My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1733: Chapter 1527: In the Heart

I don’t understand why you want to leave me, leaving me alone and desolate. Don’t you know that I really, really miss you, and I truly like you? Why on earth did you abandon me?

Xia Jing saw her husband like this, and she really didn’t know what to do.

If she forgives him so easily, then what does she count for? In his eyes, is she just someone who forgives easily? If that’s the case, then this relationship might as well not exist.

Zhang Zhentian didn’t know what his wife really thought deep down. He only knew that every time he reminded his wife, it always ended in cold treatment.

No matter how he treated his wife, he thought it was only natural, but now he felt it was worth it to gain even a little favor from his wife.

”Zhentian, can’t you be a bit more manly? Don’t you know that when you’re like this, I really look down on you.

You lack even the most basic manliness; how can I be wholeheartedly with you? You’ve never considered my perspective; these last few days, you’ve only stubbornly done things your way.

If you love me, please have the dignity a man should have. When you only yield and compromise yourself, why do you think I should wholeheartedly love you?

Think about it carefully. Since I promised to travel the world with you, I will, but only if you stop compromising yourself like this. Otherwise, I see no meaning in us being together!

We’ve been together for decades, and I believe you have some courage. If you can’t even muster that much courage, then stop bothering me. Since I promised to travel with you, I will, but I hope you’ll promise me this one thing: don’t act like a coward in front of me. If you do, I’ll only look down on you. I can’t respect any man who only acts cowardly in front of his wife!”

Zhang Zhentian didn’t know how to respond to his wife’s words, because he was already numb. He had always lived in his wife’s shadow, thinking that pleasing her was more important than anything, so he never considered what he truly wanted.

For him, he only wanted his wife to stay by his side. He was truly infatuated, willing to do anything for his wife at any cost.

But in the end, his wife might not reciprocate with sincere feelings. What he desired he might never obtain; this was a cruel reality for him, even a bigger blow he couldn’t bear. Maybe one day he’ll come to understand—no matter how much sincerity he offers, he can’t win over someone who doesn’t love him.

”Xia Jing, you know I’ve become numb. In front of you, I’ve always been like a child because it makes me feel that you’ll love me and stay by my side to take care of me for a lifetime. But slowly, I realized my thinking was wrong. No matter how much I want you to stay by my side, you won’t necessarily stay. I gave everything for you, but in your eyes, it’s all just fleeting clouds.

Sometimes I really want to ask myself how bad I must be for the woman I’ve longed for all my life to not want to stay by my side, even to death. How much of a failure am I living as?

Xia Jing felt very uncomfortable hearing Zhang Zhentian’s self-destructive words, but she didn’t know how to comfort him. She knew all of this was the result of her choices. If she hadn’t exposed the facts initially, would there be such an outcome? But she had already made a choice; what else could she do? She could only bear all the consequences that choice brought to her.

Perhaps because of this, she would lose her wife forever, but she had already come this far, and there was no going back.

She had cut off her only way out and would have to endure such torment for the rest of her life.

”Don’t say that. In my heart, you’re not bad; it’s just that sometimes you’re too indulgent, which makes me think that whatever you do for me is only natural. Conversely, I’ve never considered your feelings or your capacity to endure.

But I truly don’t understand why even at this point you still don’t hate me. Even a little hate on your part would be a kind of happiness and comfort for me, wouldn’t it?

I really hope you can hate me because if you hate me, I won’t feel this guilty inside. I won’t have to think about how to explain all of this to you.”

”Is it that if I don’t hate you, you’ll feel guilty and uneasy, and you’ll choose to stay by my side longer to see if we’re truly suitable? Is that what you mean?”

Xia Jing was truly speechless. She didn’t expect her husband to entertain such thoughts. Did she really seem so unreasonable in his eyes? Why couldn’t she get the life she wanted? Why were all her decisions wrong?

”I don’t understand why you would think this way. Do you think that by acting this way, I will stay by your side? There’s no longer that kind of mutual understanding between us; do you think there’s still any meaning for us to be together?”

”For me, it doesn’t matter if there’s any meaning. As long as you can stay by my side, I’m willing to pay any cost. As long as you stay with me, it’s the greatest reward in my life. I don’t ask for anything else, I just want you to spend more time with me until my dying day when you can still accompany me into the great beyond; it’s the greatest happiness in the world for me...”

”You’re truly incorrigible. I’ve spoken so clearly, yet you still don’t understand my real meaning? I don’t wish for this—if I agree to try being with you, we still might not have a result. Don’t you understand? Your way makes me feel so very, very tired. I don’t know what I should do or how to talk to you so that you might understand!”

”I...”

”Enough. I don’t want to repeat what I’ve said over and over again in front of you. You need to seriously consider what kind of attitude you should take towards me for us to have a result...”

You know full well that nothing can replace your place, but why do you still resolutely decide to leave me?

When you feel that all this isn’t real, and love and hate have no reason, if I’m to bear the burden of hypocritical love and hate, then I’m willing to do so gladly!