My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1880: Chapter 1674: Understanding

Many things are resolved only through communication and exchange.

Zhang Yichen felt that no matter what, she should persuade her mother. No matter what, she shouldn’t let her mother treat her father the way she used to.

”Mom, no matter how you look at it, you were wrong first. You shouldn’t treat my father like that, even if he abandoned me, abandoned my grandfather, abandoned our whole family, and even sent my grandpa to the hospital with anger. I can forgive him, because he is my father. No matter what mistakes he made, he is still my father; he gave me life. If it weren’t for him, how could I have what I have today? You both step by step created who I am now, but you never thought about the hardships I went through. You never accompanied me through my growth. Do you know how afraid I was growing up, undergoing devilish training again and again, crying out of fear with no one offering a helping hand?

Training in pitch blackness, unable to see even my own hands—who among you knows the fear in the heart of a child of just a few years old? Who among you knows the shadows that fear cast back then because you all only thought about your own ways of doing things? You forgot your families, who needed your companionship the most. You never really knew how to care for your family. Your actions were only to satisfy your own desires. But is your so-called freedom really that important? You gained freedom over the years, but let me ask you, are you really happy? Truly joyful? You got your freedom but lost the ones who loved you the most and lost your home. You roam the world with no fixed place to stay, living day by day in anxiety. Is that really the life you wanted?

Mom, no matter what, I still call you mother, because over the years you have silently watched over me. I know you do not ignore my existence; you just don’t know how to interact with your own son. I can forgive everything, no matter how much hurt you caused me in the past, no matter how many times you destroyed my happiness, I won’t hold a grudge. But for the sake of my father, I must make it clear to you. What you’re doing, how does that make my father feel? Don’t you know he loves you dearly? He’s willing to give you all his love. Do you really want to peel away his love for you like layers of an onion? If that day comes, will you still be able to be happy?

The heart feels pain since it is made of flesh, and emotions are not one-way. Who would be willing to give everything, only to receive a heart of stone in return?

If your heart didn’t worry too, we wouldn’t talk like this to my father. We don’t want him to feel sad and discouraged or have discord with you. But some things should come to an end, don’t keep hurting her like before. She’s changed a lot to keep pace with you. She used to never be like this, but for you, she has given so much. You should consider her feelings; if you just keep hurting her, she’ll only drift further away. Everyone has a different way of living, maybe ours is different from yours, but we hope you can live with us as part of this family. You have returned to this family; you’ve returned officially, so you should get used to living in this family and not live your own life alone like before. That’s not a life that can last!”

”My dear son, thank you for saying such heartfelt words to me today. Actually, I know clearly in my heart that some things can’t be changed once they happen. Do you think I don’t want to go back to the life I used to have? I just wish time could rewind and give me one more chance. My whole life is a regret; I lost the person I loved most and who loved me most, but what I got in return were repeated heartbreaks and pains. All I created with my own hands. I cannot blame anyone because I know that some things cannot be changed this lifetime, what I missed is missed forever. I just feel sad for myself, why have I ever not considered others’ feelings in what I do and bring about such consequences? I really regret it. I don’t seek to turn back time; I just hope heaven can give me one more chance, just one more, to return to the past where I can sincerely apologize to the person I loved most and wholeheartedly be with him, and that would be enough!

Sometimes I truly hate heaven. Why did it only give me one chance? What I want is far beyond that. I could give up everything for him, knowing how deeply I loved him and how deeply he loved me. I was willing to do anything, pay any price, bear any consequence, even the most painful retaliation. So why did I do those things to hurt him? Repeated guilt, feeling like living in hell, made my heart numb. I no longer know my own identity. I only know my heart has always loved that man. I love him, and that won’t change this lifetime. I just want to stay by his side, but why did heaven play such a cruel joke on me? All those arguments were for what, ultimately? Was it because someone else intervened, making our relationship extraordinary?

Child, securing your own happiness is most important. Don’t be like Mom, regretting only after losing it. By then, it will be too late. I only hate myself for my actions. If I had known, why did I do it? This saying is for myself, knowing the pain I caused and the psychological shadow it cast on those who loved me. I can’t convey this, nor can I measure it. All I know is, in this lifetime, I’ve walked down a path of no return because of my choice, hurt the person who loved me most, and now I can only live in sorrow. Sometimes, I truly pity myself...”

I’ve repeatedly asked myself, what am I really afraid of being replaced by?