My Alleged Husband

Chapter 700: Chapter 670: The Sadness of Being Alive_1

He didn’t know how to honor his mother. These past few days and nights, he was constantly missing his first love. He didn’t know what to do to forget it all, for every time he closed his eyes, his mind was filled with those once blissful and happy scenes. That innocent, radiant smile made him recall everything again and again. He didn’t know if he was possessed or what had happened to him, but he just wanted everything to go back to the way it was at the beginning. But could it really go back? Time and time again, the hurt, the pain that made life unbearable seemed to seal his fate toward failure. All he could do was barely cling to life, knowing that for the rest of his days, he could only exist in sadness in this world.

For the first time, he felt that his life was truly pitiable. He had never felt such despair. This despair, emerging from the very core of his heart, robbed him of all joy. His despair lay in wait, hoping for a return to the beginning, but could reality ever be so? The past had become just that, the past, so how could he turn the tide and bring everything back to the start? Did he have to sacrifice his life to return to that beginning? Or did he have to disappear from this world completely to restore everything to its original state?

He didn’t understand, and he didn’t want to understand right now. He only knew that each day was torture, struggling in agony as if in a deep abyss. He longed for a lifeline, but that lifeline had already abandoned her. The sunlight of her world had left her in total abandonment. He was doomed to live forever in darkness. He did not know how much longer he could endure this excruciating pain, whether it be for a day, a month, a year, or perhaps he might collapse completely in a mere second.

He didn’t understand. Was it really because he was too greedy that every person in the world sought to take revenge on him? Was it that he had to spend his life in agony, never able to escape, thus heaven chose such a cruel way to hurt him over and over, driving him into a corner, causing him to lose the man who loved him most in this life forever? What could he do to win a shred of sympathy from the heavens? Did he need to cut off all his means of livelihood, sever his life, even all his limbs?

Zhang Yichen could see how desperate his mother was, and he could feel the depth of the pain she was enduring, a pain engraved in her heart. He had no way to comfort his mother. He could only stand silently by her side, watching as she gazed distantly into space. He knew what she was thinking about. To his mother, it was the deepest wound in life, unforgettable, no matter how much time passed. No remedy could ever erase the pain she had suffered, nor the agony it had caused her.

”Mom, do you really no longer wish to live in this world? You still have me, your son. You have our large family. Every one of us loves you dearly. We are all your relatives. How can you be so obsessed over things and people of the past? Perhaps what I’m saying is heartbreaking to you, but I have no other way to explain. Everyone wants to live a good life, and I just want my mother by my side. Perhaps all of this seems too simple to you, but for me, it’s too hard. For twenty-some years, I haven’t felt the warmth of a mother’s love. I don’t even know what fatherly love is like. I don’t know the feeling of being cherished by a mother. I am just a child who was abandoned by his own parents.”

”Child, you may not understand these things, but do you know? It was only after I truly lost him that I realized how wrong I’ve been. I don’t know what price I must pay to win her back. All I know is that the pain I’ve caused her is irreparable. Perhaps I really made a mistake. It wasn’t until she left that I realized how deeply I loved her. Her departure also taught me a profound lesson: Storms cannot wash away the scars in my heart; the ravages of time cannot heal the wounds of love. Do not speak lightly of eternity, for only in separation do we see desolation!

Who among you can understand the pain I’ve suffered within my soul these years? Each moment, I live in agony. I’m not asking for much; I just want him to stay by my side. I am willing to sacrifice my life to keep him. If only he’d come back to see me one last time, let me die in his arms, I would not hesitate. I can give up everything, even my most precious life. I can lose all that I possess, but I cannot lose him. My love for him has become an obsession. I’m almost going insane. I don’t know what to do to make everything as wonderful as it once was!”

”Child, as a father, I have nothing left to say now. I understand the pain in your heart. Everyone has a past, and everyone is wounded by their past. But I hope you can understand that now you are a wife, a mother, why dwell on past events? No matter what, you can’t go back. Do you really want to give up everything you have for that person from your past? Here, you have your family, your relatives, your son. How can you bear to leave them? You’ve already given so much and owe so much motherly love to your son. Do you want to deprive him of that love in this world once more? How could you be so cruel? Why not cherish your child a little more? He’s just a child, no matter his age. He’s your son and he hopes for more care and less hurt from his mother. Everything you do chills everyone to the bone. When you speak this way, are you not afraid of disappointing everyone?”

”Dad, I don’t care if these people are disappointed in me or not. I can clearly say that I live each day in sorrow, my life is full of sadness, and without him, I’ve lost the greatest happiness and joy of my life. Now, I am nothing, just a ghostly fugitive, neither alive nor dead...”