My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2379: Chapter 2212: Repetition

Many times, I find myself doing repetitive things that numb me.

I repeat all my habits; no amount of care changes anything.

I’ve gotten used to everything, and in the end, when I lose something, I can only suffer alone.

”Grandpa, Grandma, maybe you never knew how much your son was hurt. Everything you do is so selfish; when do you ever consider if your actions hurt others?

Perhaps, when you were together, you never imagined my father would get hurt like this or turn into who he is now. Back then, you probably thought of him as someone who would give everything for his own sake over and over, never once thinking your actions would harm your own family. Deep down, your hearts were selfish, but gradually, you became enlightened. Perhaps you were truly selfish in the past, but after going through these things, you see things more openly now. Everyone has their own path to follow, and once he walked the path he most wanted, she became accustomed to everything.

I used to be afraid of what anyone at home would say to me, but gradually, I got used to it. I no longer care about anything they say.

Looking back at everything I’ve sung about, is it really what I wanted most?

I watched helplessly as the things I cared about grew and flourished; I watched helplessly as the things I cherished the most were hurt. They grew more distant, and I could do nothing.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made, no matter how tired I am, when I calm down and look back at every mistake I’ve made, what have I become?

I don’t want my future to be filled with pain and suffering. I don’t want my family to always be the ones getting hurt. I just want my family to live happily. Perhaps such a wish is too simple for you, but I once hoped to have a heart that embraced the world. I hoped my family could have the most joyful and happy happiness, but I got nothing in the end. I watched my family get hurt by you, and I was powerless. Do you know that feeling of failure? I’ve never felt so defeated before. I got what I wanted over and over, but it was just me struggling to obtain it, like my parents giving up everything over and over, but no one considered things from my parents’ perspective. Is living f***ing easy? They always wanted to give the best for us, but what did we give in return? After repeated hurt, we had no choice but to accept.

Grandpa, Grandma, I’m not afraid of you hurting me over and over, but I really beg you to spare my parents, let my parents have some happiness, even just a little bit, and I’d be grateful to you. Throughout these years, my parents have endured so-called pain and pressure, yet no one considered their perspective. I’m just a child; I can’t let my parents endure all the hurt, while as their child, I just watch from behind. I can’t turn a blind eye; I want to comfort them, to give them a hug, but I can’t take that step. I’m afraid of the moment I stand in front of my mother to comfort her, she’ll break into tears. I’m afraid every word she says leaves me speechless and unable to console her. My mother always gives me the best of everything. She believes the most perfect thing in the world is to make her child happy and joyful. But when I get bullied time and again, she always stands by my side, giving me support and faith. Who ever considers how much agony I am feeling at this moment?”

”I know you said this today, Mr. President, I’m already very clean now. I also know I hurt your parents. Without us, your parents wouldn’t have had such a hard life. Seeing them like this now, as elders, we still feel bad internally, but we have no choice. Once we chose this path, the final outcome was already determined, wasn’t it? We just want them to live steadily, even if that stable life isn’t lasting, even if it’s just for a moment. To me, that’s a kind of happiness.

How much do I hope to see my child living happily? I yearn every day to see my child smiling brightly, and let all the happiness be given by me. I hope in front of my child, I am not a coward, but someone who would give everything for my family, unafraid of any harm.

I used to naively make every decision, thinking as long as I can live happily, even if my family is hurt, I wouldn’t care. But later, I gradually realized every mistake I found was unforgivable. I let my beloved family get hurt time and again. I don’t understand why I made the choices and decisions I did back then. I hurt everyone at home who truly loves me, treating their love and tolerance as tools for my benefit. I don’t understand what I should do to bring everything back to its original state. I’m scared; there isn’t a day I don’t dread such things happening to me again. I live constantly on edge, and I’m really fed up with this kind of life. I don’t want my spirit to be tormented anymore.

Child, I know you say these things to us for your parents’ sake. You know your parents’ current lives might be different from what we imagined. Everyone’s imagined life is happy and joyful, without regret. But is our current life really what we want? Look, your mother is now in the hospital, and your father is worried to the point of madness, while we can only hurt you again and again. Wouldn’t us leaving this family be the best solution and outcome for you?

Do you really hope we stay and make the house such a mess that there’s no peace anymore?”

Like always, walking down the street with dark circles under my eyes, reminiscing about companionship, who can forget each other’s embraces?

That’s just working desperately!