My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1989: Chapter 1783: Trajectory

I don’t want you to lose all traces from the trajectory of my life.

Actually, Zhang Zhentian clearly understands in his heart that if he misses this opportunity, he might completely lose the woman he loves the most. Yet he can’t face everything. He has no reason to salvage it.

Ultimately, all of this boils down to his own mistakes. In the end, he hurt the woman he loves the most, and he himself abandoned her.

He knows very well that some mistakes, once made, cannot be remedied. And once some errors have become a foregone conclusion, no one will allow them to continue. He’s very aware of this, which makes him even more pained. Clearly, his mistakes might not be the main reason, but he has to bear all the blame because if he wants his wife to view him differently, he must show the responsibility a man should have.

”Since we’ve come to this point, let’s not say anything more and calmly say our final goodbye.”

”In fact, you are a good man. You’ve just taken the wrong path. Everything you’ve done makes me reflect on whether being with you was right or wrong. You never thought about what attitude you should have towards our lives together. All you wanted was to control me with your power and desire. You never considered what I truly wanted or what you could give me.”

”I hope you remember that love is mutual. It’s not about one person giving unconditionally while the other waits eternally. That’s not love; it’s just a relationship between a creditor and a debtor. I hope someday you will understand my good intentions.”

I have to admit that during the past decade or so with you, my heart has often been very painful. You can never grasp what I want, and what you give me is always pressure and hurt. I’ve always comforted myself that if one day you could wake up and treat me well, give me everything I want, then I’d stay by your side for life, enduring all grievances. But now I realize, your awakening is too late, and I don’t have the patience to wait for that day. I’m an impulsive person; I can’t silently wait, again and again, for someone’s awakening like others might. All I want is to realize my ideals and everything I desire as soon as possible. Perhaps, after this, you will feel deep pain. Whether you hate me or not, it doesn’t matter to me. After all, it’s my fault for hurting you and wounding our most sincere feelings. There’s nothing I can do to save this relationship, and I hope you won’t use any means to prevent my departure. Since everything is already so clear, maybe letting me leave and venture out alone is the best. Don’t use your so-called love to tie me to your side...”

”Since you’ve decided to leave, nothing I say will make you stay. So why should I keep begging you, only for you to trample my dignity underfoot once more? I want to live happily; I want to be a straightforward, responsible, and accountable man. Maybe in your eyes, that day will never come, but I hope you believe that heaven will not fail a determined man. As long as I strive to be a responsible man, no matter what, I can achieve my goals and earn your respect, without any reason for you to contemplate abandoning me.”

Rest assured, it’s not only your fault. How could I choose to hate you? You’ll always be the woman I treasure the most in my heart. I will only think of you fondly, revisiting in my mind every path we walked and every day we shared struggles. Those days will never return. You’ve decided to leave, and nothing I say will make you come back to me. Therefore, I hope to retain my final dignity. If a man can’t even have that, how can he love the woman he loves the most?

Perhaps everything I’ve done before made you despise me. But I hope you understand that everything in the past was because I sincerely loved you. That’s why I hurt you. Until now, I’ve finally awakened to the fact that no matter how much I loved you before, I eventually hurt you. And this hurt won’t disappear just because of a sincere apology. It will forever be buried in your heart. Actually, your heart also feels fear because of the hurt I caused you, am I right?

I hope we can make a three-year pact. If in three years, you see that I’m entirely different from who I used to be, and if by then you see me as a responsible, courageous man, I hope you will give me another chance to return to my side so that we may build our world together and stay together for a lifetime.”

”If by then you truly become completely different, I am willing to give you another chance and also give myself another chance, so that we can continue to live the happy days we used to have without doubting each other due to anything, and with genuine belief that everything done is what’s best for us.”

Zhang Zhentian knows this is the biggest compromise Xia Jing can make.

Given this, what right does he have to further coerce, asking for another chance for mistakes he made? Thus, he can only choose to agree to this three-year pact. After three years, he will have completely changed, allowing his beloved woman to willingly come back to his side, not because of his repeated forceful actions, to accompany him through life.

”Since you have agreed, let’s both remember this three-year pact and not let anything destroy it. This is a promise to each of us...”

I think of you every single night. If I could hold you again, I would hold you tightly...