My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1709: Chapter 1503: The Distance of Love

Zhang Yichen saw his own biological mother becoming increasingly anxious each day, and he felt she was quite pitiable. No matter the amount of harm his mother had caused him, she always loved him. There is no mother in the world who does not love her child; she simply chose the wrong path. Knowing she now regrets it, why should he cling to the past and not let go? Holding onto the past only makes everyone live in pain and anxiety, constantly struggling within their suffering. If this is truly the case, won’t he lose a kind-hearted nature himself? He never wanted these things to happen in his family because everyone thinks differently.

”Grandpa, there are things that we don’t need to pursue as rigorously as before. As long as mom can come back, as long as our family can reunite, as long as we can live happily, what’s the harm? Let the things from before thoroughly pass with the flow of time, which might indeed be a good medicine, healing the wounds in everyone’s hearts!

Our family has managed to reunite, so why let unhappy memories ruin our chance at happiness? We’ve already paid too high a price, and no one else can settle it for us. Every time, we endure the pain ourselves. We should learn to look forward, forget the unpleasant past, bring my mom and dad home, let them accompany each other forever, isn’t it better for our family to return to that happy state?”

Old Master Zhang felt that his grandson made sense. He also believed that certain matters should not be pursued as intensely anymore. Clinging to the past means no one can truly live happily. Maybe it’s time to open up like before, and treat everyone around him kindly. Why let them suffer continual harm from his actions? Everyone faces difficulties, no one lives easily, all struggle in pain.

”Perhaps you’re right, maybe I’ve held onto too many things. Perhaps I should really give up on the unhappy past, reflect properly on my mistakes. It’s time to let go, let them as a family be together well. I will no longer cling to the past, but some things cannot be forgotten completely. Everyone has their little secrets, which I understand, but repeatedly disregarding your husband—not taking him seriously—is intolerable to me. After all, he’s still my biological son!”

”Maybe you all think you can forget the past, but I cannot. Maybe you all believe time can heal every inward wound, but time doesn’t actually work that way. It can’t change the reality of your hurt, only deepens the pain in your heart. Time is indeed the most frightening killer, time and again dragging you into despair, without any way to climb out, only moaning and struggling in pain. It won’t give you any chance to rise, because if you rise, time knows it has no way to press you down again in this lifetime.

Perhaps I shouldn’t complain about the heavens’ unfair treatment, because the heavens are actually fair, giving you something yet taking away something you love most. But I’ll never be grateful to the heavens, as the pain it made me endure cannot be obliterated this lifetime. Repeatedly I reflect on every path I’ve chosen, the only regret I have is losing her. I’ve never regretted any decision, but losing her was my life’s greatest tragedy. This pain is unforgettable as it has imprinted on me deeply. I lost the person I loved the most because of my mistaken choices—there’s no way to compensate for the errors I committed.”

No matter if my life is happy or spent in pain’s abyss, it matters not to me anymore. As I wake repeatedly from nightmares, you know what kind of nightmares they are? I dream repeatedly that he looks at my hands and leaves me behind. Can anyone comprehend my inner suffering? As I awaken from nightmares, I find no one beside me to aid me. My world consists only of myself, alone in darkness, a world so dark you can’t see your hands. Who can truly understand such pain? Perhaps you can’t comprehend what kind of pain it is, but I can’t explain it to you either. I only rely on my willpower to endure repeatedly, because I cannot collapse. I must use all my time to think of him, to accept heaven’s punishment for me. Only by repeatedly letting these things bring me pain, ensuring I can never forget in my lifetime, do I realize how wrong my past actions were, hurting someone who deeply loved me!”

Zhang Yichen decided to say nothing further. He knew his mother was deeply trapped and unable to extricate herself. Nightmares had turned her into a fearful person, suffering beyond recognition for years. He understood how much pain she had been in—it was no longer possible to resent her as before. Her days were worse than death, living with someone she didn’t love, while losing the man she loved most. What kind of psychological torment is that? Over the years, what kind of determination has she relied upon to come this far? Do I truly need to hold hatred like before, leaving her without any comfort in her life?

Though it seemed so simple to love you, only later did I realize it wasn’t a decision that could be changed lightly!