My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1694: Chapter 1488: Because of You

Because of you, I never dared to deceive myself in life’s journey, and also because of you, I learned to stand in a safe place to avoid getting hurt. It’s also because of you that I find it hard to trust others, even doubting myself.

”Do we have to meet like this from now on, because we once loved so deeply, but now we have to pretend to be strangers? Do you think this is too cruel to me? You clearly know that I can’t let go, yet why do you still make me accept such pain? You really leave me no choice!”

”I can actually tell, the emotions between you two must have been great, so why choose to give up now? Clearly, you have such a good wife struggling hard inside for your daughter, yet you wander outside unable to settle your mind. Do you know this makes your wife very embarrassed? She just wants to give you a healthy and happy baby. Sometimes things happen faster than you ever thought, catching you off guard, because it makes you realize that on this journey of life, you must always remain alert, otherwise one day you’ll be left behind, and experience the feeling of being trampled underfoot by others!”

Xia Jing knew those words were meant for him, but he didn’t have any evidence, he couldn’t let such words be copied out.

Once such a loving couple, but why has the relationship turned out like this in old age? This was an outcome I never imagined in my life, I just wish none of this had ever happened. But why doesn’t fate give me another chance? I only wish to return to the past and make amends with my wife, is that so hard? She has completely given up, will no longer come back to me, yet I remain forever stuck in the past corner, unable to escape...

”This is human nature. When getting something, we never feel satisfied, but once we lose it, we realize its importance. To bring it back, we’re willing to pay any price, but can you really find it again? Can you make lost things come back? Time has passed, can you turn it back? It’s impossible, but why still hold on? Perhaps it’s just a belief to keep living!”

”True, obviously there’s been no connection, he’s been living well abroad these years. He’s been happy these years, living as if I were with him. Really, even without me by her side, she’s happier, why do I still entangle them? Why don’t I give him a way out? Just for that self-love inside me, hurting so many people? Just because of my narcissism, should so many people suffer the consequences of my past mistakes? I shouldn’t be so selfish. What’s done will one day be found out, you can’t hide the fire under paper. Even now I can’t erase this person from my mind, there’s a day I must let go of this love, because it was never mine. A marriage that doesn’t belong to me will bring no happiness...”

”Then, do you think he and I are suitable together? At the beginning, to be together we defied all gaps, even went against our own fathers. Looking back now, our choices seemed unreasonable, how could I say such things to my father, who loved me so much? But with time, everyone’s mindset changes, understanding many things makes them different. Yet some people stay trapped in the same dead end all their lives, unable to escape...”

”Some survive not with anything else, but with that tiny thought, that obsession in their heart, giving them a belief to live a few more years, or even decades. If a belief is gone, how can one continue living? He doesn’t want his world to fall apart. He believes, as long as he can happily watch the ones he cares for safely birth the child he wishes to see, that’s enough for everyone, isn’t it? People shouldn’t be too greedy, being greedy doesn’t bear good fruit!”

”Am I greedy? Actually, I’m not greedy with what I do; I just hope to see the one I love growing happily, what’s wrong with that? I just wish I could spend my life with the one I love, isn’t that good? Sometimes I really don’t understand, why I let my hard-earned marriage be ruined by myself over and over again. Obviously, we could have lived together forever, but inside, I played the villain, making my marriage shattered!”

...

Zhang Zhentian talked to himself for a long time, ultimately unwilling to let his wife leave him just like that. But now, seeing that his message indicated she could be happier and more fulfilled, it seemed to be what he wished for. He doesn’t ask much in life; he just hopes to see the ones he cares about live happily, even if he’s not beside them. But Xia Jing has achieved that, having lived cheerfully alone abroad for these five years since losing Zhang Zhentian. Back then, she almost committed suicide for divorce from her husband, looking back at it now, it all seemed so naive and ridiculous. Why give up such a precious life for a man? Although people say: Life is precious, love is more valuable. If for freedom, both can be thrown away.

Zhang Zhentian struggled for a long time and finally understood, no matter right or wrong, he shouldn’t punish himself this way. He should wholeheartedly bless his beloved wife, so that even without him, she can live freely; this is the best thing for him, isn’t it? He loved Xia Jing so deeply, yet because of himself, made her heartbroken. Now Xia Jing can live happily without him; perhaps for him, that’s the greatest benefit.

I’m so afraid of losing you. Every night it’s as if I hear your weeping in my dreams. How did you decide not to rely on me anymore and choose to leave me? Am I really dispensable to you?