My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2360: Chapter 2193: Who Doesn’t Have Weaknesses

Zhang Yichen originally did not realize he would have a weakness, until Ran Zhihan left.

”Child, you have never experienced the feeling of death over your head. I was afraid, do you know how I survived these years? I do not wish for that feeling to suffocate me once again. I have truly had enough of that feeling. Perhaps you may think my thoughts are foolish and naive. If I had known this would be the outcome, I would not have chosen to live this way. But every person makes mistakes. Is it true that for a mistake I made, I am never to be forgiven, and must endure a lifetime of ridicule and condemnation?

I know deep inside you harbor much resentment against me, I understand. But please consider my feelings for the effort I put forth in striving to live without being ordinary. ℴℴ𝗺

I really do not know how to express what I felt during that period to you, but today, I can tell you all my feelings.”

...

”Zhentian, if there is a next life, I would still wish to live with you because you are truly a good man. But now I cannot continue to be with you; the paths we have chosen have already determined the conclusion we will face. I do not wish for that conclusion to bring us more embarrassment.

Anyway, today is our last meeting, so listen to my thoughts. When I first met you and saw you, my heart was suddenly moved at that moment. I knew at that instant I was deeply entrapped in your heart, unable to change in this lifetime.

But later I discovered, even if I love you so deeply, in your heart I am nothing. I do not know why you chose to be with me initially, but when I was with you, it was not because of your wealth, your family background, or your status. If I cared about these things, I could have chosen men far better than you. But I did not. I knew I was a common girl and could not compare to the daughters of Wealthy Families. I could not match you in status. From the beginning, your father opposed us being together, I was truly disheartened. I never thought the path of my love would be so difficult. However, when I saw you stand up against your father resolutely for me, I realized you truly loved me. No matter if that love was genuine or had another purpose, I felt comforted. From then on, I wanted very little, only hoping that the one I loved could give to me unconditionally, to love me, to genuinely view me as his own, to sincerely include me in his life plan.

Although the decisions we made at that time were unbelievable to us now, thinking back on those youthful days, isn’t it a precious memory for us both? Reflecting on those times, I am really happy. Thank you for giving me so many memories, memories that are an undeniable fact for this lifetime, memories that will always be in my heart. I will not forget, regardless of whether you forget. I cannot control your thoughts, maybe you will forget, but I won’t. From the beginning, I have truly loved you, but you chose to exploit me. You don’t need to explain anything now. My intuition was accurate. Knowing you were using me, still I recklessly followed you, even knowing I would be deeply hurt, scarred all over. I wanted to be with you, seeking nothing else. But in the end, what did you repay me with? Your distrust, your questioning. Tell me, what’s the use of this marriage if it’s not the happiest for us both? Those times passed, I don’t know if you were happy, but I was very happy, very blissful. My happiest days were those years when you could abandon everything for me, to wander without a home. I am very grateful. This gratitude I cannot repay in this lifetime for all you gave me. I know you lost much, and because of those losses, I cannot make it up to you. But I hope you understand many things. Since you made your decision, do not think of reconciliation, as it is an unrealistic idea...

I have said everything I need to say, think about what you need to say. Anyway, today is the last meeting; if you don’t speak now, there will be no chance later.”

Zhang Zhentian knew every word Xia Jing said was true. He knew if this woman chose to hide and not see him, searching everywhere would never lead to her. Her backing was so powerful, he couldn’t make such power vanish, only comply. So he needed to quickly say whatever he had to say, or later, he’d have no opportunity to speak.

”Maybe you think that when I was with you, I didn’t love you but had other motives. But I am regretless in being with you. Without you, I still love you. Only after you left, did I realize that love isn’t something that can be forgotten easily. Yet, I must bear the consequences of my wrongdoings. I can’t constantly blame you for mistakes, letting you take the fall. I know every decision I made hurt you deeply, but you never left, staying by my side persistently. That comforted me. Knowing everything was unfair to you, still, I didn’t stand up for you, didn’t consider your position. This is my failure as a husband, my greatest failure as a man. I won’t behave as I did before. Maybe you can forget me; I can’t clarity what I want internally, what kind of life I pursue. I finally understand, I really am not someone solely profit-driven. I could give up all for love. Before, I could stop at nothing for love. Even now, I can abandon everything for the one I love. I don’t care for wealth, status, fame, and power. I care only if I can have the life I desire, the life I want. And now my desired life, my desired future, is incomplete without you. I believe through my efforts, I can still find you and build my perfect life. I hope you’ll wait for the day I find you, no matter where you go, I will find you, even at the ends of the world. Relentlessly, I’ll search until I find you, even if exhausting myself on the way, unable to meet you one last time. I wouldn’t regret.

I seek nothing, ask for nothing, only that when I find you, you won’t give me despair again. I just want to be with you. If you make me despair again, I will truly collapse. My life cannot withstand so much tumult. I know I’ve been wrong, the despair you gave me let me deeply feel the onset of death. I know such despair makes me afraid!”

There was originally nothing to fear, but now fear is unavoidable!