My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2014: Chapter 1808: Letting Go

Both knew in their hearts that there was an anticipation they could never forget, because it lay deep within their souls!

”Zhentian, ah, you will never have any way to understand, when I watch the night fall before me again and again, and all I see is an endless darkness. It’s like standing by the roadside, watching the lone, flickering streetlights and the bustling night markets, but the one I love is not by my side. I’m exhausted to the bone, waiting for him to see me one last time. Even if I gain nothing in this lifetime, why does she treat me this way, unwilling to leave me even the smallest piece of longing? He erased all memories, leaving me endless painful reminisces, each one piercing my heart until I can’t bear it anymore, willing to set aside all dignity to beg him, but why won’t he come out to see me even once?

Actually, you probably think a person like me is foolish and naive, sacrificing so much for a man who doesn’t care. But do you even know how much I care about him? Because of me and him, all kinds of misunderstandings led to countless arguments, yet who can understand how much pain is in my heart? I gaze at the moon, shining bright in the sky over Dali, while I can only stand silently like a fool, waiting. I can’t pray for him, because I can’t enter where he lives. I can only look from afar as the lights in his dorm flick on and off. Do you know what that feels like? Though you are my husband, and we’ve been through hardships together, you’ve never felt such heart-wrenching sorrow.

This lifetime, I’ve decided that if he doesn’t want to come back to me, I won’t be happy even if I’m with you. It’s better to part ways and let me quietly live out the rest of my life, waiting for him without change. I’ve given too much for him, yet it pales compared to his sacrifices for me. He would even give up his life for me. And what have I done for him? Being with you is the greatest betrayal to him. It’s understandable that he doesn’t forgive me. No matter how much I give, in his eyes, it’s just a lie to cover up. But who knows how much I truly loved her before? Love that words can’t describe, as I look up to the sky, hoping for a sliver of mercy, but what comes is others’ contempt and cold stares. Yet I’m there, foolishly waiting, wandering endlessly, never seeing his voice, wondering if he’s really so heartless towards me?”

”Maybe you think I’ve never endured such pain, but do you know that your actions bring me the greatest hurt? You’re my wife, how can you bear to say such things, praising that man in front of me over and over? What do you take me, your husband, for in your eyes? Every time you mention him, I remain silent, but it doesn’t mean my heart feels nothing. Your words cause my heartache and pain. I’ve waited for just one person, yet why am I waiting foolishly and never receiving an embrace?

Are you really my wife? Your actions towards me are more cruel than those of a stranger. Even a stranger would be touched by my dedication. I’ve given up so much for you, yet you never see my love. You’re always belittling me. In your eyes, what am I? I looked around at the night, just as you described, unable to see anything. Waiting for him, you’re not turning back, and I am waiting for you. Yet, you choose never to turn back because you’ve cut all ties. All you want is him. No matter what I give, you never see it, as your eyes and heart are filled with his shadow. Without him, maybe you will never find happiness. But do you know, without you, I will also lose my joy!

You’re right, people are selfish, but could you, out of the sincerity I’ve shown you, try to entrust your heart to me so I can feel what it’s like to be loved? All these years, my pain is no less than yours. I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me. For years, your body is by my side, but your heart is not. How do you think this makes me feel?

The person I embrace day and night is nothing more than an empty shell. Am I really not worthy of your love in your eyes?

Does being with me make you so unhappy?”

Zhang Zhentian spoke with growing anger, truly unaware of how to treat his wife any longer, as his companionship day and night was just a joke to her!

”Zhentian, it’s not like that. In my heart, you will always be my friend. I could never love you in this lifetime. Being with you is the biggest mistake of your life because my presence cost you a chance to marry into a wealthy family. Do you know how long I’ve felt guilty about this?

How I wish you could find someone who truly loves you. Everything I’ve done was just to seek help for myself. But I never thought that because of my actions, you’d end up with me. It’s because of this that my father suffered your abandonment. Do you know how much his heart hurt? Why didn’t you consider his feelings back then?

He was just a father wanting care from his descendants. Have our actions really honored the debt we owe for his years of nurturing care?”

”Enough. You don’t have to say anymore. None of this is your fault. You’ve already said you don’t want to be with me. Do you know how much pain it causes me to hear that? You’re making me scared now. Do you know how deeply your actions hurt me?

Can’t people be less selfish? Can’t they consider others sometimes? Why must those who love you suffer one by one...”

A life of pain drags on endlessly, and what you desire seems ever out of reach!