My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1429: Chapter 1224: Together Hand in Hand

Before, my mother once asked my father if he ever loved her. Sometimes, I really want to know if there was ever love between my parents, but later I realized, my parents had a lot of conflicts. Deep down inside, I felt helpless, miserable, and conflicted.

Xia Jing knew, no matter what she said now, there was no way to make her husband trust her like he used to again. Mistakes committed must eventually be acknowledged, regardless of the difficulties the consequences might bring upon oneself, one must face them calmly. It’s her own mistake, no one else can be blamed, whoever makes a mistake will face punishment from the world, that’s how fair heaven is. But sometimes heaven is also unfair. Clearly knowing who she truly loves in her heart, yet repeatedly being torn apart from him, leaving her to live in the abyss of pain all her life just because of a mistake she once made!

”Zhentian, there are some things I don’t know how to explain to you right now, and some things I don’t know how to ask you. I just want to know, am I really that insignificant in your heart? I just want to live a quiet life of my own choosing. My life has been a failure. I lost the man who loved me the most, and I will never have the same happiness and joy as before in my life. Can’t you sympathize with me even a little? I know you are not truly happy inside. You clearly know that the person I love is not you, but you can only pretend that the person I love is you, deceiving yourself time and again, just to satisfy your own heart, unwilling to let others criticize you. You just want to believe it yourself and deceive others, proving you are happy, proving that I am a happy family member!”

Zhang Zhentian sighed deeply. He himself did not know how to deal with his wife regarding these matters. What man in the world could forgive his wife whose heart is longing for another man? This was a great insult to him, no matter if he cared or not. Some things eventually become a foregone conclusion, and there’s no way to pretend they never happened. No matter what mistakes and wrongdoings he did in the past, he didn’t deserve such painful retribution. Everyone would have their own life they wanted, a life where they only thought of being with him, but forgot whether he loves himself. Maybe his love was too selfish, which made things so embarrassing, giving him a chance to think of another man, and granting her a great embarrassment. How should he face the neighbors and the world in the future?

Furthermore, he once abandoned his family for this woman. Even neglected his biological father, but ultimately this was the outcome. What was this all for? Is this heaven’s way of repaying him? He sacrificed all his love, abandoned his self-esteem and principles, only to end up treated like this? What else should he do to make things return to how they used to be? Did all he sacrifice be for nothing? Doesn’t he see a bit of my sincerity in his eyes? The truth is he really loves her, loves her to the bones, willing to give up his life for her, but the woman in front of him has not a bit of love for him, only using him.

”Xia Jing, Xia Jing, there are some things I really don’t know how to say to you, but I truly want to ask you, what are you truly thinking?

Once I abandoned my entire family for you, even disregarded my relatives, just hoping to be with you, hoping for your truest treatment in exchange. But why do you tell such lies to deceive me, why even with me not in your heart you choose to be with me, do you not degrade me by doing so? Is it because of my age that you married me, chose to have a son with me, and is all this merely a result of your emotional movement, merely with ulterior motives?

Sometimes I feel so numb, I don’t know if I’m even aware of all I’ve done for you, willing to sacrifice everything for you, even if it means living my life in utter unhappiness, but why do your eyes never see my goodness to you? Can you only see my hurt to you in your eyes? I’ve given so much for you, I truly and sincerely love you, can’t you stay by my side with just a little more love for me? Even just a bit would suffice, do you understand how sad I’ve been all these years? I spend each day in remorse and pain, questioning if each choice I made was wrong?

Every time I think of how I abandoned my family for you, I’m awakened from nightmares, but I never feared as long as you were by my side, it was enough. I could ignore my relatives entirely for you, discarding them like baggage, but what about you? This is how you repay me? Did you give me even a little of your true heart? Why can you never see my love for you, forever treating everyone so selfishly?”

Xia Jing didn’t expect her husband, Zhentian, to speak to her like this. Actually, he never thought like this. What he wanted all his life was just to stay quietly by her husband’s side. He too wanted to give his husband a stable family, so he could live happily, but things never go as planned. Some matters aren’t decided by mere desires, and every decision comes with a cost. It’s only these costs that make her life different.

”I never thought this way, on the contrary, I was very happy every day with you, because I felt being with you every day I was happy, content, and secure. I never thought about what kind of ending I would face in my life. All I wanted was to stay by your side, I imagined I could stay by your side, even giving up the person I loved the most, the man who loved me the most. But I really can’t do it, my love for him is engraved in my bones, there’s no way to forget it in this lifetime, no one can replace his love for me, and my love for him. Maybe it’s unfair to you, but there are some things I can’t resolve either!”

One always thought if two people could walk through life together, it would be enough, but later I realized, some things aren’t as simple as imagined.