My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1711: Chapter 1505: Depiction

How to depict, how can I avoid letting my obsessions be long bound, the night is vast, yet I sit here alone.

Zhang Ni actually knows what his father truly thinks deep inside. Over these years, the reason he has chosen to say nothing is only because he hopes to leave a way out for both sides, allowing each person to ponder over how this path should be taken, what kind of actions should be made, so that no one feels heartache over the decisions made because of their achievements. He has grown different from before, as time goes by, as the family argues relentlessly. He knows to survive here, family harmony is essential; everyone must be united. If force were always the way to resolve matters, living here would only bring sorrow and pain to the family.

Zhang Yichen wouldn’t understand what his son truly thinks inside; nor does he understand his son’s innermost thoughts. He only knows he has fulfilled his duty as a father, told his child everything he should say. Whether his child would ultimately choose to heed his advice depends only on whether he chooses this path.

”Dad, you actually understand better than anyone inside, right? You see more clearly than anyone, yet you choose to say nothing because you don’t want the family relations to worsen. Just because of this, do you know that your current thinking and actions have brought different perspectives to every family member, leaving each bewildered by you?

No one wants to live in pain eternally; everyone wishes for a lifetime of carefree happiness, actually hoping to live unfetteredly. Otherwise, would it be reality? Would it truly come true? Who can indeed reach such bounds? Every time, everyone wants only pain, sorrow; none ever thinks what exactly should I do, what have I truly gained in all this?

Initially, for trivial matters, I followed you all, and it’s only now I realize how absurd my actions were back then. Why did I incite disputes among you over those matters, make you feel hurt deep inside?

I don’t know if what I’m doing is wrong, I only want everything to change from its original state, I want every family member to live better, live freely as desired. Yet why do I ultimately find no matter what I do, I can’t make everyone live according to my will? Is what I do meaningless, should a decision truly be made like that? Mom, why, in your eyes, is it just me wanting to take my path, to explore how vast the outside world truly is, wanting to travel the world by my own effort. Yet in your eyes, it’s just a joke, a jest; you won’t regard my words as anything real.

Everything I’ve done has gradually reached my intended goals, yet in the end, I find the outcomes totally opposite to what I used to desire, no longer what I wanted the most. I had no way to control it, making me feel how weak I am, unable to manage my best life, instead making a mess of it all.”

”Child, let us refrain from discussing these matters further; shouldn’t we, as father and son, live harmoniously? Why argue over matters again? Our priority now is to bring back your grandparents, to support your mother, so she may sooner recover to live normally, without always being confused, sometimes crazy, sometimes clear. Isn’t this pain in her heart?”

You know, your mom is proud; once she makes a choice, she won’t let anyone easily change her decision. But now she’s confined here, in a tiny space. If her mind were clear, would she be happy? Is this truly the life she desires? She would feel the gravest insult, would think she’s burdening us, deeming herself a drag.”

”I don’t want to dwell on these issues anymore; I hope you convince grandpa and grandma to figure out their true desires. If all they want is to live freely like before, our home won’t sincerely welcome them; their return brings too much upheaval, again and again, leaving us no time to react. I don’t want this life to continue this way. I hope they ponder what they desire most in this life, what their decisions have made of us.”

Zhang Zhentian stood here, listening to his son and grandson’s conversation. He hadn’t known, at least now, they still considered what he, as an elder, had done, what he’s owed these years. But now he finally returned home, why must he time after time hurt them using the same way, abandon their trust, discard all their efforts, making them all for naught? Why would he hurt them so, and could he forgive himself deep inside? Would he ever feel no guilt?

Actually, deep in his heart, he also feels great pain. But faced with these, he doesn’t know what choice to make; what he wanted most was for everyone to live happily, yet his desired final outcome never came.

His heart is indeed also pained and conflicted; he hopes everyone can be happy too. But because of his appearance, this once harmonious family feels so awkward now.

Missing everything transforms into the deepest pain.