My Alleged Husband

Chapter 720: Chapter 690: The Greatest Pain in Life_1

”So tell me now, what is the greatest pain in the human world? Can any of you even begin to understand what that pain is like? Not a single one of you can understand, so why bother saying such cruel things to me? If one day you can tell me what the greatest pain in the world is, then I will give you the most genuine answer. But if you can’t, don’t expect me to tell you the answers you want to hear. Everyone trades with something in exchange, and trade after trade just numbs oneself. I don’t want to live like I did before!”

Sometimes, I do hope that one day you’ll tell me your innermost thoughts. Everyone’s inner thoughts are different, because everyone’s experiences are different, leading to different decisions, different paths chosen. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to choose this path? How much suffering I experienced each time I stayed alive, living through pain again and again? Yet you think being with me is the most beautiful thing in the world. But do you have any idea how much pain I’m in being with you?”

You simply have no way of accepting what I say, no way of understanding the things I do, because your heart is the same, unsure of how to handle these things. Do you have any idea of the immense hurt you’ve brought me over the years? You have no way to make up for all the pain I’ve suffered, and there’s no way for you to know. I ask you questions, and you can’t give me the answers I’m looking for. When you really understand what kind of answers you can give me, come find me. Then, I will definitely give you my all!”

Zhang Zhentian couldn’t bear to hear his wife say such things over and over. In his wife’s eyes, was he really such a worthless man? Unable to even give the simplest of answers? Why must they keep saying such ruthless, heartless words to him?

What kind of man does she see him as in her eyes? Could she really dismiss all these years of marital affection so easily? No matter how much he had sacrificed, how much bitterness and pain he had endured, why could she never stand in his shoes and see things from his perspective? How miserably and wearily has he lived his life?

Was everything he had done for her just a joke in her eyes? Was he just overly foolish, naive, or lost, that he kept giving his all for this woman in front of him, even sacrificing his closest relatives? Why could she never see the sincerity of his love, and always compare him to other men, making him feel utterly worthless as a husband in her eyes?

People’s hearts really do change. Why did she swear those deeply touching vows to him during their passionate love, only to turn around and use such things to hurt him now? In her eyes, is hurting him her way of feeling joy and happiness? Why must people be so selfish and self-centered? What exactly is he living this tired life for? Is it just to hurt those who love him most?

”Xia Jing, I don’t understand what you mean with all this. How can you be so sure I can’t be the person in your heart, that I can’t give you the answers you want? You talk about experiencing the greatest pain, a pain I admittedly haven’t gone through, so tell me, what is that greatest pain?

I may not have experienced as much as you, but my love for you has never changed. For you, I am willing to pay any price, to do anything. What exactly have you sacrificed for me? When you first chose to be with me, it now seems to me that you were merely using me, a mere substitute for lost love. But do you realize how much damage you’ve done, not only to yourself but also to me? When I earnestly offered you my heart, you had ulterior motives. That’s unfair to me. I remind myself to treat you well at all times, even if you keep making mistakes. As your husband, I still treat you well, because there are some things for which I must be responsible. I don’t know how to explain to you, so that you can understand the true and sincere love in my heart!”

”Do you know what the greatest pain in the human world is? It’s to watch helplessly as the person you love the most holds someone else’s hand. To see the one you love standing with another woman while you can only cry foolishly from the sidelines, looking at her from a distance with envy and powerlessness. Do you understand how desperate that feels? You’ve never experienced it, but I have. The moment he deleted all of our memories, it was unbearably painful for me. I never thought he’d treat me this way, I never thought my mistakes could hurt him so deeply. I’ve witnessed time and time again the hurt, time and time again the pain, questioning who my heart truly loves!

Do you know how much I love him? I truly, deeply love him. For him, I’m willing to give up even my life. Time after time, I’m drunk to oblivion thinking of him, looking for someone in the whole world to see me, but I can’t find anyone except him. Do you know how much I’m suffering? It hurts so much, but time after time I’ve pleaded with my dignity and principles for him. And when I lower my pride for him, he doesn’t even turn his head. Do you understand how desperate I felt?

In fact, you don’t understand. You’ve never lived this kind of life. But I really don’t want to live like this anymore. I just want to be with him, safe and sound. Why can’t even this small wish be forgiven in your eyes? Must you push me step by step to desperation before you’re truly satisfied? I just want to love her, to be with him. My love for him is unrequited, but my love for him will never change in this lifetime!”