My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1720: Chapter 1514: Starting Over

Many things aren’t as simple as you imagine, and even if everything slips away from reach, does it mean I can never start over again?

I know you harbor many resentments against me, and I understand. But please, for the sake of all my hard work just to live a life that’s not ordinary, consider my feelings.

I really don’t know how to describe my feelings to you back then, but now I can tell you everything about that day’s emotions.”

...

”Zhentian, if there is a next life, I would still want to continue living with you because you truly are a great man. But now, I can’t continue living with you. The paths we chose have already determined the kind of ending we’ll face, so I don’t wish for such an ending to make us both more embarrassed.

Anyway, today is the last time we’re meeting, so listen to the thoughts in my heart. When I was with you, just looking at you, my heart suddenly beat wildly at that moment. I knew right then I had deeply fallen into your heart, and there’s no way to change that for the rest of my life.

But later, I realized that even though I loved you so much, I meant nothing in your heart. I didn’t know why you chose to be with me back then, but when I was with you, it was truly not because of your money, your family background, or your status. If I cared about those, I could have chosen men with far better conditions than yours. But I didn’t do that. I only know I’m a humble girl, and I can’t compare with the daughters from Wealthy Families, so there’s no way I could match up with you. Initially, your father also opposed us being together. Back then, I was really disheartened. I never thought my path of love would be so rocky. But when I saw you defiantly standing up against your father for me, I realized you really loved me. Regardless of whether that love was feigned or had ulterior motives, I felt comforted. From that point on, I didn’t hope for much. I just wished that the person I love could love me unconditionally, genuinely treat me as his own, sincerely include me in his life plans.

Though the decisions we made back then were unbelievable to us both, now thinking about those youthful days, that reckless youth, who wouldn’t cherish those precious memories? Looking back, I feel really happy. Thank you for giving me so many memories that are forever indelible in my life. These memories will always stay in my heart; I won’t forget them. Whether you remember them or not, I can’t control your thoughts. Perhaps you’ll turn away and forget, but I won’t; from the very beginning, I truly loved you. But you chose to use me. There’s no need for you to explain now. My intuition was spot-on. I clearly knew you were using me, yet I still followed your lead despite knowing I’d be hurt in the end. Even if I’d end up severely damaged, I still wanted to be with you. I only hoped to be with you without any other expectations. But ultimately, what did you give me in return? Your distrust, your doubts? What’s the point of such a marriage? Better to end it early. This marriage wasn’t the happiest for either of us. During those times, I don’t know if you were happy, but I was very happy and content. The happiest time inside was those many years when you’d forsaken everything for me and wandered with me, homeless. I am grateful; I’ll never repay all that you’ve given me in this lifetime. I know you’ve lost so much, and because of this loss, I can’t make it up to you. But I hope you understand that since you’ve already made your decision, don’t think about reuniting with me. It’s an unrealistic thought...

I’ve said all I needed to say. Now think about what you want to say because today is our last meeting, and if it’s not said now, there won’t be another chance.”

Zhang Zhentian knows that every word Xia Jing says is true. He knows that if this woman hides away and doesn’t want to see him, he could search to the ends of the earth and still not find her. The power behind him is so immense that he has no means to make it disappear, so he must comply. If he has anything to say, he should hurry and say it; otherwise, he may not even have the chance to speak.

”Perhaps you think when I was with you, it wasn’t love but had other motives. But I’m clear in my conscience; I loved you with or without you. Only after you left did I realize that this love isn’t something that can be forgotten easily. Yet the wrongs I committed must be faced by me. I can’t keep pushing all the mistakes onto you, or letting you take the blame for me. I know every decision I made hurt you deeply. But you never left; you stayed by my side. That comforted me so much. Even knowing these things were unfair to you, I never spoke up for you, never stood in your shoes to consider a single thing. That’s my failure as a husband and as a man. I won’t be like before. Maybe you can forget me, but I can’t figure out what I truly want inside, nor what life I wish to live. I’ve come to realize that I’m not a profit-driven person. For my love, I can forsake all benefits. I once pursued love with any means, and now I can forsake it all for the one I love. I don’t care about money, status, fame, or power. I only care about whether I can achieve the life I desire, the life I want. Now, the life I want is incomplete without you; it won’t be perfect. I believe through my efforts, I can still find you, thus creating my perfect life. I hope you await the day I find you. No matter where you go, I will find you, even to the ends of the earth. I will keep searching for you until I find you. Even if I die trying and never get to see you one last time, I won’t regret it.

I ask for nothing else, want nothing more; just on the day I find you, don’t give me one more despair. I just want to be with you. If you give me despair again, I would truly be devastated. My life can’t handle such ups and downs. I realize my mistakes, and the despair you’ve given me has deeply let me experience the arrival of death. That despair terrified me!”

Life is a series of continuous efforts to make one’s life happier. No one owes anything to anyone; no one should do anything for anyone.