My Alleged Husband

Chapter 687: Chapter 657: Pain Etched in the Bones and Heart

”Actually, you may have never thought about the pain you’ve caused me, what kind of agony it truly is. Parents are always so selfish and self-serving, never considering what kind of life their children truly want, what kind of life would make them happiest. You always impose your own ideas on your children without ever really considering the life your child wants. Is everything you’ve done really for the sake of your child, or is it to fulfill some obsession in your own heart? Everyone has pains inside, and sometimes there are reluctant ways to deal with certain pains.

As a younger generation, there are some things I shouldn’t say, and I don’t know how to begin to talk about these things, but that doesn’t mean my heart isn’t tormented by them, right? My heart is also pained by the decisions you’ve made, the words you’ve spoken. Each person has different thoughts, and perhaps those thoughts don’t matter to you, but to us, they are indeed very painful and cared for. Everyone’s heart holds a kind of pain, a kind of obsession. I don’t know how to express some things, nor explain them, let alone how to say them to you, but have you ever thought about the kind of pain you’ve caused me? It’s a pain that cuts to the bone, branded deep in my bones, unchangeable by any means.”

”Child, I’m sorry. Ultimately, it was us, the parents, who abandoned you, causing you this indelible pain. No matter how much you hate us, we must accept it.

Some pains, just like you said, are brought on by us, the parents, and maybe they can never be changed in this lifetime. I only hope you can forgive us. No parent wants to leave their child, to have their own child end up hating them, perhaps never gaining their child’s understanding in this lifetime. We didn’t want this either, nor did we want to come to this point, but ultimately we’ve reached it, and there’s no way to change it. Each person must walk their own path in life, and every choice will decide what kind of end their growth will meet. I can’t decide for you, but I hope you can believe me, that everything I’ve done and said today is the truth. I will definitely not leave you suddenly like before, nor abandon you without cause. I just want you to know, I truly understand my past mistakes. I won’t act as rashly as before, nor make decisions that would hurt you. Wouldn’t it be best for me to stay by your side, to spend happy times together with you? Why make things so complicated, so awkward?

I know, sometimes our views differ, how we see things is different, and the conclusions we come to will also differ. But it’s only through compromise that people come together. I never properly stayed by your side, and because of my capriciousness and selfishness, I’ve caused you tremendous psychological pain. If you’re truly willing to forgive me, to regard me as part of the family, then please trust me. Give me a chance, an opportunity to make amends to you, to stay by your side and rectify my past actions, never to give up on or leave you again!”

”It’s not about the issue of you not leaving, nor is it any other reason. Actually, some things have happened that can’t be changed. Do you understand? The pain you caused, can you change it? If you killed someone and went to prison, could you still leave a glorious mark in your record? You never thought about the consequences you’d face, always thinking about what you could gain, what you wanted to possess, but never considering the pain others should bear.

Sometimes I really don’t understand, are you really my birth parents? Why do the things you do always make me so miserable, mocked and ridiculed over and over, with you not by my side? When I needed you the most, you were happily out and about. Where do you place your own son, really? Doesn’t your conscience feel even a shred of guilt? Now you say to me that you regret it, regret the actions of the past, regret abandoning our family, but do you know that many things can’t be changed with just a word of regret? The things you did at that time have created the state I’m in now; how could you possibly change everything just because of an apology?

The pain that cuts to the bone, it will exist in my inner world for a lifetime. No matter how much you do to make amends, it will never change the struck and injured state of my heart; these shadows will follow me all my life and will never disappear. Have you ever thought, when your son was being mocked and bullied by others, how scared his heart was?

In that moment, I also hoped that my parents would be by my side, but where were you? Didn’t you think of me as your child?

You say you abandon me, and treat me just like an item? Or like something that means nothing? The pain in my heart has never gone away over the years, but I’ve never spoken of it because of the company of my Grandpa. I know that some things are better left unsaid, as speaking would make Grandpa feel even worse. He watched powerlessly as his son and daughter-in-law left home, went to faraway places without any way to stop them, only to stand by and watch. But to see his own grandson carrying all this pain, it hurts him even more deeply.

Can anyone tell me, how can this indelible pain be erased? How can these scars, branded deep in the bone, be eliminated? Have you ever considered the harm that might come between us because of these things? You only thought of your own freedom, your own happiness, forgetting that your family is also devastated by your departure. Don’t forget the pain cut deep into my heart because of you...”