My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1718: Chapter 1512: Starlight

Even if the starlight is distant, difficult to possess privately, I only hope it’s not just the end in his eyes. I keep walking without daring to look back. I know you’re not behind me.

”Mom, Dad, have you ever really thought about it? The path we’ve been walking is getting further and further away, gradually deviating from our true selves. We no longer clearly remember the kind of life we want. I’m not sure how long this kind of life will continue before it ends.

Every time I awaken, what I find is completely different from what I imagined, and in that moment, my heart aches. Even if I’ve given my all, I believe that with all I’ve given, I am guiltless. I am guiltless to the heavens, to the earth, to my parents, and to my own heart. But ultimately, the result I get is completely contrary to my efforts, and I never get the proportional returns for my efforts.

When I see this kind of conclusion laid before me again and again and yet am helpless, I know all this pain can only stay deep in my heart and torment me again and again, while I’m powerless to do anything about it. Who could know the sour and heartache deep in my heart at this moment, and who knows how agonizing my life is? No one has ever taken care of my inner thoughts. Everyone lives for their own interests and has already forgotten the life they originally wanted to give to others.

I’ve never asked for anything. All I wanted was a real, happy, and joyful life that belonged to me. But what did I end up with? Nothing at all. All I’ve gotten, again and again, are my own painful memories. These memories torment my heart and spirit over and over again.”

Xia Jing never expected her son to say these things today. Lending his interests to his child, he had never spoken to her in this way before. He never thought that one day their relationship would turn out like this. In the past, he thought as long as he worked hard enough, it wouldn’t be like this. But why does everything just get further from what he wants? It isn’t what he imagined at all. Gradually, he got further and further away, lost his direction, and no longer knows what he truly wants, step by step moving forward until he realized everything had deviated from its track.

”Mom, Dad, I don’t hope our relationship will one day become as difficult as it is now. I just hope I can live happily in these life conditions. That kind of carefree life is what I want the most. If one day I really stray too far and have departed from my initial place, walking along a path that is not mine, I hope you all can still give me perfect concern.

I will never forget when all that I once did transformed into this. I just hope that in this life I can live a little happier. Even a little makes me feel much happier, but eventually, I realize all of this isn’t what I wanted. I don’t understand why I came to this point. I once thought about the life I wanted, yet walked step by step along a path I least wanted. I just wanted to pave a different one for myself, but in the end, I gained nothing at all!

The way I live now, all I’ve ever wished for, is just for life to be a little more colorful. Even just a little more would make me much happier, but I’ve ended up with nothing. I’ve lost too much. I remember the saying, ’Don’t look at what you’ve lost but cherish what you have.’ What I had, I’ve almost lost gradually. All the things I once loved have faded into illusions. I’ve never obtained what I wanted the most.

Mom, Dad, if one day I become unrecognizable to you, and you feel like you no longer know the child you loved most, I also hope you’ll consider what reason could have led me to become like this. Step by step, I made it here. It’s not easy for me. All I wanted was a colorful life, but ultimately, I got nothing. I walked step by step to this point, and who ever cared what I thought deep down inside? Who has known how much effort and hardship I’ve poured in? Every step was more difficult than others’, and I’ve given more effort than anyone else, yet I got nothing.

Time can change many things. Time can change people repeatedly. Time lets everyone live happily, but it never eased the pain deep in me. Instead, it left memories that torment me repetitively. It’s all I’ve got to remind myself of past wounds and suffering. I cannot pretend they never happened or have the right to forget them completely.

Once, my thoughts were too naive. Gradually, everything and every step I took turned out to be wrong. I long for my journey to be happy and carefree, even a little bit. At least I wouldn’t suffer like now or be so tired.”

Zhang Zhentian never imagined his child could be so fragile. In his eyes, his child was always strong in life, and he should always see the happiest side of him. Why did things change like this? Step by step, the journey led him here. This decision left no way to turn back. Is he destined to follow this path for the rest of his life, unable to change his life’s course, and let himself be repeatedly bullied and disturbed by others?

What he wants now is only the simplest embrace, the simplest concern, the simplest greeting, but he’s unable to obtain anything. Sometimes, he’s afraid of losing this so-called everything. But he’s gained nothing in return, right? He’s lived too tiredly, walking further and further from what he truly wanted.

Emotions left unorganized scatter around, but we became each other’s old friends, strangers in his future.