My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1595: Chapter 1389: Return

As long as I have a dream, I will keep striving; as long as there is a bit of progress, I will work even harder; as long as I never give up, the hope of success will always be with me.

In this world, how many truly sorrowful things are there? Everyone pays the same price for the mistakes they have made in the past. No one would let themselves be wronged for no reason. Who doesn’t owe you anything? Why, after repeatedly hurting them, would they still stay with you unwaveringly? Maybe that’s just how human nature is; you cannot exchange one heart for another.

Everyone lives with their own pains; it may not be crucial to others, but for oneself, it is the most important thing. The life one desires, why is it forever out of reach? What, in this lifetime, should one do to regain the heart of the person they loved the most?

Watching him delete all contact, watching him erase all memories, my heart felt as if it was being cut with a knife, stabbing into my heart over and over. I was in so much pain I couldn’t breathe, yet no one cared about my feelings. Thinking back to the hurt I caused her, how heartbroken she must have been.

Eventually, I will experience the same deep sorrow I once caused her. No one knows what mistake I made this past year, how miserable I’ve been. I wake in terror from nightmares over and over; every time I close my eyes, his image fills my mind. Unintentionally, I recall every stage we went through together.

Sometimes I can’t comprehend how I made such a cruel decision back then, to choose to abandon her. Abandoning him in my heart, then what? Watching him plead bitterly in front of me while I cruelly pushed him away—who can understand such heartache? This is just how it is, yet who can understand the pain I must endure, the despair I must live through, the sorrow that no one can comprehend, hurting deeply again and again as understanding eludes me?

”Zhentian, our biggest mistake in this life is that I shouldn’t have treated you as a backup and ended up with you, hurting the person who loved me most. If time could go back, I would give up everything. I thought I would live forever in his shadow, but I’d rather not be with you. Being with him, do you know how happy I was? That kind of happiness no one, not even you, could ever give me. The happiness I want, the joy he brought me, only I can understand. How could anyone comprehend such happiness, such contentment? What results have you given me time and time again that you don’t understand? You’ve caused me so much heart-wrenching pain, yet I ultimately chose to be with you out of resignation!

No one has gone through the suffering I’ve experienced over these years. Maybe none of you truly understand the kind of pain in my heart. If one day you could feel all the pain I’ve endured, wouldn’t you treat me differently? All these years, I’ve lived in guilt, each wave of guilt torturing me, accepting all the pain that comes with it. I can only meet him in my dreams every night, because I don’t dare to see him. I don’t dare to look for her, for I’m afraid—I’m afraid that once I see him holding hands with someone else, that kind of hurt is something I can no longer accept!”

”I never expected you to still be so obstinate now. Is there any point to this? I am your husband, standing right in front of you, and here you are discussing another man’s love for you with me. What do you take me for? Don’t you know doing this will make me feel very embarrassed? You repeatedly act this way—what do you see me as? In your eyes, do I not even deserve a shred of dignity? For you, I abandoned everyone, I abandoned my dignity—why can you never consider things from my perspective!

Every time you do something, can’t you stop being so selfish and consider me a little bit? I love you, and heaven and earth can witness my unwavering love. Even though you’ve done so many things that hurt me, when have I ever resented you? Why can’t you be grateful for my love? You repeatedly do things like this, my heart is deeply troubled, but I have no means to express these feelings to you. I don’t know how to tell you, for I regard you as the most important person of my life. Why do you have to treat me like this? For you, I can even give up my own child, my own father, and yet you treat me this way because of that man you constantly think about?

Have you ever considered where you are placing me by doing this, how unbearably painful my life is? With every hurt, how much more must I endure for you to understand my devotion? These years have been filled with unbearable suffering, everything I’ve desired is forever unattainable. I don’t know when you’ll finally give me what I need, but you must know, I truly love you. For you, I can abandon everything once again, yet why won’t you treat me the same?

If time could go back, I would still pursue you relentlessly, I would still keep you by my side, because everyone is selfish; for the sake of their beloved, they will do anything. You can abandon me for him, choose not to love me, but I can’t treat you like he does. Perhaps you think I’m foolish and naive; after how you’ve treated me, I still treat you this way. But it’s not just because I love you, it’s because you’ve been with me all these years. The feeling you give me is unlike any other; although under your influence I am confident, sometimes I can’t understand why you say such things, do such things. But you must know, every time, I am grateful to have met you, meeting you is the happiest thing in my life. Often, I don’t know how to tell you, but I only want to show through actions that I truly love you!

Love isn’t just about words; it’s about proving it through actions. If I love you, I won’t hurt you repeatedly. Don’t you know your repeated hurt makes me not want to know that the person you love isn’t me?”

The best kind of love is mutual affection; if it’s not mutual, it can be very exhausting.