My Alleged Husband

Chapter 713: Chapter 683: Will not love again_1

”Now in your eyes, you might think I’ve completely lost my sanity, but do you know that this is the real me? I can give up everything for the person I love the most, even my sanity. The things I do for him bypass my brain and follow my heart, but for you, I can’t do that because you’re not the person my heart loves; the person I think of is not you. Even though sometimes I smile with you, that’s not my true happiness. All I want is to be by her side, by the side of the person I love the most. It’s actually something that’s impossible now, but I’m still hoping, hoping that one day Heaven will look favorably upon me!”

”Do you realize that by becoming like this, even the person you love the most would feel heartache seeing you? How could he bear to see the girl he once loved so deeply turn into this state, completely losing her sanity, acting without any thought, blindly obsessing over her own desires? Don’t you understand how he must feel? Why don’t you try to think from someone else’s perspective, consider their feelings when you do these things? Why are you always so selfish? Your selfishness scares me. I can’t treat you the same way as before, but that doesn’t mean you have to take revenge on me like this. Do you think I don’t love you anymore? Do you think that after these actions and telling me the truth, I would fully hate you? You’re wrong, terribly wrong. Even if you do this, in my heart, you’re still that most cherished person!”

”Can’t you try to love me just once? Look at your brother and sister-in-law; look at how happy they are together. Look at Xiao Wei and Jiayuan; they’re so happy and blessed. Why can’t we live like them? Just because your heart longs for someone else, should I pay any price? Why do you treat me so selfishly? Doesn’t the love I give you deserve even a bit of your sincerity in return? All these years, I’ve been hoping that one day you could wholeheartedly invest your heart in me, but it seems I’ll never see that day. Your heart is not in this home. Your woman’s body might be here, but your heart is not. Why am I only left with a shell and not your heart? I’ve given so much, yet in the end, I can only have your presence and not your heart, which is unbearable.”

”I’m sorry. I know this outcome causes you immense psychological pain, but from the day I looked at you, I swore I would never fall in love with anyone again this lifetime, no matter how much they sacrifice for me, even their life. I may feel touched, but I can never love them, because I must reserve my heart for the man I love the most. My heart can only hold one man, I can never make room for another, regardless of what the end of the world looks like, I won’t regret the mistakes I’ve made. I must bear the responsibility on my own, the repeated hurts, over and over. Don’t let it be that there’s no way for me to return to the life I once had, I truly regret it. There’s no way to revert things to how they were at the beginning, so perfect, but now I only know that I truly love her, and for her, I’d pay any price. My life is nearly spent, my ideals are completely gone; all I have left is my obsession. It’s what has supported me to this day—my obsession for him!”

”I know you’re my husband, and I know the law can’t change that. We’re married, and we’ve lived together for many years, but my heart has never forgotten him. He’s deeply rooted within me; how could I forget him so easily? If so, I don’t deserve to be your wife, nor to bear our son, do I? Giving you our son is the best I can offer, but my heart, I can’t give to you. I’ve given you a descendant for your family, but I can only forever bury my heart. I must reserve my heart for her, even if she will never return to me. My love for him will live on with me; while I live, this love exists, and in death, it remains. For when I die, I’ll take this love into my coffin and into the soil, and on the day I’m reincarnated, I’ll still carry it with me. I’ll remember him for lifetimes, never forgetting!”

”Don’t think I’m too hopelessly infatuated, don’t think I’m too foolish. But for the one I love the most, I deserve to do this. Haven’t you also been able to abandon your family, your father, your entire clan for me? You say you can forsake it all, and in my eyes, I could too, but not for you—for her. Doing this may add salt to your wounds, but today I must make everything clear, or you’ll sink deeper for the rest of your life, unable to escape. I’ve found solace in his embrace, in my love for him. I have no path to turn back to, and I don’t want you to take the same path. I hope you’ll consider the choice in my heart!”

”I understand. In your heart, I will never compare to her. Since you’ve decided this, what more can I say? You love him so much, go to him then! Why waste your time here with me? Do you realize that your very existence reminds me of the grave mistake I made, why I abandoned everything I should have had for a woman who isn’t worth it?”

I don’t know what to say. He knows it’s all his fault, but is everything really his fault? Maybe it is, but he’s helpless; once you’ve fallen for the person you love the most, there’s no turning back. Why force myself to go back? Isn’t that too unfair?