My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2005: Chapter 1799: Absurd

I have often wanted to ask you what exactly is the emotion you speak of in matters like this?

We have seen too many love stories that ultimately turn into farewells.

Zhang Ni and Zhang Yichen might have overheard family discussions about how their grandparents use their phones, but they never imagined that it could be so complicated. They thought their father just kept making mistakes and hurting others, never understanding what it felt like to be hurt. Yet, long ago, their father had already felt all this; and the one who made him feel it was none other than his wife. How heartbroken he was back then—that woman was the one he loved most. The one he loved hurt him the most, but all he could do was watch in silence because he was afraid that if he spoke, everything would be lost.

”Grandpa, I have heard your story before, but I never thought it would be like you described. You and grandma sacrificed a lot to be together, but all your sacrifices seemed insincere in her eyes. She never took your efforts as genuine. She took everything you did for granted.

Even if you were happy together back then, time passed slowly, never to return. Everyone had some experiences and changes deep in their hearts. He no longer wanted to be with you as faithfully as before; he didn’t think of staying by your side as he once did. Why should you persist for him, then? Reflect on all that you have sacrificed for him; isn’t that enough? How much more will you have to give for you to feel at peace?

I know I have no reason or right to meddle being a younger generation, but do you know? Once you realize it, everything is hard-won. So many people worry for you, and so many are saddened by your actions.

”Some things are destined to happen, some never will. How many beauties are there in the world? Don’t be a fool to force it!

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, so why aren’t you willing to do it that way now? Even if you force her to stay by your side, what kind of ending will you get? Will her heart truly want to be with you? No, if a woman has had a change of heart, she won’t choose to be with you again, regardless of the situation. Her heart no longer holds a place for you, and no matter how much you give for her, in his eyes, it will be just a game; he won’t feel guilty for what you’ve done.”

”You speak of truths I know all too well, but there are some things I can’t just do. She is still my wife at this moment, and as long as the law acknowledges that, I will not give up on her. Whether or not she loves me, my love for her is enough. Maybe you think I’m too absurd, that my love is hopeless, but it’s all for her. I’m willing to become a devil for her. Am I being judged by poets time and again? I don’t want to throw her away completely. I hope she changes her mind. I give her hope again and again, but she repays me with despair each time. Sometimes, I don’t understand the purpose of my actions, nor do I understand why I’m making such sacrifices.”

I always want to give up on her, but seeing her deeply saddened and crying cuts me like a knife. I can’t forgive myself for the pain I’ve caused her. I just want her to be safe and sound, but everything I do doesn’t lead to that outcome. Sometimes, I regret deeply and resent my life. I don’t understand why I became this way, even for her; I shouldn’t become so bottomless!

Many believe my love for her is beyond help; many think I’ve reached a state of limitless desperation. I get hurt by her time and time again, and she repays my sincerity with heartlessness, yet I’ve given her all my heart. I believe true feelings can eventually bring out her genuine feelings, even if it’s just once or just a fleeting moment, I would be happy. But in the end, I realize that her true feelings for me are always just for her own use. Even if true love is used, I’ve treated it as if it was genuine love from her. You may consider me foolish or childish, maybe even stupid, but I believe that one day you will also understand.”

”You’re right. In my eyes, your love for her has already turned into hopeless indulgence. The more you indulge her, the more extreme she becomes each time. I don’t understand this reason that makes you indulge her without limits. I don’t understand what everything is for, but I hope you can think it through. What has your action brought to the family? Even if you don’t care about being hurt, the family also suffers. Could all your family members repeatedly endure her heartless harm? He’s never reflected on himself after making mistakes. He always thinks of shifting the blame to others. Both of you are like this. Now, you are willing to accept the truth and articulate everything, but she’s not necessarily willing!”

Some things you both should have talked out sooner. If things continue like this, there will be no good outcome for anyone, leading each of you deeper into trouble. Why exhaust each other? All you both want is a stable life, but do you think this is a stable life? A life like this, is this the life you want? You’ve destroyed everything with your own hands, what have you brought to your family?

I am not asking you to look elsewhere, just look at your son, your father. Look carefully, what kind of harm did your actions do to them? Now, they’re so afraid of you both, afraid from the depths of their soul. They fear being hurt by you all over again, fear being abandoned by you once more. All that fear comes from you; do you still refuse to sincerely repent, declare to the world that you’ve made mistakes, refuse to reveal the truth, to acknowledge that you are the ones who abandoned your family?”

I know that after the soul is corroded by longing, I realize how absurdly wrong everything is.