My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1719: Chapter 1513: Once Loved You

Loving you is the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. Because of you, my life is colorful, and because of you, I have a different life.

Old Master Zhang genuinely doesn’t know how to articulate his feelings about his son and daughter-in-law. Why is it that in their eyes, family seems so inconsequential and easy to disregard? Is it really so hard to offer even a tiny bit of genuine affection? Even a little bit of true heart is so difficult?

He feels that he has sacrificed so much over the years, believing that his entire life’s work would only lead to this conclusion. She hopes that everyone in the house can try to understand him. How did she forgive him? Even a tiny bit of love from her would make him happy, but why does he finally realize that all of this was just a fantasy, that he receives nothing? No matter how much effort he puts in, he’s never valued in his family’s eyes. The son doesn’t see him as a father, everyone at home wants to flee from him. Is he really that terrifying? Reflecting on the efforts made throughout these years, everyone should understand.

”I don’t understand why, after putting in so much effort, it’s seen as insignificant by all of you. Despite asking you numerous times, I’ve already sacrificed so much, but what have you ultimately given me in return, and who has ever cared about my inner pain? Every step I’ve taken to get here hasn’t been easy, and who has ever considered my feelings, my efforts, and everything I’ve given? I genuinely have no words for you all; the only thing I know is that these years have left me pained, every step felt like walking on thin ice, yet I’ve never regretted it. I only hope my family can stay by my side, and I want everyone to give me the ending I desire most. Even if it’s just a little bit fake, if someone would at least say it’s for my good, for their love for me, I would be so happy!

I’ve done so many wrong things in my life, I can’t even tell which was right or wrong. As long as it’s something you want, I’ll give my all to provide. But I still want to give you everything because I love you, for this family I can sacrifice everything. You’re my son, how could a father be so cold to turn you away time and time again? I can’t do it. Can you give me, as your father, a little time to calm down and figure out how I should choose to love you? How to express all my heartfelt feelings to you?

Child, sometimes I wonder why I’ve done all this, what it’s all been for. Don’t give up everything for these supposed ’everything’ without knowing, you should think about what kind of life you truly want. Why dwell on unhappy reasons for things that aren’t worth it? Everyone has their own journey. What we should do is make life more diverse and colorful, not to doubt everything faced in this lifetime with a sorrowful mindset.”

”Dad, do you know I’ve thought about what all my efforts amounted to? I want the whole family to understand me, but in the end, who really understands my feelings? With each step I took, who stood in my shoes and thought about these issues? I truly don’t understand what I must do to receive your genuine and sincere love. How scared I am of never having another chance to meet with you this lifetime. How I fear living out there, never able to return home. I’m scared, I don’t want to experience this kind of life anymore. Such a life made me feel confident, what I desire is just a stable life, but why is it so cheap? Is what I want so hard to achieve?

I really wish time could turn back, back to the day I chose to give up everything to stay by your side, I’d never forget, when I turned away to achieve tears streaming down my face; do you know how painful that was for me?

Dad, have you thought about it? Although I am a child, I made the wrong choice by leaving the family, but deep down, I never thought of abandoning anyone in this family. I was forced to make that choice, and I merely followed those steps. This is how everything became what it is now, and I have no way back, no path to retrace. But I regret it, I truly regret it, I regret all the decisions I made, I regret every sorrowful effort I put in. I only hope to return to this home, to be by your side. Time and time again, I beg for your forgiveness, but which of you has ever stood in my shoes to forgive me even once?

You say I did all this just for Xing Xing, so that my son would change his view of me. But have you thought about it? Why would I do this, is it really just because my son said those things to me? What I want is simply a plain life, hoping to live quietly without interference, without threats, without influences from others, living the life I want, and not changing my path because of anyone.

But now I realize everything I have has changed. I feel life has lost its direction, I am in a confused life, wandering in a bewildered forest. I no longer know how to walk this path, and what I want is just to be by your side, to be a filial son. You need not leave this home, not be affected, and what did I do wrong? Why can I not get this result? I’m frightened, I’m regretful, I don’t want life to continue this way; all I wish for is a plain and simple life, and yet I end up with nothing.

Dad, I’m begging you, I’m truly begging you, just let me stay by your side peacefully, don’t send me away again. I won’t throw tantrums anymore, won’t get angry if you just let me stay by your side. But it isn’t really that hard for you, is it?”

Your place deep in my heart is an unattainable luxury, as we stand back to back against the dark night, stubbornly yet so similarly guarding our own fortresses.

Do you know that my heart has always held its place for you? If memories gradually fade, becoming sad tales, eventually, we’ll lose each other at our own endings.