My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1509: Chapter 1303: Luck

An encounter is a very fortunate thing; being able to live happily with someone is the greatest happiness in life.

When Zhang Zhentian heard his father say these words to him, he suddenly recalled how he had once become ruthless due to certain matters. To destroy those who stabbed him in the back, he spared no effort, sending everyone into the abyss of life’s pain time and again, leaving them with no means to escape from that misery for the rest of their lives.

”Dad, living this life is truly exhausting. No one wants to live with such delicacy. I also want to live freely and unfettered, but I have never found a way to live happily. My life has been too painful. In the eyes of others, I appear to be infinitely glorious, repeatedly avoiding the outcome I most desire. But is that really the case? Who truly understands the pain inside me?

I never thought that one day I would live such a weary life. I just want to live peacefully, without so much sorrow, without such a heavy heart. At the very least, I want to spend my life with the one I love, but in the end, I found that everything I desired was nothing but a dream. My aspirations seemed like nothing more than a joke to others.

I used all my strength, resorting to unscrupulous means to climb step by step, just to be with the person I most desired, to live a life with no regrets. However, in the end, I only hurt everyone around me. In retrospect, I realized that everything I did was wrong.

Dad, it’s rare for the two of us to sit down calmly and talk like this. Do you know how much I yearn to live happily one day, how much I yearn for the day that I can live a joyous life with my family? Yet in the end, I got nothing. Even if I return to this family, what of it? Hardly anyone genuinely wants me back here because the words I’ve said and the things I’ve done have left them cold-hearted!

I know better than anyone what it means when they say there’s nothing more despairing than a dead heart. I made countless mistakes repeatedly, but I never truly realized where I went wrong. Even my apologies were half-hearted. I never pursued the outcome I wanted most, yet in the end, I found that the errors I’ve committed are just punchlines to others, mere objects of their ridicule without regard for the price I’ve paid.

These years haven’t been easy for me, but I always silently comfort myself that no matter what mistakes I make or what I’ve lost, as long as I hold onto the deepest desires of my heart, one day I will achieve my dreams, will attain what I want most. But in the end, what did I get? Nothing, and instead, I brought harm to my family time and again.

I know, at the root, it’s because I, as a son, am inadequate. No matter what I do, I can never make you happy. No matter what I do, I cannot make my child feel proud to have me as a father. On the contrary, over the years, I’ve only brought pain to my child. Perhaps in his eyes, my existence as a father is a source of shame. I haven’t given him the slightest fatherly love. Instead, I’ve inflicted upon him too much torment and suffering that no other child should bear, but he had to endure all at once.”

Old Master Zhang suddenly didn’t know what to say or how to respond this time. Was everything his son did really entirely wrong? Not a single thing right?

In truth, he himself didn’t know. He didn’t know how many mistakes his child had made or how much pain he’s endured without any solace or recompense.

”Son, since some things are already in the past, let’s let them dissipate with the smoke and clouds. No one should bring them up again. We’ve talked many times about how the most desired thing between us is to hold fast to the beliefs deep within our hearts. Don’t let unnecessary matters harm those we most want in our hearts.”

”Dad, I’ve thought about it: should I bow my head to the world and admit my wrongs, acknowledge precisely how many mistakes I’ve made? Would the outcome be different then? Could all the harm I’ve done be completely forgotten by you, reducing any bit of pain you might feel?

But realistically, it won’t. No matter what I do, your heart will never forgive me because the hurt I’ve caused you is something you can never overcome. I’m already numb. I don’t know what I truly want anymore. I’m nothing but a walking dead. I’ve forgotten what I wanted most in life. I’ve lost the person I love the most, yet every mistake I’ve committed, I must bear alone. No one else can share the burden of my faults.

As time passes, I thought I would gradually mature. But I’ve found that I will always be a child who never grows up, always hoping for love and protection from others. Yet, in the end, I could only end up hurting those who love me the most, leaving them feeling disgusted and desperate time and again with me!

A despairing life is terrifying. I’m currently a desperate person, feeling hopeless about my life. I don’t know what extreme actions I might take next. I also don’t know what I could do to retrieve what I most wish to regain.

Sometimes I even have terrible thoughts in mind, wondering if surrendering my life would enable me to recover everything I wish to save. But is that even possible?

You know better than anyone that it’s just a flight of fancy. Even if I lost my life, it’s not certain that I could win back my beloved in my heart!”

Old Master Zhang could only sigh. Since ancient times, the word ’love’ has been the most damaging. Unexpectedly, his son ended up being utterly wounded by this word. What should his son do to bring back the one he loves the most? He’s willing to give up his own life, yet still can’t change her mind. Perhaps their relationship as husband and wife is now only in name.

Perhaps the two of them no longer share any real connection, only maintaining the last bit of illusion within this family...

Only wish that the last person to stay by your side is still me, and that by my side, there’s only you!