My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1757: Chapter 1551: In a Hurry

Perhaps in the rush and haste, people frantically search in others’ love lives for what fits or doesn’t fit their own blurry image.

”I know, how could I not know? It’s precisely because you’ve sacrificed so much for me that I feel guilty in my heart. These past years, how much pain have I inflicted on you, don’t you know? You clearly know that many times I’ve exploited your feelings for me, yet even knowing this, you still willingly stay by my side. What can I possibly say to you?

Sometimes you clearly know that when I say harsh and heartless words to you, it’s just to vent, to avoid bottling up my anger deep inside. I’ve directed the anger I suffered elsewhere onto you, and truly, is there no resentment in your heart?

You are my husband, yet these years I’ve never fulfilled even a bit of the responsibilities a wife should. I’m always at odds with you, always doing things to hurt you, yet you’ve stayed with me, hoping we could happily live together and forget all the past sorrows, remembering only the best memories between us!”

”Xia Jing, we are a couple, you are the woman I love most. No matter when or where, neither of us should say thank you to each other, for that thank you could truly change our feelings. Once those words are spoken, the nature of our affection changes, and our relationship becomes estranged!

We simply live happily together, without thinking of past unhappiness, forgetting all pain and worries. As long as our future is joyful and happy, why bother with the rights and wrongs of the past? Why dwell on past issues that truly have no bearing on our path? Even if tangled in them, it makes no difference as we’ve already taken a different path?

Because I understand, all paths in life are walked by oneself; no one can arrange them perfectly. The mistakes we’ve made, we must bear all responsibility and pain ourselves. We’ve forgotten how we lived, relying on each other step by step until today. How could we easily give up?”

”I know, perhaps you truly love me in your heart, yet these years you’ve clearly missed your child, your father, the entire family. But you’ve never mentioned this in front of me because you’re afraid of troubling me; you just want me to be happy. Yet, as your wife, how could I not know your inner thoughts?

You’ve hidden all your homesickness from me just so I could continue to live happily outside, but you didn’t know, ever since the day I realized your homesickness, my heart wavered. I don’t want to see you sad, nor want you to be troubled. I want to return home with you and be forgiven by the family, even if I’m eventually cast out, it won’t matter, as long as you can return home, and stop living in pain like before, that’s the greatest comfort to me as your wife.

Don’t think I’m foolish, or that I’m doing something for you; in reality, everything I do is simply to gain your favor. I just hope you’ll forever remember me, although I use other means that hurt you, only hoping you’ll leave me and return home. Maybe, if I leave, you’ll be able to return!”

I’ve watched our child grow step by step. I clearly know how saddened and pained he is, yet have no means to mend the hurt I’ve caused him. As a mother, I’m useless, not knowing how to make my son happy. When I see him bullied, I wish I could kill the other kids; all I want is for my child to live joyfully and carefree.

Whenever I stand outside his school watching him attend class or during breaks, can you fathom my happiness? I want to rush and embrace him, yet lack the courage, fearing he’d reject me, choosing to push me away.

No one knows the depth of this pain, it roots deeply within me. I know my child hopes I could accompany him well, but as a mother, all I’ve brought him is hurt!

Today, it’s just the two of us here, so I choose to pour out all my heart to you. I don’t wish these words to reach my son; should he hear them, he might think I’m overly dramatic, saying I miss him while unwilling to see him. Yet truly, my heart wishes to live together with him.”

Zhang Zhentian sighed. How could he not know? How could he not understand his wife’s longing to see their child? Beside his wife at the school gate time and again, remaining unseen. She just wanted to quietly gaze upon their child, undisturbed. Many times he saw her secretly wiping tears at the school gate, feeling profound pain as a husband, yet who could understand?

”Actually, over the years you’ve stood outside her school watching, I’ve always been behind you, never letting you notice. I’ve seen you cry when you see her. I know your heart remains tender, yet you have no recourse; you stifle your longing. You only wish for your son not to recognize his mother.

I believe deep down, despite everything, your love remains for him. Regardless of what happens, even if they refuse to accept us, we can leave again, but this time I won’t abandon them, I’ll frequently return to see them, living apart. I’ve resolved to seek forgiveness from father at all costs; if we can live happily together, I’ll endure anything as long as they no longer shut me out, as long as I can witness their happiness!”

In the end, we can finally clearly perceive what belongs to us, or not, amidst eternal past stories.