My Alleged Husband

Chapter 711: Chapter 681: Unchanging Foolish Heart

”I know that a simple ’sorry’ can’t fully resolve this issue. The harm you spoke of may be something I can never mend in this lifetime, but did you know? Over the years, I was truly sincere towards you. Yet, when I was most sincere, you thought I was lying to you. It was then that I realized no matter how genuine I was, it wouldn’t necessarily gain me your trust. Just a single injury, over and over again doubts, doomed me to never be able to be with you!

Did you know that during all these years with you, sometimes I felt truly happy, and other times very sad? I’d often nostalgically remember every path I once walked with her. Avoiding, afraid to look at every road, every footprint, I’ve taken with him. I was scared that as soon as I opened my eyes and saw that place, I would remember how he and I had walked hand in hand, smiling happily on the street, chasing after... Do you understand? That feeling is truly indescribable!

You also know, after all these years together, we never had that intuitive understanding between us, because deep down in your heart, you also know, no matter what I do, I’ll never be the best in your eyes, right?

You always think you can give me the happiness I want, but if you ask yourself, have you? Have you really given me the happiness I longed for? Even though I sometimes smile with you, do you realize that it’s all forced? I can’t always keep a straight face with you, can I? Genuine smiles have been rare when I’m with you, and I don’t even understand why. Maybe revealing these things now will hurt you deeply, deliver a huge blow, making you feel like a complete failure as a man, unable to give his own wife the joy and happiness she seeks. But did you know that I needed to make some things clear now because if I don’t, there might never be another chance, and I hope you can understand the pain in my heart!”

”Now, you’re telling me about the pain in your heart, but have you ever thought about how your words and actions embarrass me? Despite everything you’ve done, I really wanted to divorce you immediately, to kick you out of this house for good. But for my father’s sake, for the family’s interests, I couldn’t do it. If I did, the consequences would be unthinkable. My father’s company would face a huge financial shortfall. What then? I can’t let my father bear such a risk again because of me. I’ve given nothing but pain and mistrust to him, and you, what have you ever trusted me with? For your sake, I even threatened my own father. How much more do I have to do for you before you’re content? Hearts are made of flesh; they get cold and hurt. Why do you treat me this way? Did you never worry that I might really be heartbroken and shed tears?

They say ’Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,’ but I never imagined my wife would treat me like this. I thought that no matter what you did, you’d still have me in your heart. But now, you’ve shattered even this last fantasy. Whatever you do, the person in your heart isn’t me. The pain this causes me only drives me further away from you. Maybe that’s why you feel a bit less guilty. But did you know, every word you’ve said to me, every time you’ve rejected me, I felt it as you not loving me enough, not being sincere enough. I’ve poured out my whole heart to you time and time again, yet you choose to hurt me this way. Is that fair? Seeing me in agony over and over, does that truly make you happy?

”I’ve already apologized to you sincerely. I’ve said I’m sorry about this matter. What else do you want me to do? Kneel and beg for your forgiveness? Everyone can be foolishly devoted to someone in their lives. Maybe you think my actions are an affront to you, but did you know that my love for her will never change for as long as I live? It was only when she left that I realized how deeply I loved her, how painful it is. Watching him, looking at my back, looking at every photo with him, do you realize how excruciating that is? I’ve always kept you away from my things over the years because I was afraid you’d uncover all the secrets in my heart. I feared the day when you’d find out, not knowing how to explain it to you. But today, I chose to reveal everything, so you might know that some things aren’t for us to decide!”

”Do you realize that for this brief union, I prayed earnestly before Buddha, carrying all our memories, step by step, to this day? All I wanted was to be with you. And in the end, I got you, but I didn’t gain your heart. I gave you everything, and in return, you gave me tremendous blow and pain!

Now you’re unchangeably fixated. No matter how you treat him, he’ll never come back to you. You’ll always be looking at his back. Do you think that’s okay? Have you ever considered the hurt you’ve caused me as a husband? You always think what you’re doing is right, but do you understand that your actions have hurt two people? Do you see how guilty and conflicted that makes us both feel? I don’t know what else to say to you, maybe I’m just a speck of dust to you, insignificant in your eyes. But did you know that even pebbles shine, and one day you could have shone like a diamond? But you’ll never see it, because you’ve utterly stripped me of my luster!”

”I’m sorry, truly sorry.”

”Don’t come to me with your apologies anymore. I hope you won’t hold onto your fantasies any longer. No matter how many times you think about it, he’s never coming back to you. Whatever you do for him, he won’t look back. The past is past, and you can only silently bear your pain. From now on, you can only walk step by step towards death. I won’t touch you again!”