My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2042: Chapter 1835: When the Flowers Bloom

Waiting for the flowers to bloom, that intoxicating fragrance, I once set sail for love, watching everything bathed in the sunlight of happiness!

”No matter how you try to persuade me, child, I don’t believe any decision I make is wrong. I think every decision I have made is perfectly correct.

Although I don’t understand what exactly it was that made you misjudge me back then, do you know, all these years after I left you, deep down I’ve been truly suffering, never happy.

Deep in your heart, the mistakes I’ve made will never get a chance to be corrected, because you never trust me. No matter what, the mistakes I made in the past might have caused too much damage to you, casting too large a shadow on your heart, leaving you unable to ever trust me as a father. But do you know? In these years, I have truly regretted my actions, regretting abandoning you. I’m not a stone-hearted, indifferent person; I have no way to comprehend the harm my mistakes caused you. I hope you can forget the past, look to the future, and live happily. But do you know? When I hear every word you say to me, I know it’s impossible — you will never let go of the past. Deep in your heart, there’s only sadness; you see only pain.”

”You’re right; deep down, I do have great resistance to you. But do you know? All this resistance was placed upon me by your own hands. Haven’t I been abandoned by you again and again enough? How much more do you intend to hurt me? You are my father, and that’s a fact I can never escape. We both share the same blood. But do you understand? Half of my blood is my mother’s, not solely yours.

You think it is easy to forget every word you’ve spoken and every thing you’ve done to me? You see yourself as a Saint, but I can’t. I have no way to forget all the pain you once inflicted upon me. You might not care about those things — I can’t. Do you understand what it’s like when all the pressure weighs on your head, suffocating you, when you have to resort to avoidance to vent your emotions, yet you can’t show your feelings in front of your family? You have to hide your emotions from those closest to you because you can’t let them worry about you. Do you know, when you all cause trouble for me time and again, all I want is a calm embrace to provide comfort, a comfort you’ve never given me.

Time and again, when I needed you most, you chose to abandon me, to leave. When I didn’t need you, when my achievements were stable, and I was on the brink of becoming a global focal point, you chose to return. I don’t know how long such an ending can last or how long I should maintain such a mindset. I’m not Saint; I can’t forgive myself time and again. I can’t live my whole life forgiving you without a care. I have my own family, my own thoughts, and my own judgment. I can’t give up my principles for you time and again.

There was a time when I thought about abandoning my principles to forgive you, to live well with you, but what did I get in return? Your deception. During that time, I almost broke down, unable to comprehend why anyone would treat me so cruelly.

Everyone thinks my parents did nothing wrong, that I should forgive them. But who has ever considered it from my perspective? Who knows how hard my life has been? Time and again, I’ve lived lives I never wanted to lead. All I wanted was for my life to be a bit easier. But what did I get in return? Betrayal by my family, betrayal by my friends. Even when I offered my genuine heart to exchange for sincerity, I never received genuine treatment from others. All I got were lies, one after another. Is this truly my fate?

I don’t believe that everything I’ve given is nothing in your eyes. I don’t believe all my efforts are so insignificant. I’m not Saint, I have no way to live my whole life without being hurt by anyone, while being happy on my own. It’s impossible. When I’m hurt by others, I’m still there foolishly smiling, believing everything done is right, is for my own good.

Perhaps you think I’m foolish, naive, and easy to deceive. But after being exposed time and again, I won’t be so easily used as I was before. What I do is only for me to live more happily, more easily. I don’t want anyone to help me, pity me, or give me sympathy. What I hate most in this life is when, having suffered these betrayals, I try my best to forgive when others seek my forgiveness.

Do you understand how much more convenient it was when you approached me in Shanghai? Time and again, I doubt every decision I make. I can’t believe that’s a decision I would make. I’ve given you all my heart, but what do I get in return? Time and again, you hurt me. Even if you give me the best hurt, I still choose to forgive you because you are my parents. But you never know when to repent and continue to hurt me, treating hurting me as a delight. Do you know the harm you’ve inflicted on me is something I’ll never be able to forget, something that will be deeply etched in my memory for life. Sometimes I think my ways are overly excessive. I shouldn’t forgive as easily as I do. Others may be indifferent, but constantly forgiving others is cruel to myself. Time and again I am hurt by you, yet I still resolutely forgive. That moment already meant failure, already proved I’m no longer fit to be the strongest in the world!”

Until the very end, I finally realized I could embrace the sunlight!