My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1873: Chapter 1667: Story

Many times, it’s not that I enjoy staying up alone until dawn.

Those dialogues once spoken have become words piercing my heart; how many memories have already turned into a sad, grim face, just as haggard.

Zhang Ni actually knows what his father truly thinks deep down. Over the years, he has chosen to say nothing, hoping to leave a way out for each other. He wants each person to think carefully about how to walk this path, what moves to make, so that no one will feel sorrow over decisions made because of their achievements. Time has passed, family quarrels have happened again and again, and he has matured much more; he feels that to survive in this world, it is essential to have harmony in the family, everyone must unite. If problems can only be solved with force every time, even if he lives on here, it will only bring sadness and pain to his family.

Zhang Yichen won’t understand what his son really thinks deep inside; he won’t understand the inner thoughts of his own child. He only knows that he has fulfilled the responsibilities of being a father and has told his child everything he should. Whether his child will choose to heed his advice ultimately depends on whether he chooses to walk this path in the end.

”Dad, actually, you understand better than anyone inside, don’t you? You see more clearly than anyone, yet you choose to say nothing because you don’t want the family’s relationship to get worse. Because of this, do you know that your current thoughts and actions have brought different views to everyone in the family, making each person feel conflicted because of what you do.

Nobody wants to live in pain all the time; everyone wishes for a lifetime of happiness. Yet, is it really possible to live freely and unrestrainedly? Is it truly reality? Who can achieve such a state? Every time, what people want is so painful and sorrowful. No one has ever thought, what should I do? What does all this bring me ultimately?

In the past, for a little thing, I followed you and now realized how absurd my past actions were. Why did I argue with you over those matters, and why did I make you feel hurt deep down?

I don’t know if everything I’ve done is wrong; I just want everything to be different from before. I just want everyone in the family to live better and live the life they most desire. But why, in the end, no matter what I do, I can’t make everyone in the family live according to my wishes? What I do is meaningless, so a decision is really like this? Why, in your eyes, does it seem like I’m the only one trying to live my own life? I want to try the outside world alone, to see how vast it truly is. I want to travel the world with my own efforts. In your eyes, that’s just a joke, just words not taken seriously at all.

All I have done has gradually reached my desired goal, but in the end, I discovered that the outcome is contrary to what I once wanted. It’s no longer the conclusion I wanted the most, and there is nothing I can do to control it. This makes me feel that my abilities are quite weak; I don’t have the power to control the best life for myself. On the contrary, I have messed up my life thoroughly.”

”Child, let’s not dwell on these matters now; shouldn’t we, as father and son, live harmoniously? Why quarrel over some issues again? Right now, the most important thing is to quickly bring your grandparents back, to accompany your mother well, so she can recover soon and live a normal life, rather than remaining muddled daily, occasionally insane, and occasionally sober. Isn’t this, too, a kind of pain for her deep down?

You know, your mother is such a proud person. Whatever she decides, she won’t let anyone easily change her decision. But now she can only lie here, trapped in a narrow space. If her mind were clear, do you think she would be happy? Would she think this is the life she desires most? She would only feel it is the greatest humiliation, believing it all is a burden she brings to us, thinking herself a burden.”

”Now I don’t want to dwell on these questions, I hope you can go back and persuade grandpa and grandma to understand what they truly want. Nowadays, if their child comes back, hoping to live the life he desires freely again, then in the future, no one at home will genuinely welcome them back into the home. Their return to this home will change everything drastically and so quickly that we won’t have time to react. I don’t want such life to continue like this; I hope he can legitimately reflect on the result he desires most in life, and every decision he makes; what does he take us for?”

Zhang Zhentian has been standing here, listening to the conversation between his son and grandson. He didn’t expect, at least now, they are still considering what he, as an elder, has done all these years and how many people he has owed. But now, it’s hard for him to return to this family; why time and time again hurts them in the same way, casting aside their best trust in him and making all their efforts go to waste. What is the purpose of all that he has done, hurting them like this? Can he truly live with himself deep down? Wouldn’t he feel guilty at all?

Actually, his deep inner self is still very painful too. But faced with these issues, he also doesn’t know what choice to make; all he wanted was for everyone to lead a happy life. Yet, he couldn’t achieve the conclusion he wished for the most.

His deep inner self is also painful, also conflicted; he wishes everyone could be happy, too. But because of his appearance, this originally harmonious family has become as awkward as it is now.

I most want to let go of what I cannot let go of; I have always been entangled with what I aspire to, feeling like my whole body has been torn apart by pain, yet I am still powerless.