My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1863: Chapter 1657: Exhausted

Stop asking yourself whether you are willing or not; there is no such thing as whether you are willing or not. After saying it out loud, you will only feel more lost and more sad!

Actually, the things Xia Jing mentioned, even she herself doesn’t remember every day. Even though he is a devoted husband, he never once heard his wife talk about these things.

Perhaps his actions are right. As a couple, some things, once spoken, would only make the relationship more awkward. Leaving some matters always wild and untouched here will prevent everyone from feeling sad or sorrowful because of them.

Zhang Yichen listened again and again as his mother shared these touching memories with him, and his heart felt very uneasy and painful. Although these were not the most important, his heart still ached.

”Mom, happy times always pass. No matter how happy or joyful one was in the past, time will always turn it all into a cruel reality.

We have no chance or way to change all this. The only thing we can do is let our happiness become cheerful and joyful. All we want is a simple life. Perhaps all this is not the easiest for everyone, but for us, it’s the saddest and most painful!

Everything that once was has already become irrelevant. No matter how much you care, all that was before can never return to your heart. It’s all become the past. No matter how much you give, you can never get back what you’ve lost. What’s lost is lost. Some things only when lost do you realize how important they are. Some people only when lost do you realize how much they meant to you, how much you love that person in your heart. No one ever cherishes things while they have them. It’s only when others leave that you start thinking about how important they were to you and how you should have cherished them. But does this really help you? They have already left; it no longer has anything to do with you. Do you think you would still be happy together?”

”As a mother, there are some things I shouldn’t say to you. Sometimes, telling you these things doesn’t benefit you at all. But do you know? Some things can’t just be forgotten at will. I also hope to live a happy life and have a most blissful life. But why did the path I chose ultimately decide my final outcome? Step after step, a wrong step led to complete loss. I lost the person who loved me most and my greatest support in life. I could lose the whole world, but I really don’t want to leave him!

People say that Heaven is fair, but who ever thought that Heaven might be the most selfish and unfair? When it sees you have something wonderful, it wants to destroy it and give you some other pain. But has it ever thought that because of the pain it doesn’t care about, others chose to leave? It never occurred to him that a careless thought caused a pair who could have been happy to end up tragically. Every step he took, without considering the impact on human fate, was all preordained. What was the point of trying to change it all?”

”Mom, everyone said we should not resist the fate to which we were assigned, but should face it calmly. Only by choosing the path fate decided for us can we ultimately reach the peak of life. Maybe you don’t understand yet. I’ve experienced too much and I already know what actions lead to what outcomes. I’m numb already. I don’t know what my actions are for, nor how much more joy I can give to my family. All I want is a peaceful life. Perhaps that is too mundane for everyone else, but it’s too difficult for me. It’s because I’m at such a societal high, because I’ve entered high society, that every decision I make will determine my future path. Maybe it will be joyful, or maybe it will leave me in dire pain. No one can walk this road for me. Each road is one I must tread myself, step by step, no matter how arduous, and only my efforts can make it a complete life journey. There are many kinds of journeys in life; it depends on how you choose to face them, and with what mindset. All I can do is face it calmly, maybe you can’t do that?”

”You’re right, child. I really have no way of facing the life that Heaven arranged for me as calmly as you do. I loved him so much, and he loved me, and yet one mistake separated us entirely. I never thought that day would come so hopelessly. I cried for so long, feeling as if the whole world had abandoned me. I waited for him to reply to me, day and night, and only had the last despair. Do you know how scared I am each time night falls? I fear that when I sleep and open my eyes again, I will have completely lost him. And now I really have lost him. How am I supposed to face my actions?

It’s exactly because of this that, many times, I don’t know how to face your father. He loves me so much. He can abandon the world for me, but my heart is not only for him. My love for him grows gradually... Comparatively, I have only familial affection, not love, for him. I gave all my love to my ex-boyfriend. I hope he will return to me one day, even if it’s just to see me one last time. In life, there are too many choices, which is fair enough, but each of my choices brought painful results. How am I supposed to face each path I chose?

You’re right; some things I’ve indeed not experienced as much as you, nor understood as clearly. But I truly don’t want to see so clearly. What good does clarity bring in the end? Ultimately, it only allows your loved ones to leave you again and again. Those I had loved can never come back to me. If Heaven gave me another chance, I would start everything anew and hold on tight to him!”

Is or isn’t love worth it in that fleeting moment?