My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1800: Chapter 1594: Perseverance

No matter what kind of life I choose, what kind of steps I take, I always insist on the most correct path, never giving up easily.

Zhang Zhentian knew very well that his father and son were giving him one last chance. He understood, but he didn’t know how to choose. On one side was his wife, and on the other was his family. Choosing either side meant giving up the other, which was the outcome he least wanted. If he was forced into making such a decision because of this choice, he wouldn’t be happy, no matter what. How could he make everyone consider what kind of result he truly wanted? If his repeated wrong decisions led to a life of regret with no way to forgive himself, wouldn’t he have been wrong over and over again?

So, he didn’t want to make the right decision on his life’s path to make everyone look up to him and make himself less exhausted, but some things are really not that easy. Making a decision is hard enough; how much harder is making the right decision?

Everyone sees things differently; the perspective is completely different. Everything he did might have brought the most painful outcome to his heart and soul, but he was helpless. All of it only made him so painful, so unbearable.

Xia Jing very much understood what was going on deep in her husband’s heart.

Even though he was clear in his heart, he was also powerless. He had thought about making her husband stay in this family and having her husband just walk away with her, but she had no power to force him to stay; she quietly left alone.

”You don’t have to worry about my feelings. I know you really want to stay with this family. You’ve dreamed countless times of returning home over the years. Even if you’ve forgotten, I can’t forget. I’m the one who harmed you, step by step, into this situation. I made you work so hard, but you know, I cannot bear to see you continue living in pain. Even if I live alone outside, I am still your wife, and this legal bond will never change, but I hope you understand.

Now, everyone in this family needs you here. How can you selfishly abandon them for your own little desires? Leaving before was out of necessity.

But if you choose to leave now, it proves that deep down in our hearts, we haven’t regarded them as family. We don’t want such an outcome. This outcome will only make us suffer. We should show through our actions that we truly want to stay with the family, truly regard them as loved ones in our hearts. If we’ve made the wrong decision again this time, how could you expect us to return to this family? How could we face our ancestors under the ground?

You know, over the years, I never asked you for anything, but this time, I really want to plead with you to make a correct decision. Please, think carefully. Please, don’t let this matter cause us repeated sadness. Please, consider staying with this family, stay to take care of your child, take care of your father. Don’t decide to leave again out of momentary anger. That’s not the result we want.”

Zhang Zhentian knew his wife would say these words to him. Over the years, he was fully aware of how difficult her life had been. How could he not know? But he had never chosen wrong. Maybe now, no matter what he said, it would be useless, because every word he uttered might bring different thoughts to his wife. He didn’t want her to become so tired. He didn’t want her to endure the gossip of others. He just wanted her to live happily, freely, and with no more burdens.

”You’re right, I do want to come back to this family, but the prerequisite is that you have to be here too. What’s the point if it’s just me?

Please don’t try to push me away from you. Do you think there’s happiness in me being apart from you? You’re just pushing me to a dead end again and again. Please let me live a happy life too, will you? Let me have my autonomy like a normal person!

I hope to choose the kind of life I want, to walk the path I desire. I don’t want to live relying on all of you for my whole life. I just want everyone to know that every decision I made was right, and I can rely on myself to reach the end. I don’t want everyone to look down on me.

Dad, you know deep in your heart that no matter what, the decisions I make are hard to change, because you know, I am not the kind of person who easily changes what’s deep in my heart. Again and again, I reached where I am now, yearning for a happy and healthy life, but I ended up disappointed every time.

I admit, in the past, I’ve hurt you all greatly, but it wasn’t intentional. I just wanted to live happily; yet time and again, the results only made you sad. Do you know how regretful I am? None of you can understand the remorse I feel in my heart, the kind of remorse that presses you so heavy you can’t breathe, that pushes you step by step into a corner of despair without a way out.

I really wish I could live freely for once. Even if it’s just once, I would be content. Throughout these years, I haven’t lived freely. You all know it too: achieving what I have today wasn’t easy. Everything I did was by relying on my own efforts, step by step, to get to today. Who cared about my feelings? Who thought about how difficult my life was? No one understands.

You always assume what seems good to you is the best, but you forget whether such a thing or such a life truly suits me. If these things, this life, are not right for me, then how do you think I feel? It’s just torture, deep and heartfelt torture, that wears down a person’s will, step by step, dragging one into the abyss of pain from which there is no escape. I don’t blame anyone because all of this is a result of the decisions I made myself. I must bear it alone, but you should also see things from my perspective, my pain, my heartbreak. How many tears have I shed?”

No matter what mistakes I have made, as long as I am willing to return to the original state, I can make everything restore to its most primal form.