My Alleged Husband

Chapter 791: Chapter 760: Pride in Comparison_2

I’d lived through these years, every step I took was fraught with difficulty, and each day I moved forward was by virtue of my own effort. No matter what I’d been through, I had never shed a tear of pain, because I knew crying wasn’t something I should be doing; tears wouldn’t yield any results!

If, when faced with difficulties or before getting married, I chose not to confront them and instead just hid somewhere quietly weeping, would those dangers have avoided me? Would I not have to endure those hardships again? Would the outcomes not be so difficult to achieve, time after time? No one knew the extent of my inner turmoil; I always appeared vigorous in front of others.

Because I didn’t want anyone to see through the real me hidden deep inside, I didn’t want others to know what kind of person I was. I wanted to disguise and hide who I truly was, live under a façade. Perhaps that might bring a different life for me.”

”Mom, actually, there’s nothing wrong with what you did. Over the years, we weren’t unaware of what you’ve gone through. You’re not heartless, I am the heartless one. When my mother finally thought of coming back home to be with me, I cruelly urged Grandpa to turn you away. My hatred blinded me, causing me to lose the opportunity to be with you—time and time again—until I forgot what I’d lost that was so dear to me!

Mom, as long as you can be by my side now, nothing else matters to me!

Once Dad wakes up, I will bring you both home to live with us. I won’t let you leave us again for the rest of our lives. I will take good care of you. I believe in my own abilities; I am not a weak and incompetent person.”

Xia Jing knew her son was not weak or incompetent; on the contrary, she knew he was quite capable, more so than many others. She also believed that her son’s standing at the pinnacle of the world today was proof of his abilities. He had climbed there step by step, and as his mother, she had not done even the slightest bit of her duty. The thought made her feel utterly ashamed.

”Yichen, it’s Mom who has let you down. Over these years, you’ve struggled on your own for so long, yet I’ve never stood by your side, offering any help or encouragement. I really don’t know how I could ever make up for the deep sense of debt I feel towards you.

You could have chosen to hate me, to find some balance in your feelings, but now you don’t even choose to hold onto that hate. My heart feels worse and worse; I am truly ashamed. Other mothers would choose to stay by their child’s side, never wanting to leave no matter what, but I abandoned you a month after you were born. How could there be a mother like me in the world? You must have really hated me back then, right?

You struggled so hard to climb up, desperately and recklessly. Weren’t you trying to prove that abandoning you was a huge mistake to your own parents?

The fact is, you have done it now. We all feel guilty and saddened by abandoning you back then, because we should never have abandoned you. Only after we lost you did we realize how important this kinship is. If I had chosen to stay by your side all along, we wouldn’t have ended up like this.

Maybe your father wouldn’t be lying here right now, and I wouldn’t have to repeatedly go through so much and engage in fierce arguments with him!

Deep down, you truly are my good son. It was you who opened my eyes by proving through your actions that with effort, rewards will follow. Heaven is always fair. Whatever effort you put in, it will pay off accordingly. If you are unwilling to make the effort, then what right do you have to expect Heaven to bestow upon you the perfect reward?”

”Mom, let’s not talk about these things between us anymore. I believe we can return to our happiest times as a family. I haven’t enjoyed a single moment of having my parents by my side over these years, so please let me savor it once more. I really look forward to knowing the taste of such a life. As a child, I was so envious when I saw other kids walking hand in hand with their parents down the street. I never imagined when my parents might hold my hand because I knew it was impossible. Even if my parents eventually came back home and held my hand, by that moment, I would have already reached the pinnacle of the world.

I always forced myself to train over and over again because I couldn’t let anyone look down on me. Disdain would disappoint Grandpa, a man who values ’face’ more than I do. His pride, his self-esteem, matters more than mine. I couldn’t afford to hurt him with my own incompetence, to be slow to respond to any criticism leveled at Grandpa. I couldn’t let Grandpa’s pride suffer the slightest injury.

No one else might understand this feeling, but I believe my father could. I believe he and I are alike. If he knew, I’m sure he would also not allow Grandpa’s pride to be hurt. He’d rather his own self-esteem suffer any harm than let the people he cares about be unhappy because of him.”