My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1451: Chapter 1245: Alone

Listening to the sound of rain falling alone, everyone is in so much pain, and no one can live happily ever after. Who knows what it is that one cannot hold onto or let go of.

”It turns out you’ve always thought I chose to be with you because of money. You don’t understand me at all. What I really want isn’t like that. I just want to live with the man I love most. When I achieve my ideal goals and marry the man I love most, I realized I’ve already been satisfied with my life!

But in your eyes, you might think it’s nothing at all, not a big deal, but to me, it’s a matter of great importance. I can endure you ignoring me time and again, I can endure your repeated doubts about me, I can endure every time I look for you, you’re almost never by my side. But I can’t endure you wronging me over and over again, not even willing to give me the basic trust.

Over the years, in the eyes of others, people think our marriage is filled with love. But the reality? Do you really have no idea at all how you’ve treated me? No matter how much I try to please you, you always give me a perfunctory smile, you know that? Sometimes, it really hurts, and I feel like such a failure. Why is it that despite treating the person I love so sincerely, this is the outcome? Why won’t the person I truly love ever say to me that he loves me?

I myself can no longer tell which words are true and which are false, but I really don’t want much, just think of it as me begging you, don’t strip away my right to happiness again and again. I just want to be with you. For you, I’ve changed so much, but in the end, I discovered that no matter how I change, I can never match up to you. And you will always be a little higher than me because your education is different, your background is different, everything about you is different, your worldview, values, ideals are all different, but do you know? It’s precisely because these differences made me follow your steps, being with you, slowly trying to change my worldview with yours, your values differ from mine, and I’ve followed yours to change myself.

Are these things so insignificant in your eyes? Do you think I’m naturally supposed to be treated in this way, to humble myself to you, and you, living in the clouds held up by others, mean that I, as your wife, have to be trampled underfoot, never to rise?

Yichen, now I have no way of knowing what you really think about us. Your coldness towards me sometimes nearly drives me to collapse. I don’t know what I should do, how I should face you. Clearly, many things are not my fault, but for the sake of your so-called dignity, to make you happy, I choose time and again to bow down and admit fault. But in the end, no matter how weak I am, in your eyes, you’ll never care about my feelings. Why is what I want so hard to attain?

When I ask you questions time and again, you always think of avoiding them. When we encounter problems, I want to clear things up thoroughly, but you choose to blame me indiscriminately. Do you really trust me? Does your heart really see me as family? On the day you confessed to me, during those years you sincerely treated me well, I considered you family, but you saw me as a tool to be used.”

”I have never seen you as a tool. I just want you to stay peacefully at home, not running around everywhere. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but because of the mistakes you’ve made, I find it hard to trust you. I’m also afraid, afraid that one day those past events will replay. I can’t endure that kind of harm. Why? You’ve hurt me so many times, now you know how it feels not to be trusted?”

”When I was with you, I told you every sincere truth about me. My trust for you was wholehearted; I never doubted you. But you’ve never believed in me. Perhaps you think I’m so lowly, why must everything follow your wishes? Many things are clearly not my fault. Why do I still have to take all the blame just to make you happy?

I’ve thought repeatedly for a long time, and still couldn’t find a suitable conclusion, until I finally figured it out: I did all this simply because I love you, but in the end, this is the result I got. Do you really know me? You always think I’m with you for Xiao Jing, for wealth and glory. There are so many people, so many rich people in the world. Others can give me wholehearted trust, so why do I still choose to be with you because I believe one day I can warm that cold heart of yours with my changes.”

”Remember you once said, your heart is dead, and it will never love again. Yet you are still with me. I don’t know if you’re with me to torment me or to use me.

Why treat me like this? Why not give me a peaceful life? Why distrust me again and again? It might mean nothing to you, but to me, it’s deadly pain...”

”Zhihan, some things have already passed, let’s not talk about them anymore. Isn’t it good for you to live your life peacefully now? Why provoke those people from your past again, knowing they mean no good, why still do this? You’re clearly testing my patience.

My patience has limits. I can’t endlessly tolerate and love you without boundaries. I just want you to be well, just like you sincerely stay with me, with no one else dwelling in your heart. But can you really do that? If you can, then I wouldn’t need anything else!”

”Now it’s too late for you to say these things. Since you’ve already wronged me indiscriminately, without so much as an apology, why do you think I should forgive you now?

In fact, I truly want to ask you, on what grounds do you indiscriminately wrong me in your heart? What do you take me for? Why, when you’ve done wrong, when you indiscriminately wronged me, could you not even offer an apology? Are you that arrogant simply because you’re wealthy?”

I’m afraid of becoming just a passer-by in your life. I’m even more afraid that I can’t make my life different in the end, and most of all, I’m afraid of losing the person I care about.

Being alone is really lonely.