My Alleged Husband

Chapter 712: Chapter 682 Losing Sanity_1

Zhang Zhentian couldn’t understand what his wife was incapable of doing now, as she already seemed on the brink of losing her sanity entirely. For the sake of a high school sweetheart, she had hurt her own flesh and blood to such an extent. He didn’t know how to describe her anymore, though he also realized he used to be that kind of person himself. For his wife, he too had been willing to abandon and disdain his own family. But in the end, reality had slapped him hard. No matter how much he gave, he could never get the best response in his seventy years, because the person he loved didn’t love him back. He had been used over and over again, just to make himself love Zhentian more desperately.

As for Xia Ji, Xia Jing felt that everything she had done had deeply hurt her husband. No matter what decision he made, he could only accept it with a smile. There was no changing many things now, and he knew that all consequences were the results of his own actions—who else could he blame? In the end, all this would only lead to deeper pain for himself. But if his actions caused his loved ones to be hurt again, he truly didn’t want that.

Everyone makes mistakes, but what’s frightening is not making mistakes often—it’s not knowing how to repent after making them, repeatedly making mistakes, and hurting the ones who love you the most. That is truly terrifying. How many wrongs must one commit in a lifetime to realize how deeply they have hurt the person who loved them the most and to learn repentance? How many mistakes must be made before realization? Life after life, decision after decision, the one getting hurt in the end was always his own kin, while those who didn’t care would never let you get hurt.

He was now slowly, gradually coming to understand just how wrong the things he had done were. He had hurt those who loved him dearly, and the person he loved the most left him because of it. He didn’t know what more he could do with his life now, as he knew he could never turn back. Repeated blows ultimately left indelible scars on him.

”Zhentian, I know anything I say now is too little, too late, and has caused profound psychological damage. But please believe me, I had no ulterior motives. All I wanted was a stable life. Every decision I made hurt you, and for that, I am remorseful my whole life. But do you know? I wanted to stay by your side. Everyone makes mistakes, and I’ve made so many. You chose to forgive me time after time. Do you think my heart really didn’t feel a thing? I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I did so much that I ultimately became numb to it all!”

Please don’t make me apologize again. I know you’re completely repelled by me now. You no longer know whether what I say is true or false. I understand that feeling, being constantly deceived by the person you love most and left in the dark. It’s truly unbearable. So no matter what decision you make or what words you say, I won’t blame you. I have ruined the happy life I could have had, all by myself. I don’t know why I made such decisions in the past, hurting you and those who loved me the most. Nothing I did was ever right—I just kept making mistakes and hurting you all!

I’ve never regretted anything as much as I do now. This is the greatest regret of my life. Because I don’t know if what I’m doing is wrong, and I see no way to turn back. Time has ravaged me—I watch as it slips through my fingers, and I no longer have any path of return.

Thank you for your tolerance, but I inevitably disappointed your perfect expectations of me. I’m sorry, this is the last time I’ll say I’m sorry in my life. I don’t know where I’ll end up watching over you from now on. Even if you say nothing, even if you give no response, I choose to leave you. I won’t continue living with you, because my presence has only brought you endless pain and never any consolation!

Your life could have been filled with a perfect and happy person, but you met me. My presence disrupted your entire life plan. I’m sorry. I truly regret that all I wanted was to be by your side. So why did I always end up hurting you, time and time again? All these years, I’ve waited for my high school sweetheart to return, but deep down I know it’s nothing more than a futile delusion. And yet, it was you who always stood by me, protecting and comforting me, bringing me happiness.”

”Do you think it’s really okay for you to say such things now? I’ve been so sincere with you, yet you chose to hurt me in this way. What rights and reasons do you have to speak to me like this now? What am I to you? Can I really not bring you any happiness or joy? In all the years with me, whether your laughter came from your heart or just through tears, I felt incredibly happy. Seeing you force a smile, I believed myself to be the happiest man in the world. So why did you have to slap me in the face like this? What am I in your eyes? Can’t you give me just a little bit of happiness, a little bit of comfort? Why do you have to be so decisive in making things irreversible?

I must admit, the Xia Jing I know has now completely lost her sanity. The things you’re doing now are without any reason, led only by your own heart. You don’t even know what you want anymore, fixated on a person you miss, ready to do everything and anything for him, even at the expense of life itself. But do you know? Your actions have thoroughly shattered my sincere feelings for you! How can you bear to hurt me?”