My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1438: Chapter 1233: A Life Lived to the Fullest

As long as I have dreams, I will relentlessly strive forward; as long as there is a bit of progress, I will work even harder; as long as I never give up, the hope of success will always accompany me.

How can there be so many sad things in the world? Everyone will pay the same price for the mistakes they have made, no one will let themselves be wronged for no reason. No one owes you anything, and why should someone persistently stay with you after being hurt by you time and time again? Perhaps that’s just how human hearts are, one’s feelings cannot always be reciprocated.

Everyone lives painfully. It might not seem important to others, but to oneself, it’s the most crucial thing. The life I desire, why is it always unattainable? What must I do in this lifetime to reclaim the inner world of the person I once loved the most?

Watching him delete all contacts, erase all memories, my heart feels like it’s being cut by a knife, stabbed mercilessly again and again, so painful I can hardly breathe. Yet, no one cares about my feelings; reflecting on how I hurt her once, how heartbroken she must be.

The pain I once inflicted on her, eventually I will experience that heart-wrenching pain myself. No one knows what I’ve done wrong this year, how agonizing this period has been. Again and again, I wake in shock from nightmares, and as soon as I close my eyes, my mind is filled with his image, inadvertently recalling every stage we went through together.

Sometimes, I fail to understand how I made such a heartless decision to abandon her, to discard my own feelings for him, what was it for? Watching him beg in despair before me, yet I cruelly pushed him away, who could comprehend such heartache? Who understands the misery and despair that should fill my lifetime? No one comprehends the pain within my heart, repeatedly striving to understand only leads to deeper sorrow each time.

”Zhentian, our biggest mistake in this life is treating you as a backup, choosing to hurt the one who loved me the most by being with you. If time could rewind, I would abandon everything; I thought I would live under his shadow forever. I wouldn’t be with you, you know how happy I was with him? That happiness, which no one else ever gave me, something you never could. The joy he gave me is known only to myself, who could comprehend such happiness, such fulfillment? Time and again, don’t you understand the result you give me? You brought me so much heartache and in the end, I ended up reluctantly staying with you!”

In these years, no one has experienced the pain I’ve gone through, perhaps none of you understands the agony within me. If one day you could feel all the pain I’ve endured, wouldn’t you treat me differently? I’ve lived in guilt and remorse for years, tormenting me deeply, accepting all the suffering it brought. Every day I can only see him in dreams, because I dare not face him, search for him, I fear seeing him holding hands with someone else, such hurt that I can’t bear to accept!”

”I never thought that you are still so obsessed now, what’s the point of what you’re doing? I’m your husband, standing before you, yet you discuss another man’s love for you. What do you see me as? Don’t you realize your actions really embarrass me, show no mercy? Time after time, what do you take me for? In your eyes, you can’t even leave me a shred of dignity? For you, I’ve forfeited all my relationships, abandoned all my pride, why won’t you consider things from my perspective?”

When you do things, can you not be so selfish, consider my feelings? I love you, my love for you is as clear as day, it has never changed. Even after all the things you’ve done to hurt me, when have I ever resented you? Why can’t you appreciate my love for you, acting this way repeatedly causes my heart immense pain. But, I have no words to express it to you, because I don’t know how to tell you, I regard you as the most important person in my life. Why do you treat me like this, for you, I’m willing to give up my own child, my own father, and yet you treat me this way just because of that man who occupies your thoughts?”

Have you thought about where you’re leaving me with your actions? I live in such unbearable torment, hurt again and again, what do I need to do for you to understand my intentions? During these years, I’ve been tormented by pain every day, the things I desire are forever unattainable. When will you give me what I need, do you even know how much I love you? For you, I can once more abandon everything. Why won’t you treat me the same?”

If time could rewind, I would still pay any price to pursue you, I would still keep you by my side, because everyone is selfish, willing to do anything for their loved one. You can abandon me for him, not love me, but I can’t treat you like he does. Maybe you think I’m childish, naive, why after being treated like this by you, I still care for you, not merely because of love, but because you’ve accompanied me for so many years. The feeling you give me is unlike any other, under your influence, I feel confident. Sometimes, I can’t comprehend your words or actions, but do you know each time I’m grateful for meeting you, meeting you is the happiest thing in my life. Often, I don’t know what to say to you, but wish to show through action that I truly love you!

Love isn’t just spoken, it needs to be proven through action. If I loved you, I wouldn’t hurt you again and again. Don’t you know the person you love in your heart isn’t me?”

The best love is mutual affection; if not, it will be incredibly exhausting.