My Alleged Husband

Chapter 691: Chapter 661: Bitter Memories (Part 2)

”Mum, actually I really don’t want anything. I just want you both to spend more time with me, to make up for all the years of absence – that would be enough. Perhaps, for me, nothing is the most important. What matters the most is just having my parents’ unwavering companionship.”

Actually, Grandpa has had a really hard time living alone these years. He’s always there silently missing you, never complaining to anyone about his longing because he’s an adult. I thought he buried all his longings deep inside his heart, never allowing anyone to see through them. Yet, he said I’m his grandson, that I could see through all his thoughts.”

”Child, let Mum tell you about my love story from the past.

After we separated, I missed him day and night. I didn’t know when he might return a message to me. I waited in silence, hoping one day he would, but as days went by without any word, I realized I had truly lost all contact with him.

Not until that moment did I understand what I had lost. I roamed the streets like a walking corpse, walking places he’d been. I longed for time to turn back, so I wouldn’t ever let go of his hand, to hold it tightly, making him mine forever. To see her heart break while I could never mend things again, tears would just flow silently. Who could know how much pain and distress were in my heart?

Slowly, I revisited the places we’d walked hand in hand. Everywhere I went, his figure filled my mind. I saw him smiling at me, but when I reached out, I couldn’t touch him. That feeling of disappointment, of despair!

I can’t count how many times I’ve felt this sort of despair. I was living in a blind, I was waiting for him, day and night. I set all his things as top priority, always on the lookout for a message from him. Even a single word, or his harshest rebuke, would have made me happy, but I got nothing. He vanished as if he had evaporated from the world, completely disappearing from my life. How could I not feel heartache?

Child, actually Mum is really envious of you. You and your wife have lovers destined to be together. I envy that kind of love. Yet, I’ve had no way to be with my first love in my life. I truly long to return to those times, even if I were to lose everything, even if nobody understood me. As long as he would contact me, that would make me happy. I numbed myself day by day, throwing all my energy into work. I kept myself busy, not wanting to make anyone angry or upset him, but night after night, I was waiting for her. Why couldn’t fate give me a chance to make things right?

Child, do you know how much pain your Mum went through? Seeing the person she loved most in agony. She wanted to hold her tight – all her plans included you, Mum. Do you know how sad it was when your Mum had to leave her so cruelly? No one can understand that tearing pain. I don’t ever want to feel it again in my life. I forced myself to become more heartless, step by step toward a path of no return. When I finally looked back, I realized that even after so many years with your father, he was still in my heart – like a heartbeat, perpetually in my chest. As long as my heart beats, we’re together. If my heart were to stop, so would each pulse of him, entering the next world with me.

My love for him won’t change in this lifetime; it won’t change with time but will remain deeply in my heart. I’ve never thought about how deeply I loved. For it, I traveled to the ends of the earth, only to lose contact in the end. I hope for a chance from God to make things right, but the world is so vast. I thought of finding him but ended up nowhere. All these memories are just sorrow, and no one can understand the pain in my heart.

I envy your destined love; it’s a love I’ll never attain in my lifetime. I gave my first love to him, my most precious things. I just wanted to be with him, poured all my love into him, but he thought I was playing with his emotions. How could he know what I really wanted? No one understands the pain and loss in my heart. My greatest sorrow is losing him – my greatest love, and the one who loved me most. No one can feel her pain. Again and again, I numbed myself, but still couldn’t change the fate set out for me.”

”My mum, can’t those unhappy things from the past be let go? I can understand the pain. When I almost couldn’t be with the woman I loved most, I was also in despair. I just don’t understand why you would sabotage my happy marriage. Now I get it. Maybe at that time, you were just a bit jealous, unable to discern why you’d harm your own son so deeply. But now I can tell you, it might be because you were envious of my destined love, afraid I’d end up like you. But do you know how much I love my wife? I know how much yours loved you. I can feel that emotion!

What’s past should stay in the past; let’s not cling to it. Isn’t it better to live happily now, to make one’s life joyful and fulfilling?”

”Child, some things can’t be let go, some people become a brand on your heart. To forget them utterly, you’d have to wait until reaching another world. Even there, I will never forget every day with him because he gave me the happiest times, making them unforgettable for a lifetime...”