My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1728: Chapter 1522: It’s Actually Not So Bad

If pain is a form of expression, then I believe I can remain stubborn until the end, while silence is the most perfect interaction; no one can remain silent without a word, always indifferent.

Zhang Zhentian knows what his wife is thinking deep down, but there are some things he really finds difficult to say. Everyone has their own dignity and face, and every action taken by everyone will be affected, with equivalent costs. Nobody is willingly happy to accept this; only living one life after another makes him truly emotionally exhausted. Is living really so painful for him? Why can he never find the life he wants? Why must he live a life filled with such misery, even though he knows what his life’s outcome will be, in the end, he is still submerged in pain, always living in pain, with no hope of relief.

Xia Jing noticed Zhang Zhentian’s inner feelings; he realized that his actions might not be appropriate to state so bluntly, as it might genuinely harm the harmony of his family, and he spoke to his father with an apology.

”Zhentian, I’m sorry. I know that when you hear your wife say such things, your heart will be filled with unspeakable pain. Yet I truly don’t want to hide my inner emotions any longer. I just want to live with the one I love the most. If my beloved boyfriend can return to my side, I would give up everything, I wouldn’t care even for my life. If time offered me a chance, I would prefer to stand in the middle of the road and let all the cars crush me, torn to pieces, simply to see my most beloved man one last time in the hospital. That would be the happiest thing for me; if I could see him glance at me one more time, I would be satisfied. Life may be filled with too many ups and downs, and my life is full of them. All my life, why must I endure so many lumps and bumps? Why can’t I live joyfully and happily for once? Life after life ultimately pushes me into the abyss of pain, and my actions personally destroyed all my happiness.

The root of my happiness was personally buried by me; I don’t know how many mistakes I’ve made in this life, nor how many people I’ve wronged. But I do know that this time, I have genuinely fallen in love, yet falling in love only ends with losing. Falling in love means don’t dream of winning. I understand that from the moment I realized my genuine feelings for him, I knew I would never have a chance to win because my heart already belonged to him. No matter where he goes, my heart will follow, even to the ends of the earth, I will follow him.

Throughout my life, I don’t even know how pathetic my existence truly is. The people I want are never mine, the career I wish to pursue never succeeds. I just want to understand why, in the same year and the same place, I’ve had to endure so many experiences, so many setbacks. The person I want has left me, the career I want has shattered, I long for a happy life, yet time and again I struggle through countless dark nights. I am crying for help, I am crying for help, for the light in my life to come and rescue me, but my light can only rely on her - my first, beloved boyfriend!

”Forget it, anyway, whatever I say won’t reach you. I no longer wish to interfere in the matters between you and my son. Do what you want, just hope that in the end, you both show mercy to one another, and avoid hurting each other more. Can’t past things be considered past? Must they be brought up again and again, causing everyone to follow in agony?”

”I’ve considered it, but I can risk my life for him, not fearing drunkness or hospitalization, and at that moment, I knew that my life had deeply entrenched, unable to withdraw. I don’t know how to brush my presence, I can only choose to hurt her. But I didn’t realize that hurting her would eventually bring suffering to myself. How long must I wait for his turn back after millennia of waiting? I don’t know; I dial his number time and again only to find it blacklisted. Who can understand my despair, my agony when I saw him delete all my information and resources? Who could comprehend my desperation at that moment? I repeated to myself countless times not to make mistakes again, just to be happy and carefree with him. Why make everyone unhappy and unhappy along with oneself? But I ended up disappointing him, losing him after all. Reflecting on all the days and nights spent together, remembering the moments of companionship, how truly painful must my heart be? Watching the evening scenery, vibrant to everyone’s eyes, appears sorrowful, pale, and colorless only in mine. I see not a single bit of light; reaching out into the pitch darkness, there’s nothing. I only know that I truly felt the pain; it has become a dark place - the eternal darkness of my heart, with no way to find the light unless he could return to my side!

Perhaps none of you can ever truly understand my pain, but I really want to tell you I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him to the point of disregard for everything. I love him so much that I could offer my life for him; I love him enough to abandon all I hold dear for his sake. But ultimately, I still can’t keep him by my side. How incompetent must I be to lose my beloved person? I’ve wondered how I might reclaim him.

Having done wrong, regardless of how Heaven treats me, I can only choose to accept all the punishments Heaven deems for me because I have no right to choose.

I won’t mention these matters anymore; I’ll think about how to live joyfully, yet I have no way to make myself happy. As soon as I close my eyes, my entire mind is filled with images of holding hands with him. Never once over all these years have I forgotten the joyful times spent with him. My happiness with him is the happiest moment of my life in this world; maybe that period has passed, yet my heart forever loves her, regardless of the ends of the earth, regardless of whether he eventually marries and has kids. I will love her for a lifetime, never forget her. This love is deep-rooted; this love is a love from the heart, a love that cannot be extinguished by anything. Perhaps time proves everything, but time is also a fraud!”

If ruthlessness is just a way of comfort between us, then I would still choose to be very passive. If what we call being too poor is merely the profits of the money, then that is just a dream between us, and I shouldn’t keep imagining everything about you!