My Alleged Husband

Chapter 753: Chapter 723: Fickle and Unpredictable_1

Just when Zhang Zhentian was ready, all set to go abroad for a trip with his wife, he realized that some things were not as simple as he had imagined. Some things couldn’t be achieved merely by one’s own wishful thinking. If he tried to retain someone by his side using the same method over and over again, what meaning would his life hold in this world?

Even if he gave her his sincere heart, what did he get in return, if not the result of heart-wrenching pain? How much we have done for him, to what extreme we have gone—yet in his eyes, all of these are just trivial matters that he wouldn’t take to heart.

Everything is ready...

”Zhentian, there’s something I must make clear to you, no matter what we might become this time, I hope that you can let go of me in the future. Maybe in your eyes, all this is unimportant, but in my eyes, I take it very seriously. Everyone has a different perspective on and approach to issues; you might not understand, but do you know? These years with you, I’ve genuinely been happy and blessed, and you have given me much that I’ve never had before.

But deep inside, I really can’t forget him. Such an ending might make you feel unfairly treated, might make you think you are too powerless, but do you know? Being with you has made me so very happy, so very joyful.

Today might be the last time we go on a trip. After this trip, maybe there will no longer be any connection between us. But do you know that I’m also afraid of such an ending? I’m also afraid of such things happening around me, and I don’t wish for these issues to become obstacles between us again and again. I just wanted to live the life everyone dreams of, peacefully and steadily.

But the life you want most in this lifetime, there’s no way I can give it to you, because my heart isn’t here. I’m deeply in love with the man in my heart, a love that has endured for so long, for whom I would do anything, and yet in the end, he can’t be with me. This, perhaps, is a wound in my life that I can never heal; time and again I’ve asked myself, why am I doing this? Is it for someone who’s already lost? But then I realized that I really can’t lose him; without him, I have no way to go on living. He is the entire motivation of my life.”

Zhang Zhentian really couldn’t stand his wife’s fickleness, wondering what was the point of this over and over again? She had clearly promised to give herself a chance to fall in love with him, so why was she saying such words to him now? Wasn’t this just a blatant slap in the face?

”Xia Jing, I don’t know what’s going on deep inside your heart, but don’t you feel that you’re blatantly slapping me in the face? You had already promised to give us a chance, so why utter such words now? Don’t you think that this is too unfair, too cruel to me? If there were even a slight bit of feeling for me in your heart, you wouldn’t treat me like this. What am I to you in your heart, a pet that is called upon and dispatched at will, or what?

Can’t you stop being so capricious? What is the meaning of constantly changing your mind? All you do is hurt those who care about you over and over again, do you know that?

You think that you can’t live without him, that without him you have no way to live, but what about me? Am I nothing to you? I’m the same as you; I can’t lose you either. Without you, I have no way to live, I don’t even have the courage to face reality. Can’t you just pity me and give me a sliver of hope to live, to be happy here, to stay by your side and accompany you? Isn’t that enough? Do you have to drive everyone to a dead end before you’re satisfied?

Actually, deep down, I really don’t understand. These things are so long past, why can’t you let go? In my eyes, you were always so understanding; and now, why have you become so unreasonable!

I just wanted to peacefully go on a trip with you, to reset things, to bring you to appreciate the natural scenery. But why do you always treat me this way? You’ve already agreed to me, so why do you now have to refuse, leaving me where? What do you really think of me?

”I didn’t mean that. In my heart, you have always been my family. There are just some things I don’t know how to say to you, I don’t know how to explain to you, because the more I say and explain, the more it might seem like pretexts in your eyes. I really don’t want us to get to that point.

Some things I can’t explain to you; the gap between us is too large, too vast. Maybe you won’t believe the words I say, but there are some things I have to say regardless. Why must you think of everyone so complicatedly? All we want is a stable life, so why can’t you achieve even that minimum?

Love can’t be forced; these years I’ve stayed by your side, but I’ve gradually realized that even if I reserved a place for you in my heart, even if you have become important to me, you will never outweigh her, because she is what matters most in my heart. For her, I could even abandon my life, but for you, I can’t make that sacrifice.

This is the difference—the huge difference. Can’t you feel it? With such a clear difference, can’t you let go? Do you have to die here, making us all miserable, for you to be happy, for you to be content? Why is human nature always so greedy, so selfish?

You think I’m being capricious, but is it really me who’s being capricious? Am I not the same as you, seeking nothing but a simple and peaceful life? But who can provide that life for us? Such a life can only be lived with the person I love, right? Since I don’t love you, even if I stay together with you, even if I forcibly stay by your side, you might be happy. But what about me? Do I have to bet my happiness in my whole life on whether I could someday love you? Don’t you think this way is a bit too cruel for me? If you truly love me, then please give me a chance to see if I could live the life I yearn for. Is that not okay?”