My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2371: Chapter 2204: I Don’t Want to Listen

”Child, can you still not let go?”

In his heart, Zhang Yichen actually knew very well that he couldn’t blame his mother for this matter. His mom hadn’t made too many mistakes; at the time, he was just lost in his own freedom and didn’t know what he truly wanted. He was too young then, easily forgetting he had a family, a child, and even elderly relatives who needed care.

”I’ve said it numerous times, no matter when or where, I won’t blame you for past things anymore. We’ve gone through so much, and you know how scared I was. I feared losing my family and even feared the feeling of losing and regaining them. When you left and then came back to this home, I was so delighted, so happy, so blissful. But when you came back and chose to leave again, did you ever think about how desperate and lost I felt in that moment?

I waited for years for my parents to finally come home, but ultimately they chose to leave again for other reasons. In that instant, my inner world collapsed. I never thought my parents could be so heartless as to abandon their own son time and time again, choosing to treat me, their biological son, in such a way. I once pondered and regretted everything. If time could go back, I wouldn’t want to be your child because I’m living so tiredly. To become the child you most desired, I put in how much effort and how many worked as hard as I did? How many considered things from my perspective? No one could truly understand all the harm I once endured. I’ve relied on my strong heart to make it to today, achieving what I have without depending on anyone.

Even though you weren’t by my side these years, I received the best education because my grandfather gave me his earnest heart. He bestowed upon me all the love he had for my parents, brought me up in an environment filled with his love. I didn’t lack anyone’s care and affection. I just couldn’t accept it; I couldn’t accept that every other child has parental love, while I don’t. I couldn’t accept that other children gained the best love from their parents without any effort, while I gave my all and couldn’t exchange for even a bit of genuine affection from mine.

As a child, I was truly frightened. I never imagined I’d become so scared one day, driven mad by the cycle of losing and regaining. I discarded all my reasoning, willing to give up everything just for you to stay by my side. I wouldn’t care about anything. But ultimately, I found that even if I abandoned everything, it couldn’t bring your love to me. That sort of love is innate, but you don’t have it for me. Perhaps from the start, you never regarded me as your child, but my heart remains content because you brought me into this world, allowed me to see its vibrant and varied scenery, and provided my grandfather’s care and love—all of which not everyone can experience. His love is so warm, and how many sleepless nights did he endure for me?

When I was hospitalized due to illness and nearing Yama (God of Death), my grandfather stayed sleeplessly, keeping me company all night long. But where were you, my parents? Both of you were living free and easy while abandoning your son to gain freedom. Whom did I owe? What pressures did I give you throughout my life to make you treat me this way?

In the past, I considered whether crossing countless mountains and rivers might lead me to my parents, but gradually I realized it couldn’t because my parents weren’t in the same region with me. They never considered staying by my side, hence they were far, far away. They went off to some corner that I may never find throughout my life. Only they know about living the life they want there, laughing jubilantly every day, while my grandfather, family, child, wife, and I can only live here in pain and misery.

When my wife became as she is now, I realized what I’ve lost for your sake. I lost the wife who loved me the most. She had done so much for me, choosing to be with me despite her parents’ opposition but I let her down. Seeing as she is, I really don’t know how to face my in-laws.

You once only knew to blame her, but did you consider that as a parent, you’re not protecting your child? When you blamed her, did you ever think how disappointed her parents would be upon knowing what’s deep in her heart? She’s their precious daughter, their only child. They entrusted their only daughter to me, yet I caused her harm, resulting in this parental disappointment. I’m ashamed to meet them. I turned everything into this state. Did anyone consider how difficult my life truly is? I genuinely wish every family member could live happily, but in the end, I gained nothing.

Perhaps it’s my excessive sentimentality that’s turned everything the way it is now. But you know, so-called love is faith-based. Back then, I couldn’t comprehend all these reactions, nor did I dare approach it, fearing rejection from my wife. Yet, you know? As soon as I lay eyes on my wife, she seems to numb my entire nervous system. I can only breathe quietly; I don’t dare cry aloud because I fear scaring her away, I fear she’ll avoid me and refuse being with me. Many people find comrades in smoke-filled rooms, but all I gained was my wife, my child, my happy home. Yet now, my happy home is shattered, and I don’t know how to restore it. I once pondered what my home would become one day, how my wife and I would interact.

I never imagined that after so many years, my wife would become my endeavor. She has transformed her efforts into our family for love, selflessly dedicating her entire life. To this day, I’ve never considered her feelings; everything I did ended in failure. I’m unqualified to say you’re unfit parents because I’m not a suitable husband myself. Making my wife as she is now is my greatest failure.”

”Grandpa, only if she doesn’t return will I not consider other matters for a day. All these years, I’ve used work to numb myself countless times, and in the end, I still can’t let go!”