tool for his use, regardless of how many times he verbally attacked her without any sentiment. To Xia Jing, it didn’t matter whether her beloved man still harbored feelings for her. Being by his side, accompanying him at every moment—that alone consoled her. The mistakes she had made in this life had no chance of redemption. Now, she could only let things remain as they were, forever.

”Do you know that once I asked him a question? I asked if he still had feelings for me. ’Not the slightest,’ he said, and in that moment, how utterly desperate I felt. I had no desire to go on living in this world!

It was then I realized that the greatest thing in this world was pain; the agony that lacerated me again and again, which inexorably dragged me into the abyss, leaving me without any way to rise from this pit of suffering for the rest of my life.

But who is to blame? It’s all due to my own actions, which have made things the way they are now. I must bear the consequences of every error I’ve made...”